Of landmasses and conversations with ancient gods

So, I have had to cut my extended world trip short after just one month because I was afflicted by some damn disease called dengue fever and it rendered all my plans futile for now. In truth I really did not have a well laid out plan, I'm not the kind of person who does that. I don't have plan B's for most of the stuff I take on, and this one was really spur of the moment because it dawned on me that I should have been doing this shit already and I did not have any more time to waste. That coupled with the fact that I had to get away for a while made me come out here. The plan was simple:

1. Fly to Cambodia.
   
2. Do an intensive 5 week TEFL course which includes practical teaching as part of the course
   
3. Volunteer with the school as a teacher for 3 months after that
   
4. Find a volunteer opportunity in rural Cambodia and do that for about a year in exchange for food and shelter
   
5. Learn the language (Khmer)
   
6. Find my way into a monastery for another year or so after that, hopefully teach English there as well
   
7. Strike out with my new found wisdom after that and explore the continent, using my teaching skills to fund my travels.
   
8. Go back home after 5 years or so.
   
9. Do the occasional doobie wherever I could find it
   

The overarching goal of this was to simply work my way through my bucket list. The hope was and still is that; I will return wiser, I will change someone's life for the better, I will write some stuff to inspire others and generations that come after, I will save a life, make this brief existence meaningful and dedicate it to one who has gone before. Anyway, the dengue ensured that I couldn't complete the course and that I also run out of money in a blink. Now that I think about it if it had all gone according to plan, I would have probably caught something else in the rural areas because I didn't get any of the relevant vaccinations and the list of the ones I need doesn't fool around. If I got one of those, I wouldn't even have the time to pen off a quick goodbye. Briefly; there's Hep A, B and C, some Japanese Encephala-something* and a few others guaranteed to literally kick the living shit out of you. At least now I know, I do not possess Wolverine's healing factor.

The good thing is that I still have a place on the course and I can do it in either August or Jan as long as I get my ass back here. Hence I'm coming home to probably do some boring stuff and hopefully gather enough green to strike out again in Jan. Um...hopefully I will have a plan B this time round but I doubt it, some habits persist.

I am still upbeat; I have now set foot on two continents and visited one house of worship. It was Wednesday afternoon that I decided to go to the post office and send some post cards and it so happens that it is near Wat Phnom from which the city gets its name. I knew it was going to be an emotional day because I wanted to find a local who spoke a modicum of English and have a conversation. Instead I found myself sitting before an array of Buddha statues and statuettes, lighting a couple of incense sticks and having a one way conversation with one who has gone before, a prayer if you will. There is something wrong with me these days; I find that I am easily overwhelmed by emotion and so I find that thinking about certain things opens the floodgates. I was reading jiny23's blog post about his friend's loss and when I went to comment on it I let loose about a litre. My machismo is down to zero for now. Anyway, I had a long conversation in that temple; I prayed for peace for those who have gone before and those of us who follow, I asked for guidance in my endeavours, for a light to show the way back and for the strength to overcome the myriad of obstacles. All the time I could not stop shedding tears and I hoped that the sweating disguised them from my fellow pilgrims. All in all, I said my bit and I left. There is a tree with the loveliest red flowers here, I don't know if I have seen it elsewhere but its beauty strikes me every time I see it. I said my goodbyes to the city, promised to return and left a few hours later. I have now been stuck in the Bangkok airport for 2 days and I feel a fever coming on. Which reminds me, the song "Fever" is forever spoilt for me because if someone gave me that fever, moreover in the morning, day and night, there would be murder!

The Masterpiece of Nature

Thank you Mark, Dincy and all those of you I'm yet to discover I owe a lot. I would be stuck out here otherwise. I have truly tested my beliefs and they have held firm. I will now embark on paying it all around, back and forward.


And a youth said, "Speak to us of Friendship."
Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.
When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.
And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.
.................................Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

If you're out there...

There is a general feeling the world over that the proverbial has hit the fan. Everything seems to be linked back to the economic crisis which, seeing as I really have never flown high financially, I haven't had the pleasure of experiencing first hand. In fact I seem to have acquired more material wealth in these times of crisis. Let's see, new laptop, camera, old phone, um... new shoes and automobile was in the pipeline but I opted for an extended Christmas holiday which stretched from November to mid January. However I can't deny the fact that everyone's excuse for lack of funds seems to be the credit crunch or munch as some people see it. My reasons for languishing in poverty are purely personal, I plan to become a monk so I am getting used to the idea of doing without material desires. Seriously! Anyway that said, the current global outlook has been one of doom and gloom for the past several months.

However, being the marvelous creatures that we are, we seem to dig in and use moments of adversity to propel us forward. History has several examples; in the wake of WWII, the British parliament formed the National Health Services (NHS) which is regarded the world over as an excellent model for Universal Healthcare. The civil rights movement was borne of the violence that erupted due to racial segregation and discrimination. Vietnam gave us the hippie movement and Bush, whose cardinal sin seems to be that he was short changed in the IQ department, has given way to Obama, the man of the people. The important thing to note is that each of these moments has had someone leading the way, someone with a vision and with the interests of the people at heart. It remains to be seen whether Obama will pull the US and by extension the world through these tough times, there can be no doubt that his heart is in the right place but he cannot go it alone. Hence the call to his fellow americans to help remake the nation and a global call to rest of us to help remake the world.

The point of this post is to simply ask if you are ready to do your bit and remake the world. I once asked my friend Mark if he could consider himself the person to stand up for his generation and make a change and I remember he was overwhelmed by the suggestion. I believe that each and everyone of us has the ability to make a difference, to begin today, right now and start making your world a better place. A place you will be proud to call home. Some of us are meant to lead the way, some of us are meant to inspire but each one of us can and should, bit by bit make a difference. Are you ready to heed the call and be the change you want see. It all begins with you. I give you one whose words may inspire you more than mine.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. John Legend

If you're out there

If you hear this message, wherever you stand
I'm calling every woman, calling every man
We're the generation
We can't afford to wait
The future started yesterday and we're already late

We've been looking for a song to sing
Searched for a melody
Searched for someone to lead
We've been looking for the world to change
If you feel the same
Then go on and say

If you're out there
Sing along with me
If you're out there
I'm dying to believe that you're out there
Stand up and say it loud
If you're out there
Tomorrow's starting now
Now, now

No more broken promises
No more call to war
Unless it's love and peace that we're really fighting for
We can destroy hunger
We can conquer hate
Put down the arms and raise your voice
We're joining hands today

Oh I was looking for a song to sing
I searched for a leader
But the leader was me
We were looking for the world to change
We can be heroes
Just go on and say

If you're out there
Sing along with me
If you're out there
I'm dying to believe that you're out there
Stand up and say it loud
If you're out there
Tomorrow's starting now
Now, now

Oh now, now

If you're ready we can shake the world
Believe again
It starts within
We don't have to wait for destiny
We should be the change that we want to see

If you're out there
Ooooh
If you're out there
And you're ready now
Say it loud
Scream it out

If you're out there
Sing along with me
If you're out there
I'm dying to believe that you're out there
Stand up and say it loud
If you're out there
Tomorrow's starting now

If you're out there
If you're out there
If you're out there

If you hear this message, wherever you stand
I'm calling every woman, calling every man
We're the generation
We can't afford to wait
The future started yesterday and we're already late

Oh, I don't know who was solely responsible for the Hippie movemnt, but a thumbs up to them. The herb is holy, when done in moderation.

