The Masterpiece of Nature

"A friend might well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Take my hand

My serotonin levels are low, which is just a fancy medical way of saying I'm unhappy. What makes me more unhappy is the fact that I'm trying to tell myself that I don't know why but I know that deep down I do.

I'm in a relationship and as all these things go, there has to be a fair amount of giving, receiving and sharing. I honestly don't mind the first two especially when I'm being given and I'm receiving but then the time comes to divulge things about yourself.....and that's where everything gets scary for me. I can honestly say that I've been pretty much emotionally independent since I was about 14 or thereabouts. So there are things about myself that I don't tell other people easily, some people know some of these things but they know well enough to never attempt to clarify this info with me. Basically I don't open up easily. This ofcourse is a problem when you're seeing someone, and frankly I don't know how to deal with it bse I know that subconciously I will attempt to avoid the whole thing; but I want to go beyond this time.

The real reason I'm in distress (I think) is because I need some sort of spiritual nourishment (for want of a better word). Of course it doesn't mean I want to sprint to church screaming hallelujah, it simply means that I need to experience the better side of humanity; like a genuine act of kindness, the piety and innocence of the child or the amazing bonds of a brotherhood.

So I wait, in this darkness, tired of my own voice answering my questions. I pray that when you give me your hand, I will not push it away.

Flowers gathered in the morning; Afternoon they blossom on, Still are withered by the evening: You can be me when I'm gone.

I have always been fascinated with words. I can't say exactly when it all started but I know that one day, I picked up a book, started reading and found a world of magic, of kings and queens, giants and dwarves, absent friends and lost loves, old gods and the season of mists. I have read words that were mysterious and like that brief glimpse of a hooded rider while staring out the window, I have looked into the heart of the writer, but only for a moment. I have wandered the soft places, the sunny plains of middle earth, run down twisting tunnels on distant worlds and even glanced at the lost kingdom of Atlantis. Words, for ever to captivate me.

So it came to pass that I chanced across the volumes of "The Sandman". It is at this point that I must shed a tear for those of you who will never discover or understand what the imagination is capable of. What it means to dream, even if it be a little dream. For some the gift was never given, for others the wisdom to comprehend denied, but for you, the fear of old gods long since devoid of power cages you. I am truly sorry.

For those who will never know, I will hazard a brief story but alas it is only a trinket of the treasures that lie awaiting in the world of dreams, the realm of the prince of stories, the land of "The Sandman".

They tell a story of Dream of the endless, who is the king of the dreaming, the place you go every time you leave the waking world. Dream has been imprisoned for almost eighty years and he returns to his realm to find that things have gone amiss. He must restore order in his kingdom, but to do so he needs his tools of power; a pouch of golden sand, a mask and a ruby. The sand was last in the possesion of a mortal, John Constantine. To retrieve the mask he must journey to hell and challenge a duke of the eighth circle, as for the ruby, well like I said, it is a brief story that I dare to relay, for there is no better way to know the story than from the prince of stories himself. So maybe one day I will tell you a story of myself, of my unknowing contest with a god and the wisdom gained, if it may be called that. Goodnight to you and the sweetest of dreams.

To absent friends, lost loves, old gods and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due.

I happened to read my horoscope(wonder why they call it that) last week and it encouraged me to pen something. Apparently I was in a very creative state because some planet was moving into the sphere of influence of some other planet.So I toyed with the idea of a love letter, hate mail, short story, resignation letter until the impracticality of most of them led me here; to write this garbage for you to read. And here goes nothing...

1. I don't think I love you anymore!
E decided to send me this txt message the other night. I read it and felt the world fall away from under my feet. Drifting in the vast nothingness I tried to see how it had come to this. "So soon" I thought, "how?" and a myriad of other questions all in an attempt to figure out when I had fallen from grace. On the verge of resigning myself to a life less of love, my phone beeped again and she was saying "It's something a lot more stronger than love...."

2. I cried for you.
Recently I came across a song by a one Katie Melua called "I cried for you". It is a beautiful song! It instantly made it onto my playlist entitled "sombse:some of my best songs ever" And it goes

"You're beautiful so silently
It lies beneath a shade of blue
It struck me so violently
When I looked at you

But others pass, they never pause,
To feel that magic in your hand
To me you're like a wild rose
They never understand why

I cried for you
When the sky cried for you
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter
But this life was not for you
Though I learned from you,
That beauty need only be a whisper

I'll cross the sea for a different world,
With your treasure, a secret for me to hold

In many years they may forget
This love of ours or that we met,
They may not know
how much you meant to me.

I cried for you
And the sky cried for you,
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter.
But this life was not for you,
Though I learned from you,
That beauty need only be a whisper

Without you now I see,
How fragile the world can be
And I know you've gone away
But in my heart you'll always stay.

