At This Point In My Life

"At this point in my life, I'd like to live as if only love mattered,
As if redemption was inside, as if the search to live honestly is all that anyone needs
No matter if you find it
See when I've touched the sky, the earth's gravity has pulled me down
But now I've reconciled that in this world birds and angels get the wings to fly
If you can believe in this heart of mine
If you can give it a try
Then I'll reach inside and find and give you all the sweetness that I have
Oh, At this point in my life
At this point in my life"
------------------------------------Tracy Chapman

It is late evening and I am seated at the Coffee Korner in PP rediscovering my ability to eat and drink. I am just recovering from my bout of that damn fever and I am pondering the workings of the universe. I belong out here; I know it and I feel it so strongly that I am puzzled as to why events have conspired to send me back to the beginning. It's as if I am merely a piece in a cosmic game of snakes and ladders. Most people get to a point in life when they try to figure out what it all means; they want their lives to make sense and it's not uncommon for someone to come to the conclusion that it's all meaningless. Life seems so random that the idea that there's a grand design to it is a bitter pill to swallow. I have had my moments of despair when nothing has made sense to me and I have come to the conclusion that it's all about the moments. This belief has served me well for a long while but it cannot any longer. There must be something more.

It is late evening and I am seated in the waiting room of Kampala Coach in Nairobi, my bus ride is still hours away and it has been one hell of a journey to get to this point. I am still disappointed that I'm back on this continent but here I am. I decide to pen a few thoughts to while away the time and put something in my tummy as well. I meet Rama whose mother runs the restaurant and I prompt him for his story and then something is revealed to me. I have been feeling it for a while now, a sense that something is happening to me that I do not yet understand. I have come the 360 degrees and suddenly there it is in front of me. I have come to a realisation that I am merely an instrument of the universe, that it moves me and points the way to the places I must go. Certain things begin to make sense now and I see the path that lies before me, I am here for a reason and if it is all to be worth it there are things that I must do.

At this point in my life, I believe that the universe moves me. That my life is no longer simply my own and that there is a grand design to this thing we call life. Perhaps my mind has gone vacationing on the other side but I simply believe that I have been called on to do the best I can. We, my dear friends, you and I are going to do something that will change one life for the better and will hopefully be the beginning of something bigger than ourselves. I will be in touch.