Saturday, February 27, 2010

The question of money or whoring 101

Everyone's a whore. Yes, even you and before you run off proclaiming your morals to the world, hear me out.

Money makes the world go round, the more of it you have, the faster it goes. Take a trip to any classroom in this country and ask the kids what they want to be when they grow up, I assure you more than half will tell you they want to be "very" rich, as in they want to make so much money. I have been thinking about money a lot and what it means to human beings. Apparently the idea came about because barter trade was not quite sufficient for the exchange of goods and services. Some idiot decided one day that he wasn't going to till the land or rear animals; that instead he was going to collect a bunch of shells and use them to get what he wanted. It must have been hard convincing someone that a bunch of shells was worth anything back then. Anyway, this guy was eventually successful, I don't know how long it took but knowing ideas and how they spread, it might have happened centuries after he was long gone. Thanks to him, we have this grand idea of money that makes each and everyone on this sordid piece of rock a whore.

Nothing in life is free, nothing. Everything must be paid for in one way or the other, even respect, love and friendship have their currencies. John Donne once famously said "No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent" and there is no one out there who can disagree. Every human being must justify their existence, most importantly to themselves and then to others. The bit about self is mostly easy depending on your mental state and capacity; the bit about others is a lot more difficult. Human interaction defines our existence and every human being must put forth a good case for others to interact with him or her. He or she must possess something that is considered valuable by others, something that makes their lives better or at the very least, different.

Every human being attempts to package themselves appropriately for the world. Those who can afford to, go to school and acquire skills that are meant to make them more valuable to the world without themselves. You are taught that if you do not acquire skills that are valuable to the world at large, you will spend your days destitute and live a meaningless life.

The world today is driven by the middle classes; an idea that is defined by their levels of education and income relative to that of others. The classic middle class worker is educated or trained to do certain things, to fit into the economic system that prevails as a factor of production and nothing more. You are told that somehow you are adding to the general well being of humanity, that the work which you do makes a difference for the better but the stark truth is that you're probably lining some guy's pockets with money while you barely have enough to survive let alone indulge in the things that make you feel alive. So everyone pretty much goes about their lives, hoping that somehow they have justified their existence, that one way or another they provide something to someone that makes all the hassle worth it.

The child knows that it must earn the respect of its family; you feel that you must earn the love and respect of your peers and the "elders" wish for nothing less than the respect of the younger generation, an acknowledgement that they have so far built a future that is worthy of it. So everyone goes around, whoring themselves to each other, saying "look at me, I have packaged myself thus, I have built this and if you wish to interact with this, then you must have something to give in return." We learn what we can and have the chance to; we try to use this knowledge to our advantage believing that we are somehow building something, adding to a greater whole or at least making people's lives easier. Beggars (merchants of karma), politicians (glorified conversationalists), soldiers, policemen, doctors, teachers, accountants, farmers, businessmen (middlemen), children, lovers, friends and family; each and every one of these considers themselves essential to someone or something else. From the clothes you wear, the things you say and do down to the very thoughts you formulate, it's all a process of selling yourself for a little bit of meaning in this madness we call life.

So good luck to you, may your wares have many a buyer and may you never be cheated out of what is rightfully yours, your life as you wish to live it.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Never Saw You Coming

I am the lonely
The ones who slip away
I am the secret
The words we dare say
I am the promise I'm about to break...again

I am the leader
Who cannot find the way
I am the preacher
Who somehow lost the faith
I am the beggar reaching out my hands...again

And I never saw you coming
I could never dream of running
I have never known such love before
My God, you come, come and breathe your breath in me
Steal away what's left of me
Til you are mine and I am yours

I am the lover with no one to hold
I am the seeker with an empty soul
I'm everyone who's ever lost hope

And I never saw you coming
I could never dream of running
I have never known such love before
My God, you come, come and breathe your breath in me
Steal away what's left of me
Til you are mine and I am yours