Veritas Aequitas

I've been tagged by Shishi and asked to tell a few truths about myself. Here goes...

1. I am in love with one who has gone before. It's hard but I am making my peace with it.
2. Consequently I have discovered that all I want to do with my life is help, teach, write and travel hopefully all at once
3. I am not afraid of death. Not so long ago it was the only thing I craved though I have a sneaking suspicion that my years will be long and testing.
   
4. I seem to have an overdeveloped sense of empathy and this makes me profoundly sad because I seem to feel everyone's pain. I believe that my only cure is to embrace the simple miracle of being.
5. I don't think I will ever get married, it's something I have known as true for a very long time and events have only conspired to reaffirm this fact. But I am open minded, I know that life is as funny as it is unpredictable and so maybe one day I will say the words "I do". I also have the utmost respect for the union of two souls and I think that some people don't hold it as sacred as it is.
   
6. I am afraid that I will never love another soul completely again because part of me has been taken away and I don't know if what's left is enough. I hope that one day I will heal.
7. I believe that life only has meaning when I do things out of love, compassion and kindness. All else is futile and would leave my days empty and bereft of joy.
8. My favorite song is Angel by Sarah McLachlan closely followed by Secret Garden by Bruce Springsteen
9. I am a hopeless romantic and sad movies make me cry. It's a lot worse these days, I seem to have gone hormonal, I break down way too easily. The Secret Life of Bees tortured me!
10. I can't engage in small talk. It is an art that has eluded me, I like discussing serious stuff like the fate of the galaxy, whether Frodo will get the ring to mordor and then there is that damn spoon or not. Seriously small talk is hard for me, I don't even know how to start it. "Um...the weather's lovely this month?"
11. I have always been a dreamer. I always dreamt of being a Knight of the Realm. It probably explains why I love fantasy and sci fi.
    
12. I don't believe in the idea of an omnipotent God as sold by the major world religions. I have always found the christian god to be pompous and malevolent. I discarded religion when I was 14 and have since engaged in arguments concerning said being. They always end in a stalemate and numerous prayers said on my behalf. I however understand why some people need the belief.
13. I'm done for now.
14. I think I have said too much
15. I feel naked
16. Someone hand me a loincloth
17. Please!
18. Oh and I like sleeping in the nude!
    

Superhuman?

You said I was Superman, you said I was extraordinary, that I could do anything. You said it would be okay, that we would be fine, you did not know but you made me believe. I held your hand, I wanted to give you my life, I knelt down and for the first time in 14 years I said a prayer. I have embraced my purpose, my one reason for going on but it hurts, all the time. I cry, I am the last son of a dead planet but I bleed. I bleed.

The Cambodian Secret Police!

Football may be just a game but that Norwegian referee should find a quiet corner of this planet and lay low. Tuvalu might not be a bad idea Mr. Ovredo because if I was a Chelsea fan, I would have Timothy Olyphant on your ass. For all the Man United fans, "Big is Big".

I've been in this city two weeks now and it feels like a lifetime. I don't consider myself the kind of person who falls homesick so my longing for the cooler climes of home is based on a few things. I picked up Dengue fever a few days after I arrived or on arrival, apparently it has an incubation period of about 2 weeks so I might not have had that at all but I had all the bloody symptoms and that's what matters. Phnom Penh is hot and humid; I was shocked the first morning I woke up here; I took three steps and thought I was dissolving, beads of sweat formed instantly everywhere (and I mean everywhere) and quickly coalesced into rivulets. The temperature pretty much stays the same the whole day so imagine my shock when I woke up at 3:00 am on Wednesday morning and I was freezing! I thought I was going nuts and then the headache set in and finally the body ache (from which we get the name break bone fever). Having had my first thirty minute lesson the evening before, I was looking forward to the feedback session with the trainers but after two hours of attempting to "wriggle my big toe" I jumped on a 'tuk tuk' and headed to the clinic. A few forms later; some prods and probes, a bit of hide and seek because the kind nurse had showed me to a bed while I waited for the doctor and I got to see Dr. Velez. He was a nice enough doctor, took all my information and then proceeded to tell me that I might have dengue but that could not be confirmed until I had had the fever for a few more days. At first I thought this was hospital humour, the nice doctor's attempt at a lighter bedside manner and then I slowly realized he wasn't joking. So I asked him for the other symptoms of this fever and what treatment there was. Without flinching he runs through a top ten list of things you don't want happening to you in a strange land; nausea, vomiting, severe headaches, fever, diarrhoea, intense body ache and others. Then he prescribed me pain killers and said I should take as much fluids as I could and stay in cool places. I wanted to tell him "Dude, this is the hottest city I've ever been to; I have class from 9 to 4 and teaching practice from 6 to 8 and all in very hot rooms". After getting my bill, I really wanted to throttle someone, one visit to the doctor and I was in danger of becoming destitute in a strange land, and I had to come back in 5 days!

I managed to make it to class on Thursday and discovered that I could not afford to miss one more day or I wouldn't be able to get a certificate on completion which would make the entire course moot. I had my second teaching session that evening and it was fine. I seem to have had a handle on the sweating thing but I think that was mostly the fever. Friday morning and shit hit the fan, the pain killers seemed as effective as a fly swat against Godzilla and I felt like I had been trudging across the continent but I had to make it to class! My first weekly feedback session and my trainer Emily thinks that I'm a natural! Can you believe that? Me? A natural? I think back on all the teachers that I've had and I get the image of Mr. Okello, my primary four science teacher who used to prefix my name with an O. After pointing out areas for me to improve upon, Emily lets me go get some rest. It is sad to say that was the last day I stepped in class. The idea was to recuperate over the weekend and return to class on Monday brimming with energy. Friday was the beginning of something else; "halluciNation" is what I will call it. It all started innocently enough, someone whispering my name and giving me information about the Cambodian Secret Police and then somehow finding myself a member of it. Before I know it, there's a North Korea nuke on its way to wipe out Phnom Penh and I must do something. Then I find out that the nuke was a ruse by some ancient sect of power hungry beings, their plan is to empty the city and search for an ancient artifact that would grant them absolute power. I am the last of the guardians. I must not fail.

Anyway the weekend is full of such and the complete host of symptoms for Dengue fever. The headaches are so intense that I find myself doing the most intricate yoga positions involuntarily. At this point I haven't eaten in days, I have nothing resembling an appetite and I can't even keep water down, though I have been jumping off the Angkor Wat temples with Lara Croft. I called the doctor on Saturday to ask him for the dengue treatment since I was pretty sure I had it and I learn that the damn disease has no cure. The best I can do is treat the symptoms until the fever breaks and I'm in the clear. This news shocks and leaves me in dismay, if I'm not better by Monday then I can't go to class.....ergo. At this point I hate the smell of the city and its food, both smells seem to pervade everything here and I'm at the point of throwing up my guts. If it wasn't for the fact that I promised someone I would return, I would let this damn disease claim me. The poetic symmetry of it would be interesting at least. I understand too that the idea of going through this pain every week for the rest of your life is unpalatable and I have an idea now why you wouldn't fight any longer. I think I finally make my peace with it, strange that I had to come out here to do it and I think I know why.