I cried for you
And the sky cried for you,
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter.
But this life was not for you,
Though I learned from you,
That beauty need only be a whisper
That beauty need only be a whisper"

3. The Dead Man's Chest.
I watched Pirates of the Carribean on sunday. It's brilliant. I have to watch it again!


4. The Season of Mists
I found this incredibly good series of comic books called the sandman. It's about the king of the dreamworld and lots of other stuff, but it is good. There was a part where he was going to hell to set some woman free, whom he had incidentally condemed there about 10000 years before. So he goes to his friend "the wandering jew" and they have a toast that goes as follows
"To absent friends, lost loves, old gods and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due."

Bloody brilliant.

Parenting myself...

Teenage rebellion is normal, it happens to all people except those weird few who for some strange reason can't fathom the thrill in occasionally going against authority and embarking on a journey of self discovery. It is my opinion that these same people suffer from mid life crises when they get there. The "who am I?, I'm not happy with whatI'm doing...blah blah"

As a teenager I did my share of rebellion, but this was quickly cut short by my all so "wise" relatives. Anyway to put it briefly, because I cannot go into details, I found that I had to raise myself from an early age. Ofcourse I had people who were there for my physical needs but the needs of the mind were totally left to me. My report card was my own responsibility, I made my choices as to what to study, who to associate with, what to do in my free time etc. It is an amazing thing that when you have parents who pressure you to do things in a certain way, to be the best you can be, to be morally upright, you rebel as much as you possibly can; but given the choice by fate to do this completely on your own, you will yearn for one reproachful look, a grounding or any kind of parental intervention in your life.

If someone asked me the things that influenced me in the choices I've made so far I would say, the memory of some long since departed people, a number of poets and authors, an uncle or two but mostly my belief in the amazing ability of the human being's kindness, for without it I would probably not be blogging this.

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The way the world works!

Life is unfair, actually it's probably more unfair than you realise. As a child, I was lucky enough to be exposed to a wide range of literary materials. The stories that always fascinated me were the ones that involved the knights of the realm upholding truth and justice, fighting against evil dragons and rescuing damsels in distress. I was swept away by those stories and that would probably go some way in explaining my fascination with JRR Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings, Superman, The Xmen, Drizzt D'Urden and tons of other heroes standing up to defend those who could not stand up for themselves. I spent hours day-dreaming that I was one of those knights in the stories rescuing some distressed dame. Consequently I had a very defined view of the world, there was good and there was bad (and occasionaly ugly). I was for good and God help those who stood on the other side. Inevitably, as is wont to happen, the years piled and I sprouted a few hairs here and there and as the knight in me looked at the world, lines begun to blur, the dragon wasn't necessary evil after all. Maybe he was just in need of a pat on the back and a "you're not all alone" kind of talk. Back in my younger days, I could have wanted nothing more than to champion the cause of the opressed, nowadays it's survival of the fittest. Recently I was with my uncle, a very nice man by any standards, a trained MD who shunned the big bucks of private practice to work in public health and help those much worse off. Anyway he was driving along in this big 4 wheel drive car and this guy in a much smaller car was trying to get into some space infront of him, but he (my uncle) would not yield and as he edged the guy out he said "Me big car, you small car. That's the way the world works"

Still some things never die easy and few things are harder to kill than ideals cherished and nurtured in childhood, so I remain a knight at heart. And so I say " Be every bit the knight you can be"

A good morning

Some days, you wake up on the right side of the bed and others I guess it's well, the left side of it. Today I woke up in the middle I guess. ( references to sides of the bed are not metaphorical but the actual reference to directional orientation of my body in relation to my bed upon waking up) In any case it's not important what side i woke up on but rather who woke me up. There I was, at the battle of pelennor fields with king Theoden and the Rohirrim (Lord of the Rings) when suddenly I was whisked away to the real world only to think I was in a dream again for it was her (E, the girl I'm in love with) that woke me. All the previous words serve no other purpose than to tell you that I had a splendid morning. If you didn't have one, be consoled by the fact that I did.

Dreaming my dreams......with you!

I used to be a dreamer, especially in matters of the heart. I don't know whether I still am. You know, you get your heart broken and then all that "happily ever after" stuff sounds like well just like it should, a fairy tale. My first crush was in my primary 7, there was this girl called J and one day I found myself thinking about her. My main fantasy was about kissing her but of course I couldn't do anything about it. It was primary, girls were to say the least mysterious and any advances by me would have gotten me in the hottest of soups ever. Incidentally it all remianed just that, a fantasy, but I remember the feeling! It was exhilarating! Two years later I was back at it, this time it was this girl I had known since I was about 9. They were letters involved and I got as far as a hug (ooooh!). But that too was put in my closet of crushes when she moved overseas, for good! We wrote each other some brilliant letters but as they say "out of mind....."
Then came the crush that crushed the dreamer in me. A case of unrequited love. It was in a word, heartbreaking. I used to believe that love could overcome it all, but I guess there was one big obstacle it couldn't. I will tell no more about that one.