Fall like stars on my shore
Still you are so much more

And I never saw you coming
I could never dream of running
I have never known such love before
My God, you come, come and breathe your breath in me
Steal away what's left of me
Til you are mine and I am yours
.................................................Bebo Norman

Video On YouTube

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Neil Gaiman Says

" occurs to me that the peculiarity of most things we think of as fragile is how tough they truly are. There were tricks we did with eggs, as children, to show how they were, in reality, tiny load-bearing marble halls; while the beat of the wings of a butterfly in the right place, we are told, can create a hurricane across an ocean. Hearts may break, but hearts are the toughest of muscles, able to pump for a lifetime, seventy times a minute, and scarcely falter along the way. Even dreams, the most delicate and intangible of things, can prove remarkably difficult to kill.
Stories, like people and butterflies and songbirds’ eggs and human hearts and dreams, are also fragile things, made up of nothing stronger or more lasting than twenty-six letters and a handful of punctuation marks. Or they are words on the air, composed of sounds and ideas—abstract, invisible, gone once they’ve been spoken—and what could be more frail than that? But some stories, small, simple ones about setting out on adventures or people doing wonders, tales of miracles and monsters, have outlasted all the people who told them, and some of them have outlasted the lands in which they were created."

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Breaking down and cleaning up....

"Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?"

There is something wrong with me. While I hold an almost fanatical degree of optimism for everyone and everything else, when it comes to me, I don't have much hope. I have developed a mentality that somehow sets me apart from everything I do. I believe that nothing physical can or should be able to negatively influence what I consider to be my "self". I have tried to rise above the material, to transcend my base human nature but I'm not sure I'm getting anywhere. I will keep trying though.

One of the things about wanting to die is that you don't care about your body that much, actually, you pretty much don't care about anything. I wanted to quit smoking and reduce my alcohol intake early last year and then I didn't care about it anymore so I have been mistreating my body. Every time I saw someone living on the streets, I marveled at how their bodies were still able to survive that much exposure to the elements, while someone in "perfect health" could waste away in a matter of days. Perhaps for a while now, I have been trying to do myself in, but I think I am done with that feeling. I want to live on, at least for a little while longer.

I have somehow turned into more of a recluse than otherwise. I am tired of pity, misunderstanding and being taken for granted. I have never been one to withhold myself from anyone if I can help it but what happens when those you trust will come to your aid in times of need fail to do so? What do you do with that bitterness or the realisation that the fault is much more yours than theirs?

Some guy out there came up with the idea that there are 5 stages of grief, I would beg to disagree, I don't think there's a formula for this crap. I can say that I've been to number 5 and then some other strange numbers but I am still not at peace. I am still puzzled as to why with so many people in the world, someone can still feel completely alone.

My body is broken and I must fix it. It is a simple, ordinary and mundane thing but for me it is something more. It is the beginning of an attempt to rediscover the desire to be among the living. I want to be one of you, for better, only for better, I hope it is worth it.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Live Writing

I need a modem, or a phone that lets me blog from it. I want to be able to blog on the fly, something I like to call "live writing". I want to be able to write and post without reviewing anything. I got a book on writing sometime last year and it says that "writing is rewriting". It's true but I am fed up. I just want to get stuff out of my head or I'll go nuts, if I'm not there yet.

I find myself too dramatic these days, I can't even take a dump without the fate of the universe being in the balance, which reminds me, never interrupt a man when he's in the loos, it's one of the most peaceful moments in his life, at least for me. Anyway, I think I have too much drama which means I've been a bit selfish and thought of myself only but I don't want to change, not entirely.

I'm on starve meanwhile. I don't know what's wrong with me but I can't seem to find someone who gets my blood running, at least someone appropriate i.e. emotionally independent, funny, available, up for anything, no strings attached etc. It's a bit silly really because I like to be emotionally connected to someone before I do anything, the trick is that I do it easily while the other person normally gets to that point when I'm walking out the door and then I become the jerk, but I am used to it. I will go a hunting soon.

I hope you're all ok, especially you, yes, YOU.

See u later.