Monday and the dream of going to class is no more, I cannot bend the spoon Neo, whether it's there or not. I go to another clinic, one that will not leave me trawling the streets of PP after a visit. The good doctor Sheppard takes the usual history and is concerned that I might have picked up malaria from elsewhere because of the dengue incubation period. I assure him that unless there was a stash of mosquitoes on those big aluminium birds we call aeroplanes then I have had no contact with malaria. After reaffirming that there is indeed no treatment but to tackle the symptoms, he tells me I should be in the recovery phase. He prescribes some anti nausea medicine; some oral rehydration salts (when did they start making them sweet?), some painkillers and the best piece of advice that I should have someone administer an IV from home as it would be bloody expensive to do at the clinic. He also takes a couple of vials of blood to look for different things.

My classmates and instructors are an amazing bunch and only a separate blog post will be fair to them but Amy and Lisa with whom I stay (same hostel) have been amazing. Amy has tried her best to pump me with all sorts of food and drink. Lisa willingly gave up her room with a/c so that I could recuperate and I think that did the trick. Anyway two IVs later and I can finally keep food down again, in a few more days I should be able to head on back home and plan another campaign out here. I will return you damn city, even if I have to put on a hazmat suit all the time. I will teach someone here and learn something as well.

In case you're wondering how the affair with the ancient beings and the last of the guardians ends, I will ruminate a while and see if anything comes to mind.

360 Degrees

So I pack a few clothes, shoes, laptop, books and my music which I consider to be my "army of thousands". Not having owned much in the way of material things, I give what little is left away. I hop on an Emirates Airbus 330 and head east. My destination, the Kingdom of Cambodia, it should take me roughly 30 odd hours to get there. Emirates is a fantastic airline, I have an array of entertainment to keep me occupied before my first stop in Dubai. I decide to watch the Top Gear crew ride motorcycles across Vietnam then a British sitcom about a group of IT geeks and finally Frost/Nixon which is an excellent movie. Nixon was a bastard and he's unlucky he didn't live long enough to see an even bigger bastard in Bush junior. All this is complimented by some excellent food, something with lamb, some tea and juice, all at several thousand feet. I arrive in Dubai at about 05:30 and get a chance to see it from the air at night. It's beautiful, the lights are amazing, and the highways are like long fiery serpents that wind their way across this desert land. The plane docks at terminal 3 and I step into the biggest airport I have ever visited, I'm afraid of getting lost but thankfully the entire place has signs all over and I make my way to the transfer desk so easily that I have to ask the lady if I'm in the right place. Speaking of which, the stewardesses are hot! Anyway departure is three hours later and I'm on my way to Bangkok and after doing a body odour check I realize that I should have taken a shower before I left for the airport. This time I'm on a Boeing 7something7, it's daytime and I can see the gulf state clearly. It's a marvellous city jutting out of the sand with tall towers everywhere. I remember looking out of the airport at the city and seeing construction cranes everywhere and it strikes me that man is still obsessed with building tall towers despite the failure of Babel. I wonder to myself whether this city has a soul to it, maybe one day I will find out or one who has been will tell me. We fly east and I get the sense that I'm time travelling because of all the time zone changes. The clouds are beautiful; the way the sunlight falls on them makes them look solid. I feel that I could walk on them. It saddens me that you are not here with me to see this beauty and I wonder if somewhere out there, maybe high above the world you can see it too. I watch 'The Secret Life of Bees' and am moved to tears.

I arrive in Bangkok at 18:30 and find the desk to get my next boarding pass, however I have to spend 12 hours waiting for my next flight. This guitar that I'm lugging around is beginning to annoy me but I keep my spirits up and decide to explore the airport. I spend the night visiting the smoking rooms which are a small mercy, riding the elevators drinking mochas and eating New York Subs. At one point I have a chat with Samir who works as a safety auditor on commercial ships for a Japanese company, I learn that there is such a discipline as Nautical Sciences and that he's been all over the world. He's been doing this for the last 14 years and is thinking of retiring and moving his family from India to Singapore. We talk about a lot of stuff, travel, the economy, Uganda, India, Japan, history and the future. It is a very welcome conversation and it whiles away the time. We say goodbye and head to get our various boarding passes. I get to the desk and present my ticket and I'm told I have to wait while they call Phnom Penh to verify my volunteer letter and that I should check back at 07:00. The flight is at 07:50 so this does not bother me. I find a comfortable spot and sit down to while away another 2 hours and then I run into Amkit.

Amkit is from Berkely, CA and is on his way to Kolkata, India to see his mother among other things. We begin chatting and it strikes us how lucky we are to have met at that point, I find him intriguing and full of life. Like me he is a hopeless romantic and has had his own fare share of heartbreak and he too is on a journey to heal his soul. I cut our conversation short because I have to go and get my boarding pass and he becomes concerned that he has offended me. I allay his fears and promise to come back and say bye after picking my boarding pass. I head back to the nice Thai lady and discover that I have to spend another 12 hours in the airport because she has not been able to contact the school in Phnom Penh and I have to take the evening flight. It is now Thursday morning and I have been awake since Tuesday 10:00am. Strangely I don't feel anything negative and I go off to find Amkit who is on phone with a friend back in the states. He invites me to have a chat with Esther who is a retired teacher and has just recovered from major surgery. I am struck by the simple beauty of the fact that I left home a few days ago and here I am with someone I've never met before talking to a stranger in a far off land. We are indeed all connected. After the phone call, he offers to buy me breakfast and we chat some more, he introduces me to the music of Asa which is to say the least lovely. I particularly like the song 360 Degrees which speaks to me in a way only Dincy would understand. I introduce him to the music of Henri Dikongue and he can barely hide his excitement. Some scrumptious Thai food, two cups of coffee, an exchange of ideas and dreams and a promise to keep in touch, we part ways and I busy myself with the internet and the smoking rooms while I await my flight.

I board another Airbus at 18:50 and head to Phnom Penh my journey already having been worth it. I am tired and I have kavubs but I feel inspired and alive.

Playing tip or was it spelled teep...

Normzo or Norma as I know him has seen fit to bestow upon me this prestigious award. I am over the moon, yup, like the cow in the nursery rhyme.
Okay, 7 blogs that I find brilliant.

• Minega Strikes Back: Dude where did you go? Trip to space?
  