So here I am today, much less of a dreamer than I was but in love once more. So am I still having dreams of forever, a little bit, but they are tempered by the reality of life. Not all dreams come true, but you can alyways hope and work toward them. But the worst thing about that dream crushing crush was that it made cautious in love. Not fully giving of myself. So how to overcome that? Because I must do it.

So little to do , so much time!

This saturday's proving to be too lousy, no soccer = nothing else to do. So here I am blogging. It's been a while since I blogged, England's exit from the world cup was a bit of a heartbreak and I couldn't find a satisying explanation or scapegoat for that matter. But like in all love affairs, life's got to go on, you either fix the problem and move on or u break up with some unsavory parting shots. I went for the fomer, I don't give up on relationships easily, Actually it's a taboo to support one club today and in a month's time you have shifted goal posts. Soccer promiscuity is a no no. You get one club and one country for life. Most men are more faithful to their football teams than to their spouses or girlfiends. For example, I wouldn't be caught dead donning an Arsenal shirt...but you could find me in the comapny of another girl other than my beloved.

The new superman movie is out, I have to go and watch it soon, maybe tomorrow. The reviews are good so far but I'm not one to pay attention to them when it involves Kal El (his kryptonian name).

A big sorry to someone for ignoring them sometime, I had to do it.

Now, what to do....what to do....

untitled

The rest of those who have gone before cannot, steady the unrest of those of us who follow.

In the absence of the sacred.

I am in no way superstitious. I've read too much crap to be that inclined. But sometimes you just have to wonder why some things always happen the way they do. For instance I have a friend who whenever he watches an Arsenal match, they never win, most of the time they lose...It got so bad that before their most recent game, Arsenal fans misdirected him and told him we were watching the game in some bar on the other side of town. He caught onto the ruse and showed up at the nook just in time for kick off. Arsenal promptly lost 2-1. So what is my point? None really, just thought i would share a story.

I had a very unfamilliar feeling today. I remember having something like it back when I was about 10 years old. My mom had gone out and it was getting late and I had this very heavy heart kind of sensation. I was worried that something would happen to her...I wanted her to come back immediately...I was not whole without her. I had that kind of feeling today, about someone who I haven't seen for a whole week. I think I'm falling deeper still.

Currently reading:

Abyssinian Chronicles by Moses Isegawa
A really good read, the fact that it's set in Uganda makes it easy to relate to. Humor and style of narration is very good as well.

His Dark Materials Trilogy by Philip Pullman
Started reading it bse, the reviewers compared Pullman to Tolkien and have to say I was not disappointed. Just finished book two *The Subtle Knife*. A must read for any fantasy fan.

Song currently obsessed with:

Deeper water by Minnie Driver

Something funny for you: It's so miserable being a millionaire!

Fight or Flight?

Wrapped up Grey's Anatomy Season 2 last week. It is my second best show ever, only to friends. It got very heart wrenching in the last 3 episodes. For the sake of not spoiling it for anyone, i won't say anymore but it's a must see.
There's another plus to watching grey's anatomy...i've discovered some really nice music. It's like every episode has some bloody nice song you've never heard. Two weeks ago I was obsessed with "In the Sun" by coldplay, last week it was "Chasing cars" by Snow Patrol, today I listened to "Somewhere only we know" by Keane and just lost it. Fiona you have to listen to those 3 songs and then add on

Don't Forget me: Way Out West
Wish I: Jem
Suitcase: Joe Purdy
Back Where I was: The Hereafter
Other Side of the World: KT Tunstall (very nice)
How to save a life: The Fray

Now I don't know which series I'm going to watch, I think I'll look into The 4400 or Smallville

Haemorrhage in my head!

I'm an England fan, infact it's the only team I'm supporting at the world cup. It has been my team for the last 7 years. We've been through, last minute penalties in Euro2K, broken metatarsals in 2002, Emile Heskey in 2004 and more broken metatarsals....and we have never parted ways. I will now call it she to better define my love for England. She has given me moments of unrestrained joy , like that time in Munich or that time with the greeks. I in return have proclaimed my love from the rooftops, willed matter and energy to move "the force" in our favor. At times it has obliged and other times darker arts have undermined our efforts. But on saturday I was totally mystified, I wondered whether the "Martians" had finally attacked earth and their first act was to replace the entire England team with zombies or worse. I spent the whole evening valiantly defending my beloved England as my friends poured forth their arsenal of words to describe the most appalling display on a soccer pitch.

I have a theory that Sven is out to get revenge, after all the English press has put him through, this is his last chance for payback. I won't be surprised if he names 11 defenders against Trinidad and Tobago.

But we will persevere, I will the fates as much that it is to my ability to do so...
"May the force be with us"

Evading the FRIEND ZONE!

