There is still Love, child of Mars

"I still have the bruises and all the cuts. It's what I show for all the years."

"Why did you call me?"

"I wanted to see you."

"Why? To whine about how life's been unfair to you?"

"Um, no. No. I just wanted, no, needed to see you."

"Why?"

"I miss you"

"You told me to leave, said I was no good for you, that I made you weak"

"I know. I want you back, and I'm sorry. I was in pain"

"Everyone feels pain, even me"

"I know, but this was different"

"You're not the first nor will you be the last, but it's always different"

"I don't care, it was me this time"

"You're strange"

"I get that a lot"

"You're not ready"

"What do you mean? I'm ready now! Please. Come back to me."

"The ides of March are come and gone
July bleeds into crimson rivers
Orpheus' song lingers even in stone
A tale once told to the weavers

Yours is an empty house
Big and empty. Empty heart
Go west or east, north or south
empty house, empty man

Listen, the child sings
Ave, ave, ave Maria
But she is gone, on angels' wings
In her father's house, singing "Doe a deer"

I held the book, at the turn of time
In my blood I wrote your name
Hear! The midnight bells chime
Away I must, for it's all a game

Laugh, sing, dance and cry
No longer Son and never Father, but name you must have
"Rae", the grass will grow and the birds will fly
The heart will call, and I will come"

She got up, graceful as a reed in a gentle breeze. Kissed me on the cheek and whispered,

"When you're ready, I will come to you"

I turned to look at her, one last time, but she was gone. I walked to the bar and paid my bill.

"You are a Mars child" Destiny asked or said, I couldn't quite tell the difference, there was always that about him.

"Mars, Athena, Aphrodite, Yahweh, the lot of them, I belong to all or most of them anyway"

"Hmmm, she sure likes the dreamers" He said to himself, mostly. He pulled out two small glasses from a wooden cabinet, the kind you filled with colourful liquids and then poured down your throat in one quick motion. One glass, one swing. He bent down and rummaged through the cabinet for what seemed like ages.

"Aaah, here we are. I've not had some of this in a million years." He said, straightening once again. He had that look; I could tell he really meant it, a million years. He produced a dusty, ancient looking bottle, much like a Babylonian clay jar but different, uncorked it, poured a honey coloured liquid into the glasses, and handed one to me. A strange aroma hit me, something like tears, the good kind, the kind that flow when you laugh so hard. Years too, it smelled of them, one piled upon the other until there were hundreds and thousands of millions of them.

"Everyone walks through the garden, even my sister. The end is the same but the path is yours to choose, sometimes."

I put the glass to my mouth, tilted my head back and poured.

The Girl in Red

She smiles at me and asks for my name. Her eyes are alight with the promise of magic; taunting, teasing and tempting. Perhaps it's something ancient; something deep, down in the flesh, hidden, something draws me to her. 

We dance; sometimes to the music, sometimes to the words, we dance to life. The minutes tumble and fall; the seconds fading fast as the year dwindles away. One number gone, another to take its place. We dance; in the moonlight and the flames, ever so close until I can feel her breath and taste her skin. Pushing gently against each other we whisper words, things long forgotten. "She is old; she was here long before you and I and will be long after we are gone. Enjoy her bounty; take what you will but always pay." 

She tilts her head, looks at me, longingly. I kiss her, softly, slowly and then I feel it. The magic is old, old as the earth herself. There are memories here, those old and those not yet made. I fall, lost, nostalgic. I remember a million kisses and tears, a million lives. 
She is gone now, on a grey steed, taken by the winds that blow. The sun will rise soon, washing away the night and everything in it. It will all fade, like mist in the wind I will be gone, a part of me, taken, forever.


Desdemona, "You are a child of the universe. You will be Love."

Homo Interneticus: Why the internet will change humanity as we know it

Last Thursday, the BBC hosted a unique experiment called "Superpower Nation". The climax of a season of programming on "the internet", it was a 6hour event where people from all over the world connected on the internet and were encouraged to carry out discussions on any topic they desired. Of course it was a little bit more complicated than that but that was the gist of it. One of the aims of the experiment was to test the efficacy of a language translation engine; anyone could use whatever language they wanted and the engine would attempt to translate their sentiments.

The statistics speak for themselves but, like all statistics they don't quite reveal the human stories behind them. I took part in this experiment along with @CplLo and I was impressed by the simplicity of it; there I was, connected to all these people and we could discuss anything. The technology is not quite there yet but you get a sense of the general direction. In the not so distant future, any group of people will be able to hold a seamless, uninterrupted discussion/forum/class/rally in real-time complete with audio and video AND language will not be a barrier.

The experiment was carried out on several platforms including twitter, facebook, blogs and a video conferencing platform developed by Nefsis. I just had to try out the translation engine and since I could see it was doing a good job with the international languages, I fed it a few sentences of Rukiga. Naturally, it couldn't even spit back one word in English and so I let it be. Unbeknownst to me, a few seconds after my entry, @darlkomu read it and posted a translation for it and just like that, the engine had (of course with human intervention) translated a few sentences in an obscure African language that the wider world would never have understood. I think I should have said something poignant but all I said was "Ninkunda internet munonga ahabwokuba eine amagezi gabantu b'omunsi yoona" which loosely translated means "I love the internet because it has all the knowledge of all the people on earth". While this is not actually true, I think it's only a matter of time before the internet becomes what it truly should be, a marvel of the modern age, the sum of humanity's shared knowledge and creativity. It is at once the great library, bookstore, bank, supermarket, record store, cinema, boardroom, church, secret meeting place, etc. The road to this point is not quite clear; there are so many issues not least of which is the traditional view of copyrights, business and state secrets, privacy and libel legislation, etc.

