A Happy Happy Birthday

Today I turned 32. It feels normal, quite normal. I wonder if this is how the rest of them will be. There's a bit of 'if only' but no more than my fair share I think. I carry the sphere no longer, I am Atlas no more.

I made a few resolutions at the beginning of the year most important of which was to 'laugh' honest and true laughter, with some happy tears if I'm lucky. To love someone too, if I can find you. To write everyday, rebuild old friendships, heal my body, say yes,  and buy myself a present. Not to feel guilty about failing to reach your expectations of me, as a man, a brother, a friend and sometime lover. To say no to the 'bad conscience', to pity and nausea; to walk out of the land of 'Nihil' with a bigger soul.

To acquire thirteen new skills, do something scary, get a long overdue full body massage, pay all my debts and acquire complete autonomy, if that is possible.

I want more than that to be happy, if I can define it for myself for I find it is an ever moving mark, this happiness, and the moments when I feel I have hit it, I  have found myself afraid of lingering too long, lest boredom overtake me and I yearn for more, so I push myself to want more, things that have gone before, of old lore or something that is nevermore.

I am happy to be here. To be friend, brother, lover and just another.

Happy birthday Dincy, much love sweetie.

Unfinished Life

It's an unfinished life that I find lies before me
An open-ended dream and I don't want to wake
I've crossed so many rivers in search of crystal fountains
I've found the truest paths always lead through mountains
I've seen water on the sky, and fire burning on the lake.

You said to me, "I cannot make you happy.
Like a wounded bird, you must find the strength to fly.
Time can paint the treetops with colors of the rainbow
But you cannot find the end, no matter how you try."

It's a journey with my soul that I am taking.
One that only goes from the cradle to the grave.
Going 'round in circles like painted dancing horses
Up and down we ride on the wooden courses.
And light from a lover's eyes is all that I can save.

You said to me, "I cannot make you happy.
Like a wounded bird, you must find the strength to fly.
Time can paint the treetops with colors of the rainbow
But you cannot find the end, no matter how you try."

So I’ll take the day and run out across the open fields
Where the grass grows high and the shadows fall
Where my eyes can see all the colors in the air
So quiet that the wind whistles in my hair
And takes the rising dust and carries it away.

You said to me, "I cannot make you happy.
Like a wounded bird, you must find the strength to fly.
Time can paint the treetops with colors of the rainbow
But you cannot find the end, no matter how you try."

..........................Kate Wolf

Happy Birthday Dimples; and all you october babies.

Becky is the sweetest girl I know.

There are times when I despair so much that I want to find a lonely corner of the world and spend my days planting veggies and rearing past leaders, then I remember you and that way you smile. The way you look at the world, always with childlike wonder, the faith and hope that you hold within and all the love that you share.

It is a delight, to see you grow into the ever beautiful person that you become, and an eternal blessing to call you friend.

May you always know the love that endures.

Um, apparently there aretons of you born in October (allegedly my big bro as well), a happy birthday to y'all.


OCTOBER by =DennisChunga on deviantART