I watched an episode of scrubs sometime, JD was about to kiss Elliot and then they were interrupted. His theory is that if something like that happens, whoever wants to take it forward (i.e. the guy) has 48 hours to complete the kiss or else the girl's gray matter will light up and chances are high that you will be condemned to the friend zone. If u don't know what the friend zone is, just listen to mario's "just a friend".
Incidentally, I find myself in a similar or worse predicament. There's this girl, I have a crush on her. I begin spending time with her and naturally I fall deeper. And then yesterday we almost kissed. Now, the problem is I'm not going to see her for a few days, so I have to be the single outstanding exception to JD's 48 hour rule. In case u were wondering what happened to JD, he was 1 second late and was thus condemned to the friend zone

As deceptively nice as the name sounds, The friend zone is among the top 5 things guys dread most. In simple words, it is torture. I've been there, twice. Not a very nice place to visit. I'm not ending up there this time.

FRAMED!: The all knowing God and free will!

I have a long running argument with almost all my friends, this centers around the concept of an all knowing God and free will. For the faint hearted, poor of spirit, easily offended, wrap-a-bomb-around-your-waist fanatics, and if you feel your faith is not strong enough please stop reading this now and go...well..do somethin else.

Apparently God is all knowing, simply put,he knows each and everything from the beginning of time unto the end of all things and I guess beyond that too. But most importantly God knows all that you shall ever do, all the decisions you will make from the moment you take in your first breath till the time you exhale your last. Your path has been chosen for you. Basically God knows what you will say, think and do after reading this....blah blah. So this begs the question, if he knows everything you will do, all the choices you will make from birth to death and obviously you cannot go against that, how then is it free will if when faced with a decision as simple as taking tea or porridge your choice is predetermined?

I mean, as a more complex example, God knew that I would be the way I am and do all the things I have done and will do until my candle burns out. He knew, from the beginning of time that;
1981: Enter Raymond
1986: Baptise Raymond
1996: Raymond becomes atheist
****: Raymond Dies
-----: Raymond burns in hell

I cannot defy this path. It was written for me ages ago. So I must walk it. So is it fair to say that I have free will?

Incidentally I gave up my belief in the christian God, hence

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.
----William Ernest Henely

Everyone's a critic!

Ladies and gentlemen I present the next stage in evolution, homo sapien is no longer the dominant species....I give you..HOMO SUPERIOR!

The other day I was reading one of my favorite blogs and found Raymond had written crap about the new xmen movie. I was furious, actually I was going to write about it then but I figured I might display my more unsavory lingo. Anyway as u can tell by now, I'm a superhero freak. I loved the X Men movie and personally I think it was the best of the lot. I mean, the special effects were awesome! and let's face it, they are they main reason you'd go to watch it. And if you want a movie with a major plot, bloody hell! watch The English Patient! Enough ranting, the movie is brilliant, anyone who loves the X Men will enjoy it.

And coming soon!

By the way my crush's not subsiding, I need advice!

I wont have any kids because I feel sorry for the trees!

In the 1900s the population of Uganda was about 3M people and needless to say, most of the country was covered with equatorial forests. Fast forward to 1980s it was 15M and obviously little of the forests remained. Today it is estimated at 21M and the government just sold off several islands to investors for growing palm trees. This might seem like a useless piece of information but trust me if you drop it into a conversation, especially as an anwer to a question about how many kids you're planning to have, you'll look brainy. Inevitably you will intially come off as NUTS, but if you eloquenlty explain the relationship between population growth and the diminishing forest vegetation, you will emerge not only as intelligent but also as very knowledgable (if you wear specs, it is a good idea to nibble on them as if in thought and then wave them about while explaining your point).

I love Grey's Anatomy, the soundtracks are so lovely, they invoke all sorts of emotions in me. Here's one of my favorite songs on the soundtrack.

In the Sun - Coldplay ft Peter something

I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you
I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes
cause when you showed me myself I became someone else
But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need

I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comesYou cant keep awake
May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you
cause if I findIf I find my own way
How much will I find
If I findIf I find my own way
How much will I findYou

I dont know anymore
What its forIm not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understandcause I been caught in between all I wish for and all I need
Maybe youre not even sure what its for
Any more than me
May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you

In your face Arsenal! Ha ha ha ha!

A wish upon a star!

I've got a crush! yes, a typical schoolboy ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL AND OH SHE SMILED AT ME dreamy eyes crush! I thought I was beyond these feelings because I think the last time I had one, Boyz II Men were ruling the charts and M7 and the Colonel were bosom buddies. So I'm riding the emotions, like a love sick puppy, thinking about writing love poems again. Thinking about her in every waking moment and on the verge of singing Uncle Sam's "when I see you smile." That's how bad it is. I noticed it when I couldn't get past hello..... and then I recognised those adolescent tinglings of the heart, tounge sticking in my mouth..etc. Oh what a feeling!

I saw a shooting star today and I made a wish. I wished that *omitted*. Anyway this week my theory holds tight. Lots of good stuff

1. I've got a crush on .......
Enough said already

2. Barcelona 2 Arsenal 1.
It was a magical night. I screamed till I went hoarse! By halftime, the Arsenal fans were about to eat the rest of us alive, but fate it seems is not without a touch of malice. First Eto'o then Belleti to bring out my basic baboon insticts. You should have seen me pounding my chest.

