Tuesday, April 20, 2010

“The Dreaming”


This little guiding plant of mine, I'm gonna let it burn,
This little guiding plant of mine, I'm gonna let it burn,
This little guiding plant of mine, I'm gonna let it burn,
Let it burn, all the time, let it burn.



There is a story they tell, of a man called Moses who saw a burning bush, and that God spoke to him through this burning bush.

"Son, I am the shit this side of the Sahara, I made you and I can break you. I am the most magnificent, most...most everything really. So you gotta do what I say, okay?

"Nigga, what the ****?"

"Watch your language, the last time your lot went this way I had to flood the whole thing to put out the fires. Now please don't make me go through too elaborate an illustration to prove to you that, as aforementioned, I am the what?"

"The m*** shit this side of the Sahara?"

"Nigga, language please!"

"But you said.."

"Hush. Go tell that man to let my people go, tell him to let them be free. Tell him, the Almighty, the most...most everything really, says it must be so.... Hmmm, I need a dictionary."

"A what? Nigga, you talking crazy; you know Pharaoh? I aint stickin my neck out for niggas that can't do shit for themselves; you should see them, by the thousands hauling block after block, whining that God has forsaken us. Fighting and even killing each other; Nigga, do something for yourself....Um, I'm talking about them, not you.

Tell me anyway, who the hell are you and why the, um, hell should I do anything you say?"

"Now we're getting somewhere, I am the most awesome, most...amazing, hah! Most...most everything really. Damn! Okay, listen up; go tell that man, that this guy you pray to every night; that he's the shit and he can kick his guys' shit to Miletus. Tell him that I have finally heard their cries of agony, I was roaming you know, sometimes the network can be shitty. Anyway, I am back in this biz like a bad case of halitosis and I say enough is enough."

"Nigga you dumb? You want me to go in front of Pharaoh and say what; that my god sent me, blah blah blah, and expect him to hand over the keys to the kingdom? In case you aint noticed, I don't speak too good, and those people of yours, they don't take too kindly to other people telling them what to do. No, that's just wrong, a nigga needs some backup, you know."

"Aaaah, you're into magic tricks? Yeah? You seen the one with the stick and the snake? No? Good. How bout this one? Put your hand in your cloak; now pull it out, impressive eh?"

"Aaaah! Nigga, what you done to my hand? Oh man!"

"Quit whining and put it in your cloak again; that's two, now for the finale! Drum rolls please.

Ladies and gentlemen, sons and daughters of Msiri and Israel, I give you the amazing Moses and his pitcher. Watch as he takes some water from the Nile and pours it on the ground. What do we have here? Some red stuff; is it wine? No! It is blood! My, what an amazing trick, this guy is surely the shit!

Okay, I guess that covers it, any questions?"

"Well, there's still that issue of my public speaking and I would rather ride into town in a flaming chariot...oh and also that hand thing, how bout we do something funky when I pull it out of my cloak, like a flaming sword or some shit? Diseased hand is a bit uncomfortable for me, you know how niggas roll, image is everything in this game."

"Oh man, how come I always land on the wimps? This didn't happen to Zeus. Alright, here's what we'll do, your brother Aaron knows how to spin that shit, you tell him what I tell you and you'll look like the dangerous nigga behind the scene. How's that? Kul? Alright, grab your goddamn stick and let's get this show on the road."

"Um, one last thing."

"Oh man, what now?"

"If you're the shit this side of the Sahara, who's the shit on the other side?"

"Okay, you're beginning to annoy me; nobody cares about the other side of the Sahara and if it ever comes up, we'll see how fix that. Now go, I need to go and find someone who can read this manual."

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

God loves you.

Wendal said...

This is some krazy spin to a story we all know too well. It had me in aches laughing.

On a serious note though, I heard a story about the bible having been "translated" into street slang to make it readable more than once by your regular street dude. Not sure if they used this much ghetto grammar though !!

xiona said...

but Rhino! u do knkow God loves u, right?