• Across the line
• This too, shall pass
  
• A Common Life
• Greenfinity
• th3 int3llig3nsi4
• Steph Versus World
• The Rogue King

Now 10 things about me

1. I have kissed the love of my life.
2. I have just upped and left the life I know for a far away country to teach English.
3. I enjoy smoking weed
4. I have an unyielding belief in the innate kindness of human beings
5. I will never know what it feels like to have a father
6. I am obsessed with "The Sandman"
7. I am not afraid to trust
8. I judge people by deed and word
9. I think that I am a feminist
10. I have overactive sweat glands, every time I am nervous or I exert myself a bit, my face is like a flowing river. So I like to be calm and collected.

Then the instructions for the 'chosen ones' ;

1.You must brag about the award

2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger

3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. 4.Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.

5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself.Then pass it on with the instructions!

I guess that's about it....tag or tip...you're it.

The fear you won't fall.

Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.
.......................................................................................... The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran

I am sad, that is true. I am sad because of those who have gone before, I am sad because sometimes we have to say goodbye. I am sad because we as human beings seem to have failed to learn the lessons life has attempted to teach us. I am sad because of many things.

I am hopeful. I know that I am loved. I have learned how to love. I know what to do with my life. I have found the question for which love is the answer.

Taking Leave

So, I have arrived at this point. The many winding roads have led me here, the point at which I know with absolute certainty that I must leave you all. Ever since that February day, I have had but one desire and that is “to lay down my life and call it a day”. The sadness I feel each day is worse, everything here reminds of her and I know that the pain I feel will be with me until I draw my last breath. Only my simple belief in the kindness of strangers stays my hand, that and the desire to see the world, to save a life, to expend my life doing something good. It is now clear to me that I will never put down roots anywhere, the whole world is my home and yet I am a stranger here.
It is hard for me to say goodbye, I don’t know how to do it. I hope a few words will suffice.
I have always believed that lady luck looked at me when I was born and decided that it was not for me to win lotteries and grand prizes, I believe she simply whispered in my ear “You will have the fortune of meeting the most beautiful and lovely people”. It has been amazing knowing all of you.

Roger, you are an amazing person, one of the kindest people I’ve ever known. I can never pay back all that you’ve given me because you gave me my life when I thought I had lost it. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I know sometimes life is hard but if there’s anyone with the guts and belief to make it, it is you. I will always be proud to call you my brother.

Stella, I hope that one day you truly laugh and that those dark feelings leave you. I also hope that one day you find yourself, and that you embrace the simple miracle of being because life is simply just grand, you just have to breathe the free air to know it.

Mark, I pray you find the things that make you truly happy. It may seem that you were much happier in the yesteryears but “life has loveliness to sell” in amazing abundance. I know that the road ahead may sometimes seem difficult and the light may sometimes seem like it’s gone out. All I can tell you is to put one foot in front of the other and keep walking.

Googz, I hope one day you find the courage to let go of yourself and remember what it feels like to trust. Take a chance! No one has to do it alone.

Abbas don’t let anyone tell you what you can and cannot do; only you can tell yourself that. If it means that you must take a chance and go with blind faith then do it, you’ll be the better for it. I know you and Sheila will do some amazing things together, so don’t waste any time because life is short.

Jorge, I feel your pain, I hope one day it all works out. You’re one of the best people I know, I have faith that you will be okay. There is one out there, one that will love the pilgrim soul in you.

Kats, I wish you the happiest days of your life. You’ve got a good thing going, that girl and you. I thank you for offering wise counsel and pray that you continue to do so.

Nagi, have faith in your friends, do not be afraid to ask for a helping hand. That is what friends are for. Don’t lose the joker in you; life is too short to be too serious.

Dush, I wish you one more guardian angel to watch over you. I will never forget that we had that “profoundest moment” and I hope you never lose that foothold in Zion.

Dipo, I wish I had the time to figure you out. Sometimes you seem too angry and other times there is a happiness few really know. I know there is nothing more important in your life than your friends so I hope you’re always surrounded by the truest of friends. I also hope that you find that thing that makes you truly at peace.

Bams, I wish you the best of luck in all your endeavors. Do not get lost in that world of numbers and derivatives and whatnot, take a moment every now and then and smell the flowers.

Kezie, I pray you find something that inspires you to change your life for the better. I feel that somewhere along the way, life’s most important lesson has been lost on you. I hope you get another chance to learn it before it’s too late. Remember, “You’ve got to give a little, to live a little”.

Miles, Gitta, Bits, Enan, Kagzi, Allano, Budi, Izak, Victor, all you nook and jeras niggaz, thank you for your friendship.

Fiona, I hope that the night sky and fireworks will always be amazing for you and that your life will always be filled with the loveliest music. It has been a pleasure knowing you. I will miss those conversations. I hope one day our paths cross and we can sit and share our experiences.

Pat, never forget that there is something nice and lovely about you.

Dimples, I pray that one day you find Isaac and all your dreams come true. Thank you for accepting me as I am, it is a rare thing indeed to be loved unconditionally. May you always have that sparkle in your eyes and that warm loving smile. Never let anyone tell you it’s wrong to give a damn because in the end only kindness matters. You are perfect, just keep being you.

Diana, I wish you many more lovely moments and years. I am sorry that I have fallen out of touch but I will never forget our friendship. I am sorry that I missed your wedding day; it hurts me that I did.

Trish, thank you for those wild and sweet moments of ecstasy and for giving me the definition of “making love”. There is one for you out there, I only ask that you find your voice and know yourself.

Penny; something tells me that if I had but talked with you a little more, I would have discovered another part of me. If anyone is equipped with the right stuff to find true happiness, it is you. Don’t ever forget that.

Scharlyne, I guess all I can say is that we all tread the roads we tread. I know yours leads to success and I hope you have happiness as your companion.

Esther, It was lovely while it lasted. I will not forget you and I wish you the best.

Jaq, you will always be a highlight in my life. Our shared love of words and beautiful things will endure and I know that we’ll be the best of friends to our dying days. I pray you find that friend who will cook you a soup to warm your soul.

Sam, you’re a sweet soul, gentle and kind. I pray you never lose that. Good luck with everything

Maria, the words are what matters, the things spoken, the sharing of knowledge, of values and of dreams; these are the things that matter between two people. Do the talk thing and you’ll understand each other. I hope one day you discover what you really desire to do.

Gloria, I wish you pure and simple happiness. I hope that you’ll get to run around with your grandchildren and give them fairytale names. Give Lorena a kiss for me and tell her I will write her a bedtime story one day.

Salomé, you’re in love with one who bears my name. I do not doubt that you will be okay. Enjoy every minute of it.

Tabitha, joy, love, peace, happiness, comfort, adventure and more; these are things that I wish for you.

Sarah, my friend and friend of my friend, I know we share the same pain and a hope that these things will make us better people; for both our sakes I believe this to be true. I will miss you dearly and that lovely way you smile. Have an amazing life.

Dincy, aaah, the wonder of you; our lives indeed are too strange for us. I feel the things that you feel and yet I must leave you. I go to heal myself and I hope you find a way to heal yourself too, I promise that I will keep checking on you and if I should return and find that you are not happy here I will take you with me. For my part I pray you have a beautiful life. These things that grow from empathy are comforting and hopeful. Thank you for being there.

