Monday, March 04, 2013
Today I turned 32. It feels normal, quite normal. I wonder if this is how the rest of them will be. There's a bit of 'if only' but no more than my fair share I think. I carry the sphere no longer, I am Atlas no more.
I made a few resolutions at the beginning of the year most important of which was to 'laugh' honest and true laughter, with some happy tears if I'm lucky. To love someone too, if I can find you. To write everyday, rebuild old friendships, heal my body, say yes, and buy myself a present. Not to feel guilty about failing to reach your expectations of me, as a man, a brother, a friend and sometime lover. To say no to the 'bad conscience', to pity and nausea; to walk out of the land of 'Nihil' with a bigger soul.
To acquire thirteen new skills, do something scary, get a long overdue full body massage, pay all my debts and acquire complete autonomy, if that is possible.
I want more than that to be happy, if I can define it for myself for I find it is an ever moving mark, this happiness, and the moments when I feel I have hit it, I have found myself afraid of lingering too long, lest boredom overtake me and I yearn for more, so I push myself to want more, things that have gone before, of old lore or something that is nevermore.
I am happy to be here. To be friend, brother, lover and just another.
Happy birthday Dincy, much love sweetie.
Friday, March 01, 2013
|In my next life.|
I like to take a day off once in a while and spend it doing whatever I want and not hustling with any client demands, debtors, creditors, deadlines, blah blah blah. I remind myself that 'it's never that serious' that the world will go on whether I'm there or not and so I can spend some time being myself.
Naked days are tricky if you have a housemate but fortunately mine had run off to the village to check on his plantations and so I had the whole house to myself. As an added bonus, the cleaning lady had been by the day before, so the house was sparkling and I had no issue putting my balls and behind on the cool tiles, aaaaaah.
There's a certain liberty to strolling around sans loin cloth, the proverbial going commando, it feels a bit like floating, if you could become a feather or a dandelion and were carried and gently caressed by the wind. I'm afraid I cannot find a simile elaborate enough to explain the feeling, but I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, if not, I recommend it. Naked days are that and much more.
I wanted to say something about naked days, about how shamelessly looking at your naked self is good for your head, about not being afraid of it, about how much power it can give you but I find myself weighed down by all these cloths, my hands can hardly reach these keys. I can't wait for the next one to come round.
Try it out.