As the internet becomes a permanent fixture in our everyday lives, those in authority will try to control its influence as perhaps is their obligation because any tool can be used to perpetrate injustices. In so called democracies where such fundamental human rights as the freedom of expression and by extension of the press are routinely abused under the pretext of national security, the battle lines are slowly being drawn. It will take an enormous amount of ingenuity, much like the stuff that created the internet, to open it up to the billions in the developing world that truly need it.

It is levelling the playing field in many an industry; where it was once a minor nuisance, it is now a threat to established business structures and models that not many people seem to have an answer to it. The recording industry was the first to fall prey to this technology, with the release of Napster (an audio file sharing tool) back in the 90s. The idea behind such software is simple, that if I have a music collection and you have a music collection, we can share our collections and together have access to more music. Innocent isn't it? Kind of like when you move in with a new roommate or better other. Yet that little software brought the entire recording industry to its knees and by the time Napster was shut down, the idea was already out there. Today, such tools abound on the internet and those of us who use them are labelled criminals and "pirates" but the truth of the matter is that not all of us can afford to own the entire discography of U2, Tracy Chapman and all our favourite musicians but we would like to be able to listen to it. Most of us are willing to contribute to the welfare of the people who provide such goods but at the current market prices, we can't quite afford to. The recording industry soon realized that it was impossible to win this war and that instead of fighting the technology, they had to use it to their benefit and so the internet became a new distribution channel and now a music album that would have cost me $30 will cost me about $12 or less, approximately $1 per track.

Interestingly, artists soon realized that this technology could be used as a promotional platform, instead of having to audition to god knows how many hundreds of record label executives; they made their music and put it out there for the world to hear. I imagine the idea was to get noticed and then use this as launch pad for a career in the recording industry. This was simply the market evolving from a closed business model to something more open and much fairer. In 2007, Radiohead's recording contract with EMI expired before the release of their 'In Rainbows' album, the band decided to release their album on the internet and invited fans to "pay what you wish" -- even nothing -- and a "digital tip jar" was set up to collect voluntary payments. "The Radiohead Experiment" as it would later come to be known elicited strong reactions from all sides. Today, what was once radical is now considered quaint with many emerging artists experimenting with different models.

However, the true power of the internet lies in the fact that it connects people. Ever since some guy decided to beat some drums to send a message to the next hill, and another one thought a few smoke rings would do the trick, humanity has always been looking for better ways to communicate and express itself. Enter the most open and ubiquitous technology yet. Today, you can have a real-time conversation with someone thousands of miles away at a reasonable cost. Halfway through the superpower event, a 70 year old Eritrean lady, who was at the event HQ in London, had a question for the participants in Uganda. "Why does your country impose sanctions on mine? Why do you make the people of Eretria suffer?" Carlo and I had no idea what she was talking about and while she (the old lady) poured her emotions, we did a quick Google search and discovered that Uganda, as part of the African Union had recommended to the UN that an arms embargo and other sanctions be brought against Eritrea because apparently the country (more precisely some guys in the country) supports the Islamic fundamentalists in Somalia. I wanted to tell that lady that just as she rightly thought that I should have an explanation for what my government did in my name, she too bore the same responsibility for hers.

For me, it's that simple, a global conversation, real people and real issues. It may seem fleeting, impermanent but in this day and age, much like at any other time in history I imagine, there are few things in which we can have steadfast belief. One of these is that humanity as a whole shall always attempt to move forward, to build better and more permanent bonds amongst its members.

SuperPower Nation

So, the BBC is carrying out an experiment as part of their special season of programmes
on how the internet is changing the world.

According to their website,

http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/programmes/2010/03/100223_superpowernation.shtml

The internet brings millions of people together digitally every day, but one thing it
cannot do well - at least, not yet - is allow people who speak different languages to
understand each other easily.
BBC World Service wants to explore whether technology will be able to change this -
in a unique experiment using our language services and translation software - broadcast
live online from 1300GMT on 18 March 2010.
SuperPower Nation on the Web
As a part of SuperPower Nation Day, we are running an experiment using automatic
machine translation technology to see how the internet can break down language
barriers.
It’s your turn to talk. And we have no agenda - any topics or issues will be debated
and discussed.
What is unique about this is that you can talk to speakers of completely different
languages in your own voice. Speakers of click Arabic, click Chinese, click English,
click Persian, click Indonesian, click Portuguese and click Spanish will be able to talk
to each other using Google’s machine translation.
Your call

SuperPower Nation will be broadcast from 1300GMT on the click live event page and
BBC World television.

My OB from Kigezi College

So, Jason Mraz keeps a blog. I've just perused it and it looks interesting. He sounds a bit of an oddball, talking all spiritual and karma stuff which I like most of the time but I am not in a mood for that now. Here's the link if you're interested.  http://freshnessfactorfivethousand.blogspot.com/

 I met a guy in Kamwokya today, he looked about 26 or thereabouts. I was walking towards the market to find a place with good cheap food. I noticed him when he was about 30 meters from me, walking in the opposite direction. He had on a black and white checkered shirt, cream cargo pants that stopped just below the knees and sandals for footwear. We made eye contact, he stopped, I yanked the earphones from my ears and said "hi".