3. Mail from Di!
Hey Di, it's been a long time and was lovely to hear from you, especially that you have time to read my blog. And for the record my mind is like a jigsaw puzzle, i'm just tryin to put all the right pieces together.

4. Halfway thru my CISCO class
Going on to sem 3, though have like 11 tests to do but they're all online and not that difficult. I really want to finish this, it's the key to many doors.

5. Prison Break Episodes 20 and 21
Scofield and Co. finally break out of Fox river, but not without some tense moments. T Bag just cracks me up with his comments

6. Shooting star
And everything is written in the heavens...

So generally i've got a good feeling. I just finished the book I was reading, can't say I enjoyed it that much, though somehow I read it till the end so maybe there's something to it. Just going to start on Phillip Pullman's "His Dark Materials trilogy" from what I hear it's very good.

Downloaded some songs I heard while watching grey's anatomy, they're too nice. I particulary like Joshua Radin's music.

So in a week of, crushes, champions, shooting stars, escaped convicts and emails from the dearest of friends, I give you the quote of the week.

"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."
----Joseph Addison

Dentists and Spanish Authors

I've had a very unenjoyable (for lack of a better word)week all thanks to some useless byproduct of pondlife and a barnacle
So, I went to the dentist last week, ( on my least favorite persons in the world list, dentists are up there with taxi drivers and a few other unsavory groups of persons). Anyway I had to have this tooth extracted, the irony being that I had the same tooth worked on 3 years ago and apparently what was done to it then was supposed to last fifteen years. Anyway the idiot, happened to break the damn tooth during extraction and proceeded to torment me with various tools that one would find in an espionage torture kit. Let's just say that if I could I would put out a contract on him.

Naturally the tone was set for the rest of the week, pain, unrelenting pain capped off by bloody Liverpool snatching the FA Cup at the last moment. I won't write anymore about the week, but it's my personal opinion that if the christians packaged hell as full of eager, inexperienced dentists instead of some guy with horns and a pitchfork, they would have many more converts. I would be saved right now.

Got some book from a friend "A hundred Years of Solitude" by some spanish author (Gabriel Marquez), apparently it's one of Clinton's favourites. I'm halfway throught it and it's just, well, weird!

Abbas, my housemate, managed to convince me to go to the club on Saturday nite and strangely enough I enjoyed myself ( the only ray of sun this week).

I have a theory though, that when lots of crappy things happen to you at once, on top of the ones that had already been happening, your luck's about to turn. So I'm optimistic, I think this week is going to be good.

And here's a list for you
Potentially hazardous near earth objects coming to your neighborhood soon!

And a quote

"Return to the Earth if you should find that your heart is weary and your mind is troubled, only by going back to the beginning can you find the path"
----some guy in a movie.

....in such small measures, life may perfect be.

There are some small things that bring me incredible joy.

- Getting into my newly laid bed just after a cold shower

- Finding a loo when I'm dying to piss

- A very fast internet connection

- Putting on new underwear

- Finding a good download website

- Fixing a computer problem in less than 5 minutes

- A lingering kiss

- A word from Bre, Di or Dimples

- A handwritten letter

- A hot cup of coffee on a very cold day

- Watching Arsenal lose

- Dimples

- A good comic

- Comfortable shoes

O! Ye poor of spirit!

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 5:3

I want to understand what it means to be poor in spirit in the context that it is used in the verse above, I welcome all interpretations of it's meaning.

Much ado about nothing

Okay... let's see....where to begin.

Sunday: Woke up early (9am) for a sunday and read Tintin comics, it's amazing but they're still able to crack me up, especially the ones with Thompson and Thomson, Haddock and Calculus, I think my favorite is "Land of Black Gold"


Spent evening with Genie, who had thrown me out because her boyfie was getting jealous (I seem to do this a lot, I mean, make other people's boyfriends jealous!). We had a nice chat abt ****classified info***.

Monday: Did absolutely nothing, and I mean nothing!

Tuesday: Installed a Wi-Fi nic for a client, Read some networking notes, passed by the Nook, Went to Makindye to visit my aunt Becky. Was tormented by arsenal going thru to the final.

Called Shirley, who's been giving me the cold shoulder because...idon't know...but I suspect it because:- I can't express myself, can't say where I stand, she probably wants to know if we're in a relationship or not! Hey I don't know either! I think I need a manual!

Wednesday: Nothing, except, Barca 1 - 0 AC Milan, 24 episode 14. Yup that's it!

My Philosophy part 1

I once read or heard someone say "in the end only kindness matters". In my quarter century under this starry sky, I have had people be very kind to me for their own selfish ends and other reasons...but I've also had the joy of knowing the kindness of strangers. I've had people be kind to me with no apparent gain on their part. Infact my life is a testament to the kindness of strangers.


