Friday, January 18, 2013

Yesterdays and tomorrows

I want to write. I feel like I have so much stuff to say but it's still swirling in my head, muddied pools of thought obscuring the bottom and I am led to imagine that if I give it some time, let the mud settle, I'll be able to see the bottom clearly and then perhaps I can give you a glimpse into the depths of my spirit. That however is the procrastinator in me, a persona I have nurtured so well that in the kingdom where everything happens tomorrow, I shall be crowned king, tomorrow.

I have been trying to find myself for a long while now, the me that I lost, whose hand I let go of in the crowded marketplace and when I turned round could catch no glimpse of. I have been running around the marketplace shouting his name, frantically grabbing hold of sleeves and shoulders of strangers who looked like him, apologising and running on.

Over supper every evening, upon realising that one chair is empty, the others ask whither he has gotten and I reply with a shake of the head, looking at the food on my plate, now cold and tasteless. I cannot bring myself to look into their eyes, I am afraid of the shame I will find reflected there.

Everyday I go to the marketplace, sit next to the fruit vendor and stare at the throngs of people before me swarming back and forth, ants, little ants, little happy ants in a mill, and I hope to see him somewhere in the crowd smiling and waving for me to come see what he's found. Everyday the sun sets and I go home to an empty seat, cold meal and shame. The others bid me take my sustenance, for tomorrow, they say, is a new day and there will be fresh fruit in the market.

Today I met you in the marketplace. I was not looking for you and would have missed you but for the fruit vendor and the basket of lemons that rolled to your feet. Today the table was full and supper was warm and filling. Today I looked into your eyes, smiling eyes and I was not afraid, was not ashamed. Today is tomorrow beginning.

Friday, January 04, 2013

Happy New Year

I've only just nicked a few moments of lucidity to wish you all a happy new year. In between a few lengthy and meandering walks with Johnny, hits off the pipe, sniffs of something that I'm sure was baking soda and the various weird happenings that follow a bender, I thought I would float by here and say hi, check up on you, keep the connection alive and solicit a deeper friendship with you this year.

"No sweetie, get off the ledge. You're not superwoman. I know, I know, I said so last night but if you jump then I'm going to have to spend January consulting with Chameleon's lawyer, claiming that you walked into my house and jumped off the balcony."

 Happy new year once again. How is it going so far? Good? Made any plans yet? Broken any resolutions? Still feeling good about going three days sober? Good for you, I'll check with you in a week.

"Okay sweetie. Give me a minute and I'll come play kennel with you but I'm the 'big dog' this time. Okay?"

Behold! The honourable minister for general duties.

This just in. The minister for 'general duties', prof Tarsis Kabwegyere claims that it's okay for you guys to steal money because, well, even the guys in the 'West' did it when they were still trying to develop. According to him, if there's nowhere to get the money, then we must steal it, because money has to be gotten one way or another.

I mean, what the hell are 'general duties'? I think they encompass idiocy, perhaps he's the 'king's fool'.

"Sweetie. Sweetie, no. No biting."

Okay, I'll catch up with you guys later, oh, and a happy new year to you all again. May it be kind to you and may you steal only hearts.

Thursday, January 03, 2013


Gaily bedight,
A gallant knight,
In sunshine and in shadow,
Had journeyed long,
Singing a song,
In search of Eldorado.

But he grew old-
This knight so bold-
And o'er his heart a shadow
Fell as he found
No spot of ground
That looked like Eldorado.

And, as his strength
Failed him at length,
He met a pilgrim shadow-
"Shadow," said he,
"Where can it be-
This land of Eldorado?"

"Over the Mountains
Of the Moon,
Down the Valley of the Shadow,
Ride, boldly ride,"
The shade replied-
"If you seek for Eldorado!"

Edgar Allan Poe