"Hello" he said
"Can I help you" I asked, turning slightly away to avoid the smell of alcohol.
"You look familiar, did we go to school together?"
"Um, which school would that be?"
"Weren't you in Kigezi College?"
"No, you must have me mistaken for somebody else"
"You look like someone I know called Ronald. Say, can you help me with 500/= for a taxi?"

I looked at him, he seemed in good shape apart from the alcohol breath. I wondered how he could expect me to give him some of my "whoring dividends" when he looked perfectly able to provide for himself.

"I'm sorry I can't" I said
"Well, I guess I'll just walk then"
"Yes, you should walk, it won't kill you that's for sure, give you some time to think as well."

I walked off wondering whether I should feel guilty that i hadn't helped him, it was in my power to do but I looked at him and judged him as unworthy of my kindness.

When does it become a burden? A kind heart, when is it that you give more than you should or is there such a point? When do you decide that you should be good to yourself, that you deserve to hold back a little?




 I'm struggling with balance, I know I can't give everything away, that I must keep something for myself, even the emotional stuff. I hope soon I will strike a balance that allows me to feel a little less and do a little more.

The question of money or whoring 101

Everyone's a whore. Yes, even you and before you run off proclaiming your morals to the world, hear me out.

Money makes the world go round, the more of it you have, the faster it goes. Take a trip to any classroom in this country and ask the kids what they want to be when they grow up, I assure you more than half will tell you they want to be "very" rich, as in they want to make so much money. I have been thinking about money a lot and what it means to human beings. Apparently the idea came about because barter trade was not quite sufficient for the exchange of goods and services. Some idiot decided one day that he wasn't going to till the land or rear animals; that instead he was going to collect a bunch of shells and use them to get what he wanted. It must have been hard convincing someone that a bunch of shells was worth anything back then. Anyway, this guy was eventually successful, I don't know how long it took but knowing ideas and how they spread, it might have happened centuries after he was long gone. Thanks to him, we have this grand idea of money that makes each and everyone on this sordid piece of rock a whore.

Nothing in life is free, nothing. Everything must be paid for in one way or the other, even respect, love and friendship have their currencies. John Donne once famously said "No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent" and there is no one out there who can disagree. Every human being must justify their existence, most importantly to themselves and then to others. The bit about self is mostly easy depending on your mental state and capacity; the bit about others is a lot more difficult. Human interaction defines our existence and every human being must put forth a good case for others to interact with him or her. He or she must possess something that is considered valuable by others, something that makes their lives better or at the very least, different.

Every human being attempts to package themselves appropriately for the world. Those who can afford to, go to school and acquire skills that are meant to make them more valuable to the world without themselves. You are taught that if you do not acquire skills that are valuable to the world at large, you will spend your days destitute and live a meaningless life.

The world today is driven by the middle classes; an idea that is defined by their levels of education and income relative to that of others. The classic middle class worker is educated or trained to do certain things, to fit into the economic system that prevails as a factor of production and nothing more. You are told that somehow you are adding to the general well being of humanity, that the work which you do makes a difference for the better but the stark truth is that you're probably lining some guy's pockets with money while you barely have enough to survive let alone indulge in the things that make you feel alive. So everyone pretty much goes about their lives, hoping that somehow they have justified their existence, that one way or another they provide something to someone that makes all the hassle worth it.

The child knows that it must earn the respect of its family; you feel that you must earn the love and respect of your peers and the "elders" wish for nothing less than the respect of the younger generation, an acknowledgement that they have so far built a future that is worthy of it. So everyone goes around, whoring themselves to each other, saying "look at me, I have packaged myself thus, I have built this and if you wish to interact with this, then you must have something to give in return." We learn what we can and have the chance to; we try to use this knowledge to our advantage believing that we are somehow building something, adding to a greater whole or at least making people's lives easier. Beggars (merchants of karma), politicians (glorified conversationalists), soldiers, policemen, doctors, teachers, accountants, farmers, businessmen (middlemen), children, lovers, friends and family; each and every one of these considers themselves essential to someone or something else. From the clothes you wear, the things you say and do down to the very thoughts you formulate, it's all a process of selling yourself for a little bit of meaning in this madness we call life.

So good luck to you, may your wares have many a buyer and may you never be cheated out of what is rightfully yours, your life as you wish to live it.

Never Saw You Coming

I am the lonely
The ones who slip away
I am the secret
The words we dare say
I am the promise I'm about to break...again

I am the leader
Who cannot find the way
I am the preacher
Who somehow lost the faith
I am the beggar reaching out my hands...again

And I never saw you coming
I could never dream of running
I have never known such love before
My God, you come, come and breathe your breath in me
Steal away what's left of me
Til you are mine and I am yours

I am the lover with no one to hold
I am the seeker with an empty soul
I'm everyone who's ever lost hope

And I never saw you coming
I could never dream of running
I have never known such love before
My God, you come, come and breathe your breath in me
Steal away what's left of me
Til you are mine and I am yours

Fall like stars on my shore
Still you are so much more

And I never saw you coming
I could never dream of running
I have never known such love before
My God, you come, come and breathe your breath in me
Steal away what's left of me
Til you are mine and I am yours
.................................................Bebo Norman