"We are each others' angels in the way that we answer each others' prayers, and we can also make each others' lives miserable." -------Jewel

My Dimpled friend!

I was having a lousy week, until yesterday when I got a call from Dimples (my friend Becky).

Becka! Becka! my dimpled friend,
With the sparkle in your eyes.
I will love you till time's end.

She always cheers me up, she's one of the most interesting and lively people I've ever met. And she also holds the interesting statistic of the only girl to have ever broken up with me before we even dated. Needless to say, we never did date. Plus she wrote some of the best letters I've ever. I think the one bad thing about email is that it killed letter writing. There are fewer things more romantic than a handwritten love letter.

Speaking of romance, i find myself lacking in that department. I've been told by very relaible sources that I have "comittment issues" and I don't express my feelings (and I thought I wore my heart on my sleeve). In my defence I am very commited....to certain things, viz; Man United, hating Arsenal, uh....and a lot of other things. And if you don't think I express my feelings, just piss me off!


The rest of the week was quite lousy, did a total of 9 tests in CCNA (networking course I'm taking). Other major highlights were
1. Downloading 4 gigs of comics
2. 24 Season 5 Episodes 8 - 13
3. That's about it really (I know you're thinkin if you were me you'd hang yourself! but sometimes it be that way)

Just finished reading "A short history of nearly everything" by Bill Bryson. A very interesting book, you'd be amazed the things you don't know about, well, "almost everything." For example, Sir Isaac Newton, spent half of his life practising Alchemy

**The common perception of alchemists is that they were pseudo-scientists, crackpots and charlatans, who attempted to turn lead into gold, believed that the universe was composed of the four elements of earth, air, fire, and water, and spent most of their time concocting miraculous remedies, poisons, and magic potions.**

All in all, the book is an interesting read, it helps you stock up with a lot of junk history that you can always through into an argument and look very brainy.

Quote: "Never deny a woman pleasure"
---Bams

Superman and the songstress

Been listenig to Natalie Merchant's Ophelia album, she's just too good, she pulls you into the music. I especially like the songs, "King of May, When they ring the golden bells, The living."

Just downloaded 2 gigs of comics! I'm sooo excited, The Avengers, Xmen, Star Wars Republic....etc.

chemical warfare

Just sittin here tryin hard not to fart, I'm with a bunch of people and can't get to MINIMUM safe distance! Shit I can't type anything.........here comes disaster!

...and then I came to a town....again

There is this place, that, every once in a while I come to. Depression. Yes, every now and then am afflicted by minor bouts of depression. It's as if I've just come out of a "total perspective vortex" for this universe.

Presenting things I do when I feel depressed.

1. IT'S YOUR FAULT!
When I'm depressed, I become very irritable. The smallest thing can tick me off and God or the gods be with you if you cross my path.

2. Okay, so it's not your fault but I wish it was
Then ofcourse I realise I'm being mean and unfair (usually after a heated argument with the unfortunate soul which ends with F@## U! is it my fault?)

3. Whose fault is it anyway?
And so I have sift through tons of thoughts and memories trying to figure out what went wrong. Trust me there are tons. Obviously I can't figure it out so I come up with some fancy sounding reason like. "The fate of man as a species, survival or self destruction?" or " Why is it that I live like I do and a beggar does not, is there a way it all evens out someday?". " Why?"

4. Possible actual reasons....I think
Lack of sex, Lack of sex, Lack of sex. Okay so I'm going through a dry spell. Sense of purpose. Finding my "things to do before I'm 25" list....etc

5. Reading the word
First step to recovery, find something interesting to read, preferably funny. I've just downloaded some Tintin comics. Yeah!
Under no circumstances should you read anything by Dostoevsky, it's simply suicide.

6. Music Therapy
I read somewhere that in some vineyards, they play classical music to the grapes and eventually they produce very good wine. No, I don't do Mozart or Bach or Beethoven.
Vertical Horizon, Sarah McLachlan, Lene Marlin, U2, Coldplay, Bruce Springsteen, 3 Doors down, are my drugs of choice

7. Bre, Di, Dimples
One calls me sweetcakes, the other I love her innocence and one says I can do anything. I am SUPERMAN! As u can tell I'm almost cured, one last step.

8. Laughter the best medicine
Hang around my hillarious friends, Bams, Markus, Chubby, Jorge, Deschamps etc..aka The Nook!


PS: Occasional mild depression is healthy for the soul. Otherwise it would be corrupted by too much happiness.



Fiona, thanks for calling, was a lovely surprise! Look for The Road I'm On - 3 Doors Down, it's a lovely song.

World of Science Fact: Your genes are 70% similar to those of vegetables and fruits. So if call you a NUT....

I wish I could take your pain away

Yesterday was one of those days when you feel so powerless. My mother had an operation yesterday but one, so I went to see her in the hospital. We talked a bit coz she looked drained, then she started feeling so much pain ( painkillers wearing off). I felt so helpless, I wanted to take away the pain, all of it, because she dosen't deserve to feel that pain.

