Taking Leave

So, I have arrived at this point. The many winding roads have led me here, the point at which I know with absolute certainty that I must leave you all. Ever since that February day, I have had but one desire and that is “to lay down my life and call it a day”. The sadness I feel each day is worse, everything here reminds of her and I know that the pain I feel will be with me until I draw my last breath. Only my simple belief in the kindness of strangers stays my hand, that and the desire to see the world, to save a life, to expend my life doing something good. It is now clear to me that I will never put down roots anywhere, the whole world is my home and yet I am a stranger here.
It is hard for me to say goodbye, I don’t know how to do it. I hope a few words will suffice.
I have always believed that lady luck looked at me when I was born and decided that it was not for me to win lotteries and grand prizes, I believe she simply whispered in my ear “You will have the fortune of meeting the most beautiful and lovely people”. It has been amazing knowing all of you.

Roger, you are an amazing person, one of the kindest people I’ve ever known. I can never pay back all that you’ve given me because you gave me my life when I thought I had lost it. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I know sometimes life is hard but if there’s anyone with the guts and belief to make it, it is you. I will always be proud to call you my brother.

Stella, I hope that one day you truly laugh and that those dark feelings leave you. I also hope that one day you find yourself, and that you embrace the simple miracle of being because life is simply just grand, you just have to breathe the free air to know it.

Mark, I pray you find the things that make you truly happy. It may seem that you were much happier in the yesteryears but “life has loveliness to sell” in amazing abundance. I know that the road ahead may sometimes seem difficult and the light may sometimes seem like it’s gone out. All I can tell you is to put one foot in front of the other and keep walking.

Googz, I hope one day you find the courage to let go of yourself and remember what it feels like to trust. Take a chance! No one has to do it alone.

Abbas don’t let anyone tell you what you can and cannot do; only you can tell yourself that. If it means that you must take a chance and go with blind faith then do it, you’ll be the better for it. I know you and Sheila will do some amazing things together, so don’t waste any time because life is short.

Jorge, I feel your pain, I hope one day it all works out. You’re one of the best people I know, I have faith that you will be okay. There is one out there, one that will love the pilgrim soul in you.