Bré, I tried to say my goodbye yesterday and I know it will take me a long time to let go if ever. I will keep the fire burning however long the years may be. Even though it seems that I go to forget, I know that I never will. I take you with me; in the depths of my heart for you will always be what drives me. I will simply live my life in memory of you.

…and for all of you
I have a simple idea, that each and every one of us is unique. The moments that have brought you to be are in themselves so unique that there will never be another like you. I think that sometimes you forget something as simple as the fact that you are special.

The years lie before you; they are empty pages of a book, a book that tells the story of your life. You are the author and it is up to you to choose the words to put down. May you all write all manner of beautiful things and may you never forget that you hold the instruments of the storyteller, be they pen, pencil, keyboard or paintbrush. You are the author, your life will always be your own.

Be the best of friends, support each other, and do not be afraid to correct one another. Do not be quick to anger; try to understand each other instead. Work together so that you may all prosper, and remember that life is not a zero sum equation.

How to save a life?

I have been thinking about life. In fact I think about it a lot. What does it mean? What is my purpose? How can I know that I have done well with my fair share of it? These are all questions that only I can answer. No book or religion or person can tell me these things, but even as I write this I know that we as human beings are simply nothing more than the sum of our experiences. The things that we go through in life, the good and the bad determine how we look at life and give us the lessons we take with us on whatever path we tread. I have seen a few things here and there, experienced immeasurable joy and sorrow and like a rope maker I have beaten the strands and wisps that make the bonds of true friendship. I have always thought that my purpose in life was simply to love and to be loved and though life in all its fickleness has conspired to make me believe otherwise I have held fast to these beliefs. Now like some poet long since dead, I stand on the edge of a surf tormented shore and I ask the Gods that be, of small things and those of great consequence, that one day I can save a life. For then I will know that my life has been worth something and I will be absolved of all my indiscretions.

Storms

For Dincy, thank you for being there and for knowing how I feel.

There will be storms, child
There will be storms
And with each tempest
You will seem to stand alone
Against cruel winds
But with time, the rage and fury
Shall subside And when the sky clears
You will find yourself
Clinging to someone
You would have never known
But for storms.
............................................Margie DeMerell

This is how we remember you

With heads bowed in silent prayer,
Cheeks wet with silent tears,
Hearts heavy with silent sadness,
This is how we mourn you.

Reliving the moments spent together,
Remembering the secrets told and kept,
Feeling the intimacies in the elements,
This is how we grieve for you.

Taking the joy, love, peace and happiness,
Finding a voice in solacing solitude,
Passing it forward and giving it to the world,
This is how we remember you.

…………………………………………………………….RCK

CouchSurfing

CouchSurfing (verb): To crash at someone else's place.

The CouchSurfing Project is a free, Internet-based, international hospitality service, and it is currently the largest hospitality exchange
www.couchsurfing.com

I have been afflicted by wanderlust of late and am still in the process of planning my permanent move overseas but the need to get away has been intense. While reading a travel blog online I came across CouchSurfing and proceeded to investigate this community of people who are likewise afflicted. The process is relatively simple, you sign up on the website and get in touch with people who live where you want to go.

So I signed up on the website and proceeded to get in touch with 2 people in Nairobi and 2 others in Dar asking if I could crash on their couches for a few days. I received 2 offers in 24 hours so I packed my bag and run off with little or no money to crash on Putu's couch in Nairobi.

The bus ride was something else, it set off at midday and I proceeded to enjoy the scenery and chat with my neighbour who was on his way to Mombasa. Let me just say Uganda is a bloody beautiful country. 4 hours later we reached the border and quickly got through to the other side so I thought to myself a few more hours and we'll be there. 5 hours later I was knackered and wanted to just get off the bus and walk, little did I know I had 4 more hours and like a gazillion roadblocks to go. The night sky was absolutely amazing and so was the occasional smoke when we stopped for a few minutes. It is an interesting thing but I think smokers have a headstart in making a connection, all it takes is the sharing of a lighter or cigarette and the words come easier.

Anyway 13 hours after setting off I arrived in Nairobi and proceeded to find my host Putu at Carnivore and trust him to be nice and drunk. I quickly deposited my bags and a lovely girl called Wanja bought us shots. The night was filled with beer and strangers; Putu who incidentally is from South Africa and has only been here a month, Wanja who loves old school hip hop, Ameline who was going back to Norway the next day, Prossie who took me through a vigorous ragga session and a host of other interesting people. We stumbled into Putu's apartment at 5:30 and I took up residence on his couch, my journey already having been worth it.

Got up at about 4 and headed to Gipsy, a nice bar and restaurant with a gypsy theme to it, a version of Bubbles if I might say so. I had the best burger ever "classic beef burger with glazed ham, lettuce, tomato, fresh basil and mozzarella" according to the menu which I nicked because it had this poem that I found very exciting and foretelling.

Auspicious Rose (Mary-Ann Robertson)

Whether traveller or reveller
Runaway or refugee
We gather together by a fortuneteller
Wherever dweller the gipsy
Here tales are told
Among scattered packets of tobacco
And shot sambuca sold
Peels of laughter reeling in tequila
'ere there
Drowned sorrow soaks tomorrow in amnesia
Down in one dime or two wine or three
Behold
The curtain of each character unfolds
As thy forune is perchance unrolled
On petalled gipsy palm
Charmed mistress o'er crystall ball
So future vagrants may yet recall
Who knows
That romance did those befall
Amid skulduggery and rose

After watching that painful loss to Fulham, we settled down to conversation and beer while waiting for a one Luc to arrive. Luc is by all definitions African American, even though his last name is Angwenyi. He grew up there and so almost everything about him is gangsta. At first I was shocked to see this big, boisterous fellow but as the night wore on I was pleased to discover that beneath all that macho stuff he has a lot of respect for other people and is really intelligent.

Luc came along with his boss Amid or Hamid or something like that. Amid (I'll stick with that) is British but of Indian descent and considers himself Kenyan. A lawyer by training, he came to Africa 20 years ago with the desire to make a difference in the world around him. A successful businessman, he also runs 5 homes for battered women and children. He's married to a British lady and has 3 children, the youngest a daughter. He hopes that one day she'll marry a nice African man and be happy and in his words "complete". But for all this stuff, Amid struck me as a deeply sad man, he feels he hasn't achieved the things he wants to, he is disgusted with the fact that Africans still dance to the white man's tune. He is disappointed that he has not been able to inspire his fellow man to greater heights and would gladly assist anyone pursuing such an endavour. All this he tells me after I introduce myself as an aspiring writer. Anyway he gets too sloshed and takes his leave and I desiring to continue the conversation ask Luc about him and I get invited to their offices on Monday (sadly I'll be leaving then).