Video On YouTube

Neil Gaiman Says

".....it occurs to me that the peculiarity of most things we think of as fragile is how tough they truly are. There were tricks we did with eggs, as children, to show how they were, in reality, tiny load-bearing marble halls; while the beat of the wings of a butterfly in the right place, we are told, can create a hurricane across an ocean. Hearts may break, but hearts are the toughest of muscles, able to pump for a lifetime, seventy times a minute, and scarcely falter along the way. Even dreams, the most delicate and intangible of things, can prove remarkably difficult to kill.
Stories, like people and butterflies and songbirds’ eggs and human hearts and dreams, are also fragile things, made up of nothing stronger or more lasting than twenty-six letters and a handful of punctuation marks. Or they are words on the air, composed of sounds and ideas—abstract, invisible, gone once they’ve been spoken—and what could be more frail than that? But some stories, small, simple ones about setting out on adventures or people doing wonders, tales of miracles and monsters, have outlasted all the people who told them, and some of them have outlasted the lands in which they were created."

Breaking down and cleaning up....

"Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?"

There is something wrong with me. While I hold an almost fanatical degree of optimism for everyone and everything else, when it comes to me, I don't have much hope. I have developed a mentality that somehow sets me apart from everything I do. I believe that nothing physical can or should be able to negatively influence what I consider to be my "self". I have tried to rise above the material, to transcend my base human nature but I'm not sure I'm getting anywhere. I will keep trying though.

One of the things about wanting to die is that you don't care about your body that much, actually, you pretty much don't care about anything. I wanted to quit smoking and reduce my alcohol intake early last year and then I didn't care about it anymore so I have been mistreating my body. Every time I saw someone living on the streets, I marveled at how their bodies were still able to survive that much exposure to the elements, while someone in "perfect health" could waste away in a matter of days. Perhaps for a while now, I have been trying to do myself in, but I think I am done with that feeling. I want to live on, at least for a little while longer.

I have somehow turned into more of a recluse than otherwise. I am tired of pity, misunderstanding and being taken for granted. I have never been one to withhold myself from anyone if I can help it but what happens when those you trust will come to your aid in times of need fail to do so? What do you do with that bitterness or the realisation that the fault is much more yours than theirs?

Some guy out there came up with the idea that there are 5 stages of grief, I would beg to disagree, I don't think there's a formula for this crap. I can say that I've been to number 5 and then some other strange numbers but I am still not at peace. I am still puzzled as to why with so many people in the world, someone can still feel completely alone.

My body is broken and I must fix it. It is a simple, ordinary and mundane thing but for me it is something more. It is the beginning of an attempt to rediscover the desire to be among the living. I want to be one of you, for better, only for better, I hope it is worth it.

Live Writing

I need a modem, or a phone that lets me blog from it. I want to be able to blog on the fly, something I like to call "live writing". I want to be able to write and post without reviewing anything. I got a book on writing sometime last year and it says that "writing is rewriting". It's true but I am fed up. I just want to get stuff out of my head or I'll go nuts, if I'm not there yet.

I find myself too dramatic these days, I can't even take a dump without the fate of the universe being in the balance, which reminds me, never interrupt a man when he's in the loos, it's one of the most peaceful moments in his life, at least for me. Anyway, I think I have too much drama which means I've been a bit selfish and thought of myself only but I don't want to change, not entirely.

I'm on starve meanwhile. I don't know what's wrong with me but I can't seem to find someone who gets my blood running, at least someone appropriate i.e. emotionally independent, funny, available, up for anything, no strings attached etc. It's a bit silly really because I like to be emotionally connected to someone before I do anything, the trick is that I do it easily while the other person normally gets to that point when I'm walking out the door and then I become the jerk, but I am used to it. I will go a hunting soon.

I hope you're all ok, especially you, yes, YOU.

See u later.

Being Me

There is nothing now; what was I cannot tell, what will be is written in the shifting sands of time, in smiles and tears. I was him once, him that was named Haani by the desert. I am less now, a little less and a little more. I am the piety of the child, the wisdom of the sage, the character of the peasant. I am the infinite mystery that stretches beyond the sky, shifting in patterns unknown. I am everything yet I am nothing. I am the wind; gentle and comforting yet full of eternal rage. I am the fire, destroyer of all, purifier of none. I am emptiness, vast and unending. I was you, once, in the days of old. In the land of whispering streams, we were one. I am broken; lying in pieces without number, stretched beyond the vast emptiness. I will be you again, in the infinite moment, between one breath and the next. I will find the way, to "Worlds' End" I will stray beyond once. I will be me, again.

Ghost in the Machine

@#@$@*&$@*$&*@$@*$@*($*@*#%*#)()%*@#_*%#)@)*_#)%*)@#%@#**#@*%*@#___%*#_@*(@#*)@#&*)@#*@#&%()@#&)@#()(@#)&%#@&(%&()&)#(@%&()%

That's the message I get from MTN every now and then after I've made a call or sent an SMS. Here's the funny thing, no one at MTN knows what it is or what causes it, and that's the thing about technology, it always does things you don't expect it to. MTN will obviously tell me that it's nothing but a glitch in the system and that it shouldn't affect my ability to use their services but I have to ask, what the hell is it? I once received a flurry of cash back messages from them and no cash! Ever since, I haven't received any cash back. Okay, they don't owe me that much or maybe I just haven't loaded enough airtime but I feel a bit hard done by. After several years as market leaders, I think they've lost their edge, they don't seem to care about what the customer needs. I imagine they've been going through some tough shit with the recession and all but what makes them think I haven't been going through the same?