Those are the moments that make me wish I were still religious.

Loving Brenda!

Thank you Bre, for making me feel like superman. If we could indeed have a breath of ecstasy, it would be....I don't know. You are free spirited and I admire you for that and more.
I have to stop writing, lest the world discover your true form and take you so far away from me!



Bewitched, bewitched, you've got me in your spell.
Bewitched, bewitched, you know your craft so well.

Before I knew what you were doing, I looked in your eyes.
That brand of woo that you've been brewin' Took me by surprise.

You witch, you witch! One thing that's for sure,
That stuff you pitch, Just hasn't got a cure.

My heart was under lock and key, But somehow it got unhitched.
I never thought my heart could be had.

But now I'm caught and I'm kind of glad To be bewitched.
Bewitched.

SSDD!

Quiz was postponed to next wknd, We closed the gap on chelsea (when u need a lift, the Van will always be there). Did pretty much nothing the rest of the wknd.

Let's play, Who wants to be a Millionaire

We're having a quiz this saturday evening at the nook. Team Arsenal takes the rest of the world in a Who wants to be a millionaire type of trivia quiz. Whenever me and my friends engage in any kind of competition (one that involves teams) we invariably end up as Team Arsenal vs Man United (or the rest of the world). This is mainly due to the fact that either camp feels their premiership counterparts are the benchmark of English (and sometimes European) football. Sometimes it's just that eveyone else hates the team that is dominating. *Fuck Chelsea, Drogba and Mourinho*

Quiz Question: Who is the only person in history to have won both the Nobel Prizes for Chemistry and Physics, and in what years?

Another quiz question: What is Nwankwo Kanu's shoe size?

I kissed her and she kissed me!

Jenny kiss'd me when we met,
Jumping from the chair she sat in;
Time, you thief, who love to get
Sweets into your list, put that in!
Say I'm weary, say I'm sad,
Say that health and wealth have miss'd me,
Say I'm growing old, but add,
Jenny kiss'd me.

--James Leigh Hunt

This land is your land!

My muscles are killin me. Not in the *take that you SOB* kind of way, but they're aching like hell.
I went to the gym on monday morning and like anyone who's put on a few pounds, not to mention been absent from the gym for several years, I went into overdrive. I was everywhere, liftin this and that and the other, on the treadmill, bike etc. If it wasn't bolted down I lifted it, if it had wheels I rode it. After two intensive hours, I had a cold shower and headed into town for business as usual. Monday was quite uneventful, had the usual game of scrabble against Mark, and headed to the Nook in the evening.

Woke up on Tuesday morning and I couldn't move a limb, couldn't even stretch my hand to see what time it was. If this is going to be the price of a six pack and co, I just might pass and stick to sunday football. As if spending the day in pain wasn't enough, I had to endure 90 minutes of Arsenal vs Juventus. Now, any neutral fan will tell you it was a brilliant game from Arsenal, don't believe the hype. Me as an Arsenal hater absolutely and without any basis whatsover assures you that it was crap, I think it's Capello's idea of a joke; to make Arsenal think they've gone through and then ambush them in Turin (how i wish!).


Went back to the gym this morning despite all the resistance from my limbs. It was definately a case of mind over matter.

mind: Wake up! Gym time!
body: What! leave me alone!
mind: Oh come on, we agreed to this yesterday
body: I can't move any muscle
mind: Let me help you *my mind then proceeds to give my body a mental picture of me in 10 years minus gymwork*
body: okay but that's coercion, one day I'll just resign.
mind: I know, but not until I'm through with you, then I'll probably throw you off a bridge.



Was humming Dido's "This land is mine" today when my 5 year old cousin, Alana, heard me and proceeded to correct me. She thought I was trying to sing some kid's song called " This land is your land" so she sang it for me. Kids can be very cute.


This land is your land,
This land is my land,
From California To the New York Island,
From the redwood forest, To the Gulf stream waters,
This land was made for you and me.

As I was walking,
That ribbon of highway,
I saw above me That endless skyway,
I saw below me That golden valley.
This land was made for you and me.

it's never too late to start

This being my first foray into blogging, I have been wondering how to go about it. Actually, I read only two blogs on the net;Raymond's Bliss, not me (how wierd would that be?), some chap in belgium, got to know his blog from Izak, who is a brother to my friend Mark. Why am I explaining all this? I guess because it's my blog and I can write almost anything I want. Oh and the other blog is Minega's World, Minega is a friend of Raymond's. I've never met these two chaps in my life but I find their blogs interesting. Think I will drop them a comment one of these days.

Anyway back to the point (if any), I read these blogs and thought to myself; "Hey, I'm not going to run for political office any time soon, so let's go blogging (Ooh la la la, trumpets) and so here I am.