We all settle down at a table and I meet Mercy, Sheila, Graeme, Oscar and Hakim. Oscar and Hakim are Ugandan and have been in Nairobi for about a year. Graeme who also happens to be Luc's boss is British, he's been in Africa for ages as well and loves it, especially Zambia. He's recently divorced after a 14 year marriage and has one daughter he loves absolutely. Incidentally he strikes me as a happy guy who loves life and doesn't take waste an opportunity to enjoy it. He cozzies up to Mercy and I promptly turn my attention to the rest of the party. I learn a new swahili word "baridi" which means cold because warm beer seems to be the rule rather than the exception here. Luc meanwhile is being his gangsta self and making advances on several girls after having an intimate moment with Sheila who happens to be his wokmate. By the by the alcohol gets to him and he comes over to the table with a wild haired girl who looks like nothing but trouble and indeed proves to be as Sheila turns up the heat on him. A few mineral water bottles later he comes to his senses and gets rid of the valkyrie.

Meanwhile I've lost track of how many beers I've consumed and Putu is busy trying to get lucky. After some abandoned dancing, more beer, juicy steaks and more conversation we head home at 4 or thereabouts. We get home and Putu receives a phone call and rushes back out to get lucky. I being too hammered jump onto the couch and call it a good night.

Sunday is a beautiful day with the loveliest weather I've seen in a while. We walk around the city which is nice and neat. We have lunch at some Italian restaurant and then proceed to the Masai market where I have to choose between buying a Masai blanket that is apparently worn by the Masai men when they are brewing beer and chilling or one that is put on by the warriors. I opt for the former and then we go home to chill and wait for the Liverpool game. Its pretty much winddown mode from there onwards and now I have look forward to a 13 hour journey. I so want to see the rift valley.

The Bucket List

Before I set out on my journey, I have decided to make a list of the things I want to do before I die, the things that will truly make me happy. Every single day, I will try to do one or more of these things and hopefully by the time I shuffle off, I will be smiling or sky diving, who knows. I think if each one of us made such a list and everyday was spent consciously trying to achieve or do these things, we would all be a happier lot. It is a strange thing how we often tell ourselves that we cannot do the things we want to do because of one thing or another, but when something happens, we look at our lives and wonder why we waste so much time doing unpleasant and mundane things. So, I challenge you to sit down, make your list, and see how far you can take it.

• Find inner peace
  
• Save a life
• Carry the peace flag all over the world
  
• Sit atop a mountain and watch the sunrise
  
• Learn to play the guitar
  
• Write and perform a song for my love
  
• Set foot on all the continents
  
• Feel the ocean
  
• Visit the Taj Mahal
  
• Spend a year in a monastery
  
• Run with the bulls
  
• Tomato Fight
  
• Go Bungee Jumping
• Carnival in Brazil
  
• Sky Diving
  
• Make Snow Angels
  
• Visit 25 houses of worship around the world and light a candle in each
  
• Attend the FIFA World Cup
  
• Walk along the Great Wall of China
  
• Swing a Samurai Sword
  
• Learn Arabic, Chinese, French, Spanish and Hindi
  
• Write a book
• Write poetry
  
• Make love on the beach
  
• Have a threesome (with 2 hot birds)
  
• Sit on a park bench in Amsterdam and smoke weed
  
• Cook an Indian meal
  
• Drive an Aston Martin DBS
• Roller coaster ride
• Ice skate like a pro
• Ride a camel, elephant and horse
• Attend a Coldplay concert
• Shake hands with someone who has truly changed a country
• Hot air baloon ride
  

…..I will always be yours!

I remember all the times you kissed me, underneath the starlight in Jinja, that time in stakeout, that time in Hohe's car, that night in the disco, in that game of spin the bottle at Maria's, that night outside your house, that night in your car outside my house….each and every single one magical! I meant what I told you, that you are the one person I can see myself spending the rest of my life with. My love is too much to contain, now that you've gone from here, and if I must give it away to the whole world to find you again, then I give it up. I can't live without you. I know I will see you in the smiling faces and warm embraces of all that I meet out there, and where there is a tear I will wipe it away. I don't know where the roads will take me but I hope that at the end of it all, I lay me by the ocean and come to join you. If somewhere out there my mind should let go, I pray that the one thing that remains is the memory of you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy thanksgiving to all y'all and don't miss the cnn heroes show.

Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends

Every now and then I like to let my mind wander, helped along of course by several authors, film directors and an overactive imagination. So without much fanfare, presenting a list of events; past, future, fictional and others that I would like or have liked to be a part of.

1. Armageddon

Hollywood has served up this scenario of earth's ultimate fate several times, most notably the 1998 blockbuster "Armageddon" starring Bruce Willis and Billy Bob Thornton. The idea is simple; there's so much junk leftover from the bing bang and cosmic collisions that one day we'll experience the cosmic equivalent of slipping on a banana peel. Apparently the dinosaurs suffered a similar fate and it's long overdue.

If we put aside the fact that it would probably be curtains for mankind, imagine what it would feel and look like. The visual effects would be amazing, and the knowing that everything will be wrapped up momentarily (assuming it's predicted early enough) would be enough to humble even the greatest ego.

2.Contact!

There is life out there. OK, you've probably realised by now that I'm a science fiction buff, but seriously there's life out there. Intelligent life at that and one day, in some distant future or hopefully sooner, we'll stumble upon it or it us. I imagine it would change a whole lot of things; religions would crumble overnight, economic systems, etc.

3. One step closer to nowhere!















"That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." Immortal words uttered by Neil Armstrong. Imagine what it feels like to walk on the surface of the moon. To look up and see the earth thousands of kilometers away. To walk in the void, in the nothingness that is everything...aaah! the wonder!

Although overshadowed by cold war ideologies and painted as the "race to the moon", it portrays a significant human trait lauded in a TV series of the same decade: "To boldly go where no man has gone before"

4. When in the course of human events...

The American declaration of independence is one of the most beautiful documents ever penned. Written by Thomas Jefferson it was a formal explanation of why the US continental congress had voted to declare independence from Great Britain. If I had lived then, I would not have hesitated to take arms and rise up.

"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness..."

....to be continued

Number 13

13. There are fewer things more peaceful than having a child fall asleep in your arms.

I fleet..I float..I cannot tell a lie....

Um where was I?..oh yes..things I have learnt over the years..

11. Honesty is a double edged sword and if you must lie, do it by omission.
I have a strange compulsion to be honest in my social dealings...It's ended my relationships twice. I don't want to say I have a strong moral compass but I believe in the end it's good to be honest. However it's inevitable that at one time or another you have to tell a lie perhaps a white one, do it by omission and if u can't then abandon the facade.

12. There are fewer things more important in life than the friends we make.
To quote Alan Shore quoting Ralph Waldo Emerson " A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature."

you're breaking the speed of the sound of loneliness

There's something about a beautiful voice singing a sad song. It sinks deep inside you. Like a diver hunting for treasure, it brings all sorts of feelings and memories to the surface. Yet there's something more to it, Brenda was telling me yesterday that it's amazing how it can make you feel happy and sad at the same time. It makes you remember and feel sad moments, makes you imagine how the person who wrote it felt and makes you realise that you're not the only one who has ever known such sadness. It makes you believe there's a kindred soul out there....just waiting to be chanced upon...like a treasure chest in the ocean...you find hope...and you dream once more.

