Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Taking Leave

So, I have arrived at this point. The many winding roads have led me here, the point at which I know with absolute certainty that I must leave you all. Ever since that February day, I have had but one desire and that is “to lay down my life and call it a day”. The sadness I feel each day is worse, everything here reminds of her and I know that the pain I feel will be with me until I draw my last breath. Only my simple belief in the kindness of strangers stays my hand, that and the desire to see the world, to save a life, to expend my life doing something good. It is now clear to me that I will never put down roots anywhere, the whole world is my home and yet I am a stranger here.
It is hard for me to say goodbye, I don’t know how to do it. I hope a few words will suffice.
I have always believed that lady luck looked at me when I was born and decided that it was not for me to win lotteries and grand prizes, I believe she simply whispered in my ear “You will have the fortune of meeting the most beautiful and lovely people”. It has been amazing knowing all of you.

Roger, you are an amazing person, one of the kindest people I’ve ever known. I can never pay back all that you’ve given me because you gave me my life when I thought I had lost it. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I know sometimes life is hard but if there’s anyone with the guts and belief to make it, it is you. I will always be proud to call you my brother.

Stella, I hope that one day you truly laugh and that those dark feelings leave you. I also hope that one day you find yourself, and that you embrace the simple miracle of being because life is simply just grand, you just have to breathe the free air to know it.

Mark, I pray you find the things that make you truly happy. It may seem that you were much happier in the yesteryears but “life has loveliness to sell” in amazing abundance. I know that the road ahead may sometimes seem difficult and the light may sometimes seem like it’s gone out. All I can tell you is to put one foot in front of the other and keep walking.

Googz, I hope one day you find the courage to let go of yourself and remember what it feels like to trust. Take a chance! No one has to do it alone.

Abbas don’t let anyone tell you what you can and cannot do; only you can tell yourself that. If it means that you must take a chance and go with blind faith then do it, you’ll be the better for it. I know you and Sheila will do some amazing things together, so don’t waste any time because life is short.

Jorge, I feel your pain, I hope one day it all works out. You’re one of the best people I know, I have faith that you will be okay. There is one out there, one that will love the pilgrim soul in you.

Kats, I wish you the happiest days of your life. You’ve got a good thing going, that girl and you. I thank you for offering wise counsel and pray that you continue to do so.

Nagi, have faith in your friends, do not be afraid to ask for a helping hand. That is what friends are for. Don’t lose the joker in you; life is too short to be too serious.

Dush, I wish you one more guardian angel to watch over you. I will never forget that we had that “profoundest moment” and I hope you never lose that foothold in Zion.

Dipo, I wish I had the time to figure you out. Sometimes you seem too angry and other times there is a happiness few really know. I know there is nothing more important in your life than your friends so I hope you’re always surrounded by the truest of friends. I also hope that you find that thing that makes you truly at peace.

Bams, I wish you the best of luck in all your endeavors. Do not get lost in that world of numbers and derivatives and whatnot, take a moment every now and then and smell the flowers.

Kezie, I pray you find something that inspires you to change your life for the better. I feel that somewhere along the way, life’s most important lesson has been lost on you. I hope you get another chance to learn it before it’s too late. Remember, “You’ve got to give a little, to live a little”.

Miles, Gitta, Bits, Enan, Kagzi, Allano, Budi, Izak, Victor, all you nook and jeras niggaz, thank you for your friendship.

Fiona, I hope that the night sky and fireworks will always be amazing for you and that your life will always be filled with the loveliest music. It has been a pleasure knowing you. I will miss those conversations. I hope one day our paths cross and we can sit and share our experiences.

Pat, never forget that there is something nice and lovely about you.

Dimples, I pray that one day you find Isaac and all your dreams come true. Thank you for accepting me as I am, it is a rare thing indeed to be loved unconditionally. May you always have that sparkle in your eyes and that warm loving smile. Never let anyone tell you it’s wrong to give a damn because in the end only kindness matters. You are perfect, just keep being you.