MTN's gotten expensive or I have gotten poorer or both, either way I don't think I can afford to use their services exclusively so I am moving to other networks. WARID seems good; their ghost gives me credit when someone calls me from another network not to mention those free calls. I hope they can maintain that, I will support them in this endeavour. UTL has one of the most annoying customer care operations. These guys think you're daft, that saying sorry all the time will fix their problems and they forget that some of us know a little bit about this stuff. I haven't tried ORANGE yet but their data service seems to be the best available on the market; however, they run the risk of lacking enough capacity to support the service in case the market decides to adopt it full scale (much like the UTL and MTN GPRS bundles). I could do with an unlimited internet package because I like downloading a lot of stuff, the idea of being limited to a few GB is ridiculous.

2009

Where to begin. The year started off with the usual occurrences; New Year hangovers, resolutions, more hangovers, broken resolutions, big plans, little plans and a jug full of optimism. This was 1^st and 2^nd January.

3^rd January was one of my best friends' wedding and he was getting married to my sister. It was a day for celebrating life and the union of two souls. I bought the only suit I have ever owned and looked the sharpest I possibly could. It was a good day. All my friends were in attendance, we got drunk and got up to all sorts of things. It was one of those nights that will always be memorable.

Two weeks later, the once happily married couple was separated. My dear sister had after all rushed into this without knowing exactly what she wanted and now the enormity of it all had sunk in. She was scared and wanted out, she told my dear friend as much and their lives fell apart. The storm clouds were just gathering.

Two and half weeks later, Brenda lay in the hospital dying. I watched helplessly as things went from bad to worse. Sarah called me one rainy morning in February to tell me Brenda had passed on. My world crumbled. I retreated into my head and have been there since.

I had come to hinge my life on her, whether she knew it or not, that I couldn't make sense of it anymore. I wanted to die and perhaps if I was less of a coward I would have slit my damn wrists. As it was I opted to run to far off lands, to spend the rest of my years seeing the world and giving back all that I could. This was April; I had spent the months before my departure dazed, saying my farewells, attempting to leave with as clean a slate as possible. I tried to tell my friends that there was nothing more important than the bonds between us; I hope I got through to them.

Two weeks later, on the other side of the world, I lay dying, afflicted by an exotic malady aptly named "break bone fever". Much to my dismay, I survived it with the handsome reward of destitution. I made my way back here with one goal in mind, to find my way back across the seas in a few months and to start a foundation while I was here.

On returning, I tried to figure out what kind of life I could hope to lead here. I set my mind to understanding life as humanity has known it and what I learned was depressing. Human beings suck! Yes, you suck! Life is so hard on its own but somehow we're not content with that, no sir, we must always find a way of making it harder for each other. We have persecuted each other since the dawn of time for being different. There are those among us who would have everything and not care if the rest had nothing. There are those who would kill others for the sake of material things. Others still will kill for their religion, apparently on the instruction of an unseen deity for the promise of a piece of heaven. I am taught to believe that all men are inherently evil and wish me harm, that no one does a good deed because it is simply right but because material benefits will accrue to them as a result. The world is such that without money, my life is worthless and my voice does not matter.

Anyway, as things were attempting to get back to normal, with new goals set and a new desire to enjoy life and do something meaningful creeping up on me, Eirene ups and leaves us, after only a month and twenty days here. A true visitor if ever there was any. I asked myself what possible meaning to take from that; the comfort that she did not get to see how ugly this world can be? The idea that she is an angel (whatever that may be) somewhere up there? I wondered what I could possibly tell the heartbroken parents to make anything better and I had no answers. I still don't. If I have learnt anything this year it is that "Life is suffering".

I have had no desire to work at all this year. I can't see what good it does, mankind is still headed in the wrong direction and I don't think anyone is ready to give me the reins. Many a time, I have not cared whether I went hungry or not, there doesn't seem to be much to live for. The conventional things to aspire to don't hold appeal for me anymore, I have no desire to etch my name on any piece of rock and call it mine for I know the truth is that it will never be mine. I am a visitor here; this strange blue green orb is not my home. I belong somewhere out there in the vastness of the universe, I simply keep this place for those that come after and my only duty is to make sure I pass on a world that will be better for posterity than it has been for me.

The months have blended into each other, helped by a steady dose of alcohol, tobacco and other herbs but I still feel hopeless and helpless. I have finally hit my low point, I knew it was always coming but depression has never been this bad. I need to get away from here. The world makes me sad, this place, doubly so.

But, here's the irony. This has undoubtedly been the worst year of my life yet, but it has also been the best. I like to get to the heart of things; if I have a problem, I like to deconstruct it down to the base elements and find a solution from the ground up. I fell in love with a girl and life denied me any chance of experiencing what could have been and I would have taken my life had it not been for the fear that wherever she is, she would hate me for that. Maybe I will overcome that fear, I don't know. All I know is that from that first moment I heard the news, I wanted to let go of this life and I decided that I would simply expend it doing some good. I decided that even if I never achieve all these lofty heights that we all aspire to, I will simply do the best I can. I have come to have an understanding of life and what it truly is all about that makes me yearn for nothing less than peace. I want to live in peace with my fellow man, I want to sit by the fire, drink and get caught up in the wonder of being alive.

I like to think that I am blessed with a modicum of intelligence; I have always been one to incessantly ask why until the would-be teacher admits the limit of their knowledge. I am humble enough to know that what I believe is not necessarily what the rest should believe and that I cannot hope to know everything, but as human beings, we gravitate towards the company of those who share most of our views. I have been fortunate to meet a whole bunch of you. I will take from this year among the many lessons I have learned, the knowledge that there's a good bunch of people out there. Having never really felt a fundamental part of any family, I believe that my friends are as much my family as anyone else, perhaps it is a display of naiveté but I frankly couldn't care less. So I would like to say, it's been one hell of a year but thanks to all you guys for pulling through and for dragging me along with you. To all those who got hitched, mazel tov, those who got unhitched, well congs to you too, those planning to get hitched, all the best.

The Nook Club, The PIFF, Coffee Korner Phnom Penh, my classmates in Cambodia, the lovely Lisa Fields, Rama (who got me started thinking about the piff), The MerminBunnells, Bloggers (you're all mostly mad but you rock!), Couchsurfers, Javas Classic crew, Bubbles, The Workzine, Maria, Sarah, Penny, Trish, Pat, Stella, Scharlyne, Phillis White, Dincy, Beqy, Jaq, Brenda, Fez, Darlyne, Baz, Joanna, Fifi, Dimples, Rosette, David and Niki, Angie, Suze Peru, Rob Percival, Becca Schwartz, the bajaj guy who sped off with my 5k the other day, the chick in Bangkok who conned me of a pizza promising me kb and all those who have bought me a meal and a drink here and there, thank you all. I could list all y'all but we would be here til the second coming so I'm just going to wish you a very merry Christmas and happy new year. May you find the child in you that makes the holidays magical. See you on the flip side and just so you know, "I aint dead, I aint done"

Mega BHH

So, the party is on! @solomonking has all the details and I'm going to camp at his office, which by the way (Streetsider and Sleek) is above Banana Boat and not some alternate dimesnion between the ATM machines and FatBoys, until I get them.

See you guys there.

L'esprit de Becca: "Stories about life, no matter where it takes me."

A fellow couchsurfer's blog. Highly recommend.
http://www.lespritdebecca.blogspot.com/

The Festival of Dangerous Ideas

Remember those so called "bimezas" and "kabazos" that the government in its infinite wisdom banned? Well, some guys in Australia got together and organized one of those things, a public debate on some of the prevailing notions and beliefs around the world today. Hosted by the Sidney Opera House in the first week of October 2009 and dubbed "The Festival of Dangerous Ideas" it featured such topics as "Democracy is Not for Everyone" and "Religion Poisons Everything" among several others.

The festival's opening address was given by atheism advocate Christopher Hitchens on the topic of "Religion Poisons Everything", which was countered by Australian Roman Catholic Cardinal George Pell in a session titled "Without God We Are Nothing". The Crikey, the erstwhile controversial Australian electronic magazine, summed up the event in these words: "For the Darlinghurst secular-liberals most of these ideas were either safe, or so ridiculous as to be of no interest. Really dangerous ideas — ones that people might act on — didn't get a look in."

I don't know about the guys at The Crikey, but I watched the debate on "Democracy is Not for Everyone" and I was impressed with the arguments for and against the motion. It was filled with intellect, wit and more importantly a realism contributed by the speakers' honesty, analysis and experience. I would so much as go ahead to encourage everyone to watch these debates but I am afraid they can be classified as the stuff of intellectuals. Apparently that stuff is boring to most people, a notion I find silly because anyone who has the inclination and capacity for reason is an intellectual. I personally believe the average farmer is more of an intellectual than the average acolyte of the revered "corporation".

I find myself playing around with these dangerous ideas, I ask myself what is the true essence of "Life"? What truly is "Liberty" and how can I engage in "the pursuit of happiness"? I am delving into ideas that are merely given lip service these days so as to lend credence to mercantile misadventures.

A member of the audience remarked that it was high time humanity got back to the business of thinking and extending mental boundaries. It has become apparent that these ideas that we praise without reservation, ideas like "Capitalism", need to be revisited and fine tuned to fit the needs of all society and not just a select few. Perhaps the greatest coup d'état of our time has been the one on Liberty by the unrelenting greed that drives mercantilism. I personally believe we need to revisit the entire idea of capital as a factor of production and figure out a way of a giving it a social dimension from the ground up and not the half hearted handout that "corporate social responsibility" is. Don't get me wrong and assume that I'm advocating for a radical shift to "Socialism" or some other form of government; all I'm saying is that we would be better served by a combination of different ideologies than just one. The idea that to have a meaningful life, one must engage in the unending pursuit of "money", something that is by definition meant to be scarce, is fallacious at the least. It simply cannot be true because to say so would mean that more than half the world's population, including myself, lives a meaningless existence and will be doing so for a long time to come unless we do something about it.

I wish to teach my generation that as long as we dream and use our imaginations, we can achieve anything. The simple truth written in all these self help books is that we are what we think we are and all that's left for us to change is our thoughts and opinions.