Take me back to Anona street
Fill my glass again
With a bittersweet
Cause I don't wanna see
The life I have
Thought the next time around
Wouldn't be so bad

Same mistake that I made before
I'll be waking up
On the kinlin' floor
While the bells are ringing
So low and sad
Thought the next time around
Wouldn't be so bad

Same mistake that I made before
I'll be waking up
On the kinlin' floor
I remember how
I made you mad
Thought the next time around
Wouldn't be so bad

I Thought the next time around
Wouldn't be so bad
Thought the next time around
Wouldn't be so bad
-------------------------Alison Krauss

....in the end, only kindness matters

8. I have been lucky to experience the kindness of strangers
There are fewer things more amazing than the kindness of strangers. I am not talking about that pocket change you give to the beggar or that donation to the children's fund you gave last year. I'm talking about "come into my home, share my roof, my food.." kindness. I have been fortunate to know it and I can't think of a better way to repay it than to if possible pay it back but always "PAY IT FORWARD".

9. Everyone has a right to bear arms (after a psych evaluation)

10. He who sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed
Some crimes are only punishable by death.

...in the pale light of the moon, I play a game of you.

6. I do Believe in love

They say we never landed on the moon
There's no wind there, they assume
I guess conspiracies are nothing new
But I'm sure i've been there with you

And I don't believe that in space
The only life is here on earth
How could we be the only race
That loves and hates 'til death from birth

But I do believe in love
Though I should never rely on love
Nothing else excites me
But loving you

Is it true a politician's heart
Can rust away and fall apart
I guess it must be hard
It must be hard
To know what's good
And to know what's easy

You might think it's strange
For all my wild ideas
But I do not believe that change
Can ever happen without tears

But I do believe in love
Though I should never rely on love
Nothing else excites me
But loving you
But loving you

7. The Sandman is the best graphic novel ever penned+drawn. Most people I know wouldn't touch it bse it looks like a kids comic but trust me it's anything but.

...looking on the bright side of life!

So I kicked year #26 out the backdoor today and made a deal with #27 to have a bit of meaning and then some. I have learnt a few things over the years and whether you like it or not, I'm going to share a few with you. So without further delay, presenting...."26 Things Raymond Believes"

1. Religion is outdated
I have always been of the view that we as human beings have an innate sense of morality and I guess we've arrived at this point by way of evolution with a few unsuccessful deviations by the wayside. Ultimately we've come to the point where do not need a 2000 year old interpretation of our lives.

You see, as human beings we have 2 strong urges or needs if I may call them that. One is the need to lay blame. So when things are going from bad to worse, when we fuck up or when life becomes a proverbial bitch, we get the irresistible urge to point the finger. The second need is the desire to give up, throw in the towel, call it quits, whatever cliche you like but there's no denying the fact that we love to give up. Granted there's a few of us who have evolved beyond this but most of us would rather lie down and let someone else do the heavy lifting. Anyway, the point of all that talk is that human beings invented religion to satisfy two basic needs

• The need to lay blame (Devil)
• The need to give up (God)

But enough with that crap I say, you and you alone are responsible for the shit you do.

2. The End Is Nigh!
Probably not, but I've always wanted to say that. Mankind will eventually do itself in, it's almost inevitable that out there somewhere is some mad and deluded mind that will one day push that button and we'll call it a day; barring that, there's bound to be a rock out there with our number on it. Yes, that's our future, extinction!

3. There Is Intelligent Life Out There! Probably back home.
To quote Douglas Adams, "Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space."

Every star you see in the night sky is actually a sun in a solar system and galaxy far far away. Now consider that there are as many stars as there are grains of sand on the beaches of the earth, by even the most conservative of estimates, the chances that intelligent life exists out there are pretty good. In fact having had even the most minor of brushes with the science of probability, you'll know that if a certain phenomenon is very likely to occur....

There is another reason I believe this though, one cannot fail to see that mankind was not meant for this planet. Let's face it, we can't deny our overwhelming ability to multiply irrespective of the availability of resources. We overpopulate the planet and then start squabbling over land, food and oil until some deadly disease comes along and regulates things. Hence I subscribe to the idea that we came from some far flung corner of the cosmos, hitched a ride on some comet (probably the one that did the dinosaurs in) and after things had quietened down, we crawled out of the seas to see where we had landed. Ergo, there's always home.

4. When in the course of human events...
I think the American Declaration of Independence is a masterpiece of political writing, in fact of writing period! It was a call to arms for the people of the colonies and a statement to the rest of the world that America was a sovereign nation with no political ties to the British crown.

5. We never stop silently loving those we once loved out loud...

....to be cont'd

Do we ever stop wanting?

I grew up in a small village, I had little desires, in fact one of the things I remember wanting most as a kid was to walk to school barefooted. Most other kids went to school barefooted but my mother rightly wouldn't let me. One day, when she had taken a trip to Kampala, I was left to my own devices and barefooted I strolled to school. It was a lovely feeling that day. I was like everyone else. Then I remember wanting to go and play "gogoli". A form of sledding minus all the safety gear and the snow. It involved a steep slope of about 150m or so, a banana plant stem and gravity. The safety net being a muddy pool of water. After an afternoon of "gogoli", I strolled home with my backside on display (shorts got worn out in one afternoon) to meet my mother's disapproving gaze and a few lashes on my now exposed behind. Still I had a great time. Then there was the game of "parapara", which basically was making a rotor using reeds, paper and some plant sap (engineering for beginners) and then running around so that the wind could rotate the mechanism….basically those were my desires then.

Fast forward 15 years and the only thing I want is more and more money. It's a far cry from those innocent days of my childhood. Sometimes I think that if I hadn't learnt a few things I would have been much happier with a hoe than with a pen. So when Dimples told that sometimes she wonders if we ever stop wanting, if we get to a point and say "yes, I think this is enough", I didn't have the heart to tell her it never ends. The never ending cascade of wanting more and more will never end until you draw your last breath, fruitlessly bargaining with death for a little "MORE" time.

ENIGMAS

Why am i here? Can I make a difference? How? How can I take your pain away? Does love conquer all? Is it enough? Am I wasting my life? What's the point anyway? Do you ever feel the other person's pain? Do you share in their joy? Is the grass really greener on the other side? Why does the journey back always seem shorter? Do I love you? Do you love me? Who am I? Why is that kid on the street? What is his story? Have we failed him? What is your story? Do you give alms? Why? Does it make you feel better? Does it absolve you? Are you guilty anyway? Of what? Did you love him enough? Did you love her enough? Is anybody there? Beyond the veiled sky? Do they care? About you? About me? Can they change it? Would they?