Diana, I wish you many more lovely moments and years. I am sorry that I have fallen out of touch but I will never forget our friendship. I am sorry that I missed your wedding day; it hurts me that I did.

Trish, thank you for those wild and sweet moments of ecstasy and for giving me the definition of “making love”. There is one for you out there, I only ask that you find your voice and know yourself.

Penny; something tells me that if I had but talked with you a little more, I would have discovered another part of me. If anyone is equipped with the right stuff to find true happiness, it is you. Don’t ever forget that.

Scharlyne, I guess all I can say is that we all tread the roads we tread. I know yours leads to success and I hope you have happiness as your companion.

Esther, It was lovely while it lasted. I will not forget you and I wish you the best.

Jaq, you will always be a highlight in my life. Our shared love of words and beautiful things will endure and I know that we’ll be the best of friends to our dying days. I pray you find that friend who will cook you a soup to warm your soul.

Sam, you’re a sweet soul, gentle and kind. I pray you never lose that. Good luck with everything

Maria, the words are what matters, the things spoken, the sharing of knowledge, of values and of dreams; these are the things that matter between two people. Do the talk thing and you’ll understand each other. I hope one day you discover what you really desire to do.

Gloria, I wish you pure and simple happiness. I hope that you’ll get to run around with your grandchildren and give them fairytale names. Give Lorena a kiss for me and tell her I will write her a bedtime story one day.

Salomé, you’re in love with one who bears my name. I do not doubt that you will be okay. Enjoy every minute of it.

Tabitha, joy, love, peace, happiness, comfort, adventure and more; these are things that I wish for you.

Sarah, my friend and friend of my friend, I know we share the same pain and a hope that these things will make us better people; for both our sakes I believe this to be true. I will miss you dearly and that lovely way you smile. Have an amazing life.

Dincy, aaah, the wonder of you; our lives indeed are too strange for us. I feel the things that you feel and yet I must leave you. I go to heal myself and I hope you find a way to heal yourself too, I promise that I will keep checking on you and if I should return and find that you are not happy here I will take you with me. For my part I pray you have a beautiful life. These things that grow from empathy are comforting and hopeful. Thank you for being there.

Bré, I tried to say my goodbye yesterday and I know it will take me a long time to let go if ever. I will keep the fire burning however long the years may be. Even though it seems that I go to forget, I know that I never will. I take you with me; in the depths of my heart for you will always be what drives me. I will simply live my life in memory of you.

…and for all of you
I have a simple idea, that each and every one of us is unique. The moments that have brought you to be are in themselves so unique that there will never be another like you. I think that sometimes you forget something as simple as the fact that you are special.

The years lie before you; they are empty pages of a book, a book that tells the story of your life. You are the author and it is up to you to choose the words to put down. May you all write all manner of beautiful things and may you never forget that you hold the instruments of the storyteller, be they pen, pencil, keyboard or paintbrush. You are the author, your life will always be your own.

Be the best of friends, support each other, and do not be afraid to correct one another. Do not be quick to anger; try to understand each other instead. Work together so that you may all prosper, and remember that life is not a zero sum equation.

3 comments:

Tandra said...

gawsh, this is such a sad post and i am praying to God i am reading it out of context.

One question... you okay? (clearly that's rhetorical question.. but... sometimes someone just needs to ask how you are doing)

Jacque said...

I promised myself that I wouldn't cry...but as I read this post my heart is filled with that bitter sweet feeling that i can't help but shed those tears that I tried hard to hold back when I said my "see you later" I truly am happy for you...the world is at your feet my dear friend..as you prepare to begin your journey we'll be routing for you...listen, learn and share with those of us you've left behind....you have taken a piece of me with you...

normzo said...

this one is a very deep and some what scary post that i am reading.

Hope u do find 'it' and be back...