So, Jason Mraz keeps a blog. I've just perused it and it looks interesting. He sounds a bit of an oddball, talking all spiritual and karma stuff which I like most of the time but I am not in a mood for that now. Here's the link if you're interested. http://freshnessfactorfivethousand.blogspot.com/
I met a guy in Kamwokya today, he looked about 26 or thereabouts. I was walking towards the market to find a place with good cheap food. I noticed him when he was about 30 meters from me, walking in the opposite direction. He had on a black and white checkered shirt, cream cargo pants that stopped just below the knees and sandals for footwear. We made eye contact, he stopped, I yanked the earphones from my ears and said "hi".
"Hello" he said
"Can I help you" I asked, turning slightly away to avoid the smell of alcohol.
"You look familiar, did we go to school together?"
"Um, which school would that be?"
"Weren't you in Kigezi College?"
"No, you must have me mistaken for somebody else"
"You look like someone I know called Ronald. Say, can you help me with 500/= for a taxi?"
I looked at him, he seemed in good shape apart from the alcohol breath. I wondered how he could expect me to give him some of my "whoring dividends" when he looked perfectly able to provide for himself.
"I'm sorry I can't" I said
"Well, I guess I'll just walk then"
"Yes, you should walk, it won't kill you that's for sure, give you some time to think as well."
I walked off wondering whether I should feel guilty that i hadn't helped him, it was in my power to do but I looked at him and judged him as unworthy of my kindness.
When does it become a burden? A kind heart, when is it that you give more than you should or is there such a point? When do you decide that you should be good to yourself, that you deserve to hold back a little?
I'm struggling with balance, I know I can't give everything away, that I must keep something for myself, even the emotional stuff. I hope soon I will strike a balance that allows me to feel a little less and do a little more.