Hiro and the Future

I love comics, in fact I have a 5Gb collection of them, my favorites being Tintin, X men, Superman…etc. I also love movies based on comics, I enjoyed the Xmen, The Matrix, Siperman. One thing that I've failed to find however, is a good TV Series based on a comic book, or one with superheroes and stuff. Sure, there's Blade, Mutant X, and a few others I'm sure I know nothing about…but nothing outstanding. Enter Heroes , a tale of ordinary people waking up one day with extraordinary abilities, kind of like Mutants in the Marvel Universe. While it employs the usual tricks on leaving you hanging at the end of each episode, it is a beautifully written script, and one of those few things that get my "Masterpiece" tag, that's if they don't do another season. It ranks up there in my list of "works of art" which includes

Books

1. The Sandman - Neil Gaiman
2. The Kiterunner - Khaled Hosseini
3. The Lord of The Rings - JRR Tolkien
4. The Bartimaeus Trilogy - Jonathan Stroud
5. Salems Lot - Stephen King
6. The Shining - Stephen King
7. Snow Falling on Cedars -
8. The Wisdom of Crowds -
9. Blink -
10. Opening Skinner's Box

Movies

1. The Fellowship of the Ring
2. The Phantom Menace
3. The Matrix
4. Revenge of the Sith
5. The Two Towers
6. In America
7. Braveheart
8. Dogma
9. Hearts In Atlantis
10. The Last Samurai
11. Gladiator
12. A Beautiful Mind

Comics and Comic Strips

1. Calvin and Hobbes
2. The Far Side
3. TinTin
4. Wolverine: Enemy of The State
5. X Men: The Dark Phoenix
6. Kingdom Come

.....................to be continued

The Demons Within

We had an agreement, you stupid body, you with those flailing arms and meandering legs. We slit our palms and joined our hands, and promised we wouldn't let each other down, in these here dark times, when the sun hides her warmth and the moon shyly skips behind the clouds. Yet now you give up on me and let others inhabit your nooks and crannies; I will not let you, this here ours, is an apothecary race, so I will give you the concoctions you need and you will stand up tall and strong and together we will walk through that damn valley of the shadow of death, because beyond the pass lies a field of flowers bathed in rainbow sunshine.

The Roman, the Christian and the Atheist!

We stumble at noon as in the twilight,

Among the vigorous as though we were dead.

We all growl like bears;

Like doves we moan mournfully.

We wait for justice, but there is none;

For salvation, but it is far from us.

For our transgressions before you are many,

And our sins testify against us.

........................Isaiah 59

Some very powerful imagery in the bible.

SPQR

I was a watching a documentary on Ancient Rome the other day; Did u know that the Ancient Romans had a senate as early as 67BC. In the early years of Rome, it's people were ruled by the……, who oppressed them. On doing away with them the Romans decided that they would never be ruled by a king again so they formed a senate of handful of represenatives of the people who were elected to office every year. Hence the motto "Senatos Populos Que Romanos (SPQR)" basically Senate and People of Rome. They also had a provision in their constitution for when they were at war, to elect a supreme dictator who had absolute power and held office for only 6 months. The first person to hold this title was a general …….. Who was called from his farm to fight a war with the Gauls, after the war was over, this guy gave up his power in 14 days and returned to his farm!

Tribulations

Sometimes to get to the good life, one must walk "The Path of Daggers". I think I'm walking that path now bse life is getting too tight, which of course is all my own doing but I could seriously do without one or two of dem daggers.

Victories
Started writing my short story this morning, and words just started flowing, then I realised some of the ideas popping into my head were themes from movies and books I had read, so now I have to think of a novel way of telling an old story. The words though are coming back…hopefully with some humor too.

Nostalgia
I am of this world,

Earth, Wind, Water and Fire

Of the beyond,

I have no desire

I am guilty of the sins of man

All shades of colour under the sun

Red blue and sometimes cyan

My fate is not beyond the clouds

Nor am I destined for hell's hounds

A flower of these gentle grounds

I must sway to life's sounds

I must climb the mountains

Sail the calm and the stormy seas

Walk through the dark forests

And dance on the flower filled leas

And when my dance is done

I must take my place in the mud

Forever under the sun

For I am of this world.

…..Raymond

Pressure Makes Diamonds!

Things have been tough, infact the last three weeks have been so bad that I started thinking I must have been like Ghengis Khan in a past life and this is retribution for all my past life indiscretions. But some cowboy with a moustache and a guitar once said that pressure makes diamonds so in light of that, and that is my only inspiration by the way, I'm pulling myself out of this pit.

Been reading "The Satanic Verses" and it has to go among that small list of books I have struggled to read. First of all it's not some diabolically inspired version of the bible. Nope it's a simple tale of human nature, divine intervention and other things. Don't read it unless you're sixty and have nothing else to do.

Guitar Lessons; the only thing saving my sanity. Learnt 6 chords so far...can play 2 songs fairly well...with a pause here and there. Want to play "You were meant for me" by Jewel and Baby Can I hold You by Tracy Chapman.

Still Reading "The End of Poverty" by Jeffrey Sachs...will fill u in.

Broken all my new year resolutions already but only twice...so I can end the year and have broken them only aout 4 times...that's not bad at all.

coming soon...my short story

make sure you watch...300.

Moving Forward

I don't know why I haven't posted in a long time....every time I open the browser to do so, I get stuck. There's stuff I want to say but I don't know how. Anyway my failings aside...last sunday was my birthday, enjoyed it immensely. My 25th birthday freaked me out bse I was getting older and had a long list of "things to do before you die"...Well I'm 26 now, the list is obviously a bit longer but for some reason this time I'm very optimistic.

Just finished reading Lords of Poverty by Graham Hancock and I have to say it's a sobering read. It's about the AID industry and how corrupt and sometimes, if not most, inhuman it is. It has made me look at AID agencies in a different light and I can't say it's a good one. I'm now reading Jeffrey Sach's "The End Of Poverty" I think it will restore some of my faith.

I may know the word, but not say it

Normally I make resolutions on my birthday or thereabouts, but this year, I decided to make some as the new year was walking in the front door and the old one quietly stealing out the back. Resolutions though are tricky things, they must be made with care and consideration because when you flounder (and you will), you risk feeling guilty, disappointed, feckless....among other things. Anyway with that in mind I chose to give up a few things and do others this year but picking ones that I'd enjoy if I faltered and those that I wouldn't miss i didn't get round to doing them.

1. No drinking alcohol this year

2. No eating meat ( happened to go for a barbecue last saturday) for the rest of the year.

3. Go mountain climbing

4. Run the MTN marathon

...and many more

Belated christmas post

Was supposed to post this last year, but seeing as I can do anything on my blog here I go

'It's christmas once again, it's amazing when you grow older how some of the things that meant so much just become... well ordinary. I used to love christmas, especially the christmas songs. I would grab a radio on the night before christmas and climb onto the top of the garage and then I would listen to Boney M until it was past midnight. The garage was flat topped so I would lay down a mat, stare at the sky and sing along to Silent Night. It was magical. Sometimes I would go for midnight mass. It's funny how we are always in a hurry to grow up and after having done so we nostalgically remember the days so fast gone by. I still love the christmas songs, my favorites being "winter wonderland, silent night and Let it snow."

So a very merry christmas to all and a happy new year. May all your wishes for the year come true.'

Peace And Love To All

A happy new year to everyone out there, and those of you in here, wherever that may be. It's been a while but just so u know I've been OK. So here's to wishing you all the best for this new year. Godspeed