The PIFF Speech That Never Was

Apparently I was supposed to make some sort of speech last Saturday; thankfully I managed to dodge it. I like to think that I know myself very well and I know that if I desired to master the art of public speaking I would do so. However, I know the kind of power and influence that comes with it and I do not wish to have it. The very thought of having people hanging onto my every word scares me. I believe that everyone should be able to think for themselves but for those of you who still have questions about the Pay It Forward Foundation Uganda and would like to hear all about it from the horse's mouth, well, here goes this horse.

First off, let me thank all of you who made The Masquerade Party what it was, it was great having you there! Thank you for all your support and enthusiasm.

The PIFF is above all else an idea, perhaps we're just idealists but we truly believe that the world can be a better place if we all just cared about each other a little bit more. Personally, the idea is premised on the kindness I have experienced in my life, without it, I would not be here today and I am very aware of that fact. The world today is set up as a ruthless jungle where the meek, poor, helpless, unfortunate and many others are trampled upon and considered nothing more than units of production. Somehow as a species, we seem to have lost that very thing that defines us, our humanity. The PIFF seeks to change this attitude by encouraging you to believe with us that being kinder to whoever you come into contact with can make the world a better place.

While I may have issues with the way the world is set up, I realise that we have to conform to certain standards if we are going to be able to do our work, however in all that we do, we aim to uphold the values of Kindness, Integrity, Forgiveness, Respect, Trust and Unity. We seek to dispel the belief in the outside world that we cannot help ourselves and must always depend on foreign nations to offer assistance and even manpower. I look at my generation and I see that there is potential to build a nation and a world that is truly better for all of us. We only lack the belief.

The PIFF aims to be a social network or movement or whatever you wish to call it that brings together people from all walks of life and gets them thinking about becoming better individuals who will build a better world by tackling today's social issues together. The role of building civilizations is not the sole domain of political organisations as we have come to realise but rather it is the duty of every man and woman.

We hope that many of you are asking yourselves how to become a part of the PIFF and to answer your question; you just have to believe that a kinder and better world is possible and that it begins with you. Many people have stood up throughout history and said as much, some have said that "you must be the change you want to see", that if you wish to build a better world; you should start with the "man in the mirror". We beseech you to make a conscious choice, "to live from the inside out rather than from the outside in."

So we're going to crunch the numbers, draw up the plans and then get back to you on how you can help us help others. Yes, we want your money, at least a little bit of it.

 

A Song for Keira

Here we stand by the fireside singing songs
Singing about tomorrow and the day that's gone
Thinking of the roads and tunnels long
We'll wander east and west 'til we get home.

The clouds are gathered, winds blowing,
Together huddled for the storm is coming
Pain pulls to the edge of night, falling
Searing and burning bright, we lie groaning.

Across the plains and up the mountains
With nature's towers and flowing fountains
We lay to rest your earthly form
A month and twenty days, your home.

Goodbye goodbye Goddess of peace,
Heart of innocence without sin
Your life with us a pleasant dream
One of us, forever we sing.

This world will not break our heavy hearts
For your laughter we have known, pure and light
Perfect forever you remain, peace to you we pray
One of us, forever we sing,
One of us, forever in our hearts.

Disestablishmentarianism: The New World Order

The world is changing. The financial meltdown brought to light a simple fact about the system of capitalism; that it is not without flaws. Excessive greed was at the heart of the crisis with the world's biggest financial institutions trading assets to the tune of several hundred billion dollars. When the housing bubble bust and these assets quickly turned toxic, these giants of capitalism, a system that dislikes government, found themselves having the "government of the people" as their lender of last resort. Some argued that these so called giants should be left to the fate of demand and supply but their voices fell on deaf ears. The impact, of the demise of Lehman Brothers at the hands of market forces on the global economy, forced governments all over the world to institute bailouts for their financial institutions. The BBC in its series, "Lehman Brothers: The Bank That Broke The World", reports that every tax payer in the developed world forked out £2000 to bail out the world's largest banking institutions. As the world struggles to recover from the recession, governments and businesses are trying to figure out how to prevent another such disaster. Questions like, "Why didn't we see it coming? How did it happen so fast? Who is responsible? How do we make sure it doesn't happen again?" have been on policy makers minds for much of the last 12 months and perhaps many more to come. The fact is simple, we need new thinking, and the mantra coined on Wall Street that "greed is good" has been shattered.

The world is changing. The issue of global warming can no longer be thought of as a fringe idea. The evidence is all around us. The ice caps are melting faster than before, the air is stale and full of gunk and the world's forests are disappearing faster than ever before. The results of our belief that it is our mission to go forth and multiply are only too evident now. The world's population stands at more than 6 billion people and according to number crunchers, that number will hit 9 billion by 2025. The current view is that we will need approximately one and a half earths to sustain such a population. We have been here before, some centuries ago a man of the cloth came to the conclusion that unless something was done, the population growth rate was going to quickly outstrip the food supply. His name was Malthus and his theory is still taught in classrooms today. We were saved by the agricultural revolution. Man set his mid to figuring out a way to sustain the world and was successful. Today the future seems bleak; a vast number of people are faced with starvation, the relentless march of industrialisation and all the ills that go with it threatens to engulf the world. At the current rate, The Federated States of Micronesia will be no more in about 20 years, Thailand will cease to exist by the turn of the century and much of Uganda perhaps will be nothing more than desert. The rapid change in the global climate and the threat it poses for many communities around the world will lead to social and political upheaval in many parts of the world. The fight for scarce resources will only intensify and the idea of a climate induced apocalypse is no longer the sole domain of Hollywood and science fiction writers. The way forward is not quite clear but it is evident that we cannot go about our lives as if it were business as usual, something must change. High on the agenda is discovering an energy source that is clean, cheap and abundant. I wish that one of my own could come up with this but instead it seems we might yet have to fight over the "black gold".

Something is happening in the Middle East. There is an organisation of the United Nations called the UNRWA (United Nations Relief Works Agency). It was formed sixty years ago to deal with the issue of Palestinian refugees. It is, according to the United Nations resolution that formed it, a temporary organisation. I imagine the idea was that the issues between Israel and Palestine would be sorted out quickly enough to allow peace to reign between the Jews and the Arabs; however it seems I am not the only one cursed with the disease of procrastination. The politicians tasked with solving the crisis have all pretty much given up on it and the consensus around the world is that there can be no peace in the Middle East. However the world has sat back long enough, the idea that one state can act unilaterally with impunity is distasteful to say the least. The Goldstone Report which has caused major political fallout is the beginning of a new trend and we cannot take the Israel's self serving propaganda at face value anymore. The idea that such a thing as the Dahiya doctrine is justifiable borders on the lunacy that led to WWII, the same lunacy that has been the oil feeding the fires of persecution throughout human history. Its results as evidenced by Israel's war on Gaza are nothing short of crimes against humanity. The greatest shame in all this lies on the Palestinian people for in the midst of persecution, they are divided. They fail to realise that if they presented a united stand to the world, they would go a long way in the fight for freedom. As for the so called people of the free world, it is nothing short of inhuman to witness such events and idly stand by claiming that it is not your duty to help. Those who purport the desire to do so clearly attempt to serve two masters, justice must supersede the interests of any state if the world is to live in peace. The time will come when Israel will attempt to cross the "Red Line" that is drawn by the Arab world at Al Aqsa mosque and may God be with us all on that day because it will no longer be as simple as matters that don't concern you or me, it will be a matter of religion for more than one third of the world's population and the idea of a holy crusade will not seem so alien to many people all over the world. As I write this, it has become evident that Obama has failed to get the Israeli government to cease settlement expansion, something that is in violation of previous agreements conjured up over the years in an attempt to make peace in the holy land. He finds himself losing credibility among the Arab nations as an impartial player which simply means that all those inspiring words he spoke in Cairo not to mention that Nobel prize have all been for naught. Yet, there is hope, even if it is the simple fact that I am now aware of these things and that I will never stop fighting for the rights of all who are oppressed. I add my humanity, whatever impact it may have, to the cause of freedom for all the oppressed, from the children of my country, to the Rohinya of Myanmar and to the people of Palestine. I wish to say that I stand with them in their struggle and I have hope.

I realise that I could go on and on about how the world is changing and how it affects you as a member of the human race but I believe that each one of us must make up their own minds as to where they wish to go and what they desire to do. I offer only one simple piece of advice, seek ye first knowledge and then pray for wisdom to choose the right path. We who are alive today are at the cusp of a new age in human history; it is the age of awareness. At no other point in history has mankind had access to information like we do today, we have the ability to hold a meaningful conversation with a stranger thousands of miles away at the click of a button and it would be silly of us not take advantage of this and build a better world. The idea that there is an institution in this world that cannot be changed or torn down is rooted in nothing more that people's acceptance of the status quo. As long as citizens all over the world believe that they do not have the power to change their lot in life, those who control and govern us will always do what they please at our expense.

For my part, I desire nothing less than peace on earth. I worship at the altar of Eirene and I will never stop seeking peace and happiness. This desire threatens to send me to the remotest corners of the earth, to sit in ancient temples and seek a path to enlightenment. Those of you who wish me to stay a little longer; I ask that you show the world that little bit of humanity. I ask that you come join us as we attempt to make the world just a little bit kinder and better.

PS: The Pay It Forward Foundation Uganda will be having a launch party this Saturday 07^th November 2009 at Bricks Bar and Restaurant in Centenary Park at 4pm. All are welcome, especially you. If you would like to support the foundation, you can do so by buying a ticket or a tee shirt. See you all there.

Of this and that and the other

I've not been here in ages, sorry but life sort of caught up with me and I just managed to wriggle out of it's grasp for these few minutes to tell you what's up. I've been doing a lot of writing, unfortunately most of it's been done in my head. I can't seem to stop thinking about things, which reminds of a Robbie Williams song with the line "contemplating thinking about thinking". Yup, I've been doing that. I've been thinking about the Goldstone report and I will be telling you what I think about it soon. I Was watching Faultlines on Al Jazeera the other day and they had a special on Honduras, it's amazing how much injustice goes on out there and yet the powers that be stand by and watch.

The Listening post is doing a feature on Obama's Nobel and how it was reported in the media, what do you guys think about it? Afghanistan is in trouble, they have to organise a run off election before winter sets in, I wish them the best. Karzai attempted to pull a fast one even with all the world's cameras pointed at him and he nearly got away with it.Pakistan on the other hand is in danger of devolving, can you believe the chaps have nuclear weapons? The whole world seems to be comfortable with the idea of wiping out the Al Qaeda and make theTaliban powerless but I'm not sure it's going to be accomplished.

Back home, I've heard things about a homosexuality bill that makes us look like barbarians and apparently no leader on the continent deserves the Mo Ibrahim Foundation Prize.

Will fill you in tomorrow on other happenings. Later peeps