Got a new book to read, "The moral intelligence of children", only gone a few pages so can't really tell how good it is. According to the cover it's about how children acquire morals from the people around them, how you can be a better moral model or reference for children you come into contact with. Reads good so far.


Most recent poem I read

Batter my heart, three-person'd God ; for you
As yet but knock ; breathe, shine, and seek to mend ;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but O, to no end.
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy ;
Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.
---John Donne

some of the Best

4 of the best books I have ever read. In no particular order

The Prophet: Kahlil Gibran
A brilliant man's philosophy on love, marriage, joy and sorrow, time, friendship and much more. Originally published in 1923 - translated into more than 20 languages..

Quote: "And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter and the sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."

Opening Skinner's Box: Lauren Slater
A very interesting look at what we know and don't know about human nature and the issues surrounding the process in which we find out. A novel that engrosses you in it's telling of some of the most intriguing psychological experiments of the last century.

Quote: "In the unlikely event of a water landing;
1. You, the potential helper, must notice an event is occurring.
2. You must interpret the event as one in which help is needed.
3. You must assume personal responsibility.
4. You must decide what action to take.
5. You must then take action."


The Kite Runner: Khaled Hosseini
A very emotionally involving book. Khaled Hosseini captures your heart with his story of Amir, an Afghani who is forced to flee his country after the Taliban take it over and eventually forced to return to it to purge the ghosts of his childhood.

Quote:".....for you, a thousand times over!"


Losing Faith in Faith: Dan Barker
Losing Faith in Faith' deals with Dan Barker's de-conversion from a fundamentalist Christian preacher to an atheist. He recounts the personal and turbulent story of how he gave up his faith, and how he found new meaning in atheism. Not only does he recount his personal story in the book, but he also provides some chapters with arguments on why a belief in God is not viable, as well as some chapters explaining the concepts of atheism and freethought.
A very powerful book for me personally.

Quote: Dear friend, "You probably already know that I have gone through some significant changes regarding spiritual things. The past five or six years has been a time of deep re-evaluation for me, and during the last couple of years I have decided that I can no longer honestly call myself a Christian. You can probably imagine that it has been an agonizing process for me. I was raised in a good Christian home, served in missions and evangelism, went to a Christian college, became ordained and ministered in three churches as Assistant Pastor. During those years I was 100 percent convinced of my faith, and now I am just about 100 percent unconvinced...."

In the Unlikely Event of a Water Landing

I've been reading this really interesting book, "Opening Skinner's
Box" by Lauren Slater. It's about Psychological experiments in the
last century, how they impacted the scientific field,their influence
on our lives, their origins and the myths and facts surrounding these
experiments.

10 experiments are looked at ranging from behavioural
shaping to lobotomy. One of the most interesting experiments was
carried out by two psychologists (Bibb Latane and John Darley) after
the murder of a one "Kitty Genovese" in 1964. Kitty Genovese was stabbed to death in 1964 by a mentally ill serial
rapist and murderer.

The murder took place over a period of about
thirty minutes, during which 38 witnesses heard her screams for help
but did nothing. During the period she was attacked three separate
times, each time she screamed for help, each time her neighbours
switched on the lights in their apartments and did nothing more.

The news of the murder and the action (inaction) of her neighbours
enraged the nation and prompted Darley and Latane to investigate what
they came to call the "bystander effect".
This basically is that people are less likely to intervene in an emergency situation when
there are others present. Harley and Latane showed this using a
series of experiments, one which involved helping a supposedly
epileptic student.
The results of the experiment showed that 62% of
people will fail to offer help in an emergency situation if others
are present, whereas if alone, they will almost always offer help
immediately.
Darley and Latane then developed what they called the five stages of
helping behaviour.

10 years after Harley and Latane's experiments, a social scientist
(Arthur Beaman) at the University of Montana took a group of college
students and showed them the films of the experiments that
articulated the five stages of helping behaviour. He found that the
students who saw the films and learned the necessary stages were almost
twice as likely to offer help than those without such education.

In the Unlikely Event of a Water Landing.

1. You, the potential helper, must notice an event is occurring.

2. You must interpret the event as one in which help is needed.

3. You must assume personal responsibility.

4. You must decide what action to take.

5. You must then take action.

Life, the universe and everything!

"To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour."
--William Blake

.....and then there was R.

According to science, the earth is roughly 4.55 billion years old, religious accounts (christian that is) put it at about 6,000 years old. The earth, science says came into existence several million years after the bing bang.

The priest tells me, "Son, God made the earth, the moon, the stars and all the universe in the first six days.". Whatever the case, my earth begun (6000-25) years or (4.55billion-25) years after the beginning.".....and God said, let there be R, and then there was Raymond".
So basically I've been around for the last 25 years, eating, sleeping and generally attempting to be useful. After 25 years I have come to realise that hell, I haven't done anything worth writing home about! Apart form consuming copius amounts of beer and food, and comping up with a few philosopies (most of them attained in the proverbial alcoholic's 'moment of clarity'). I will dispense some of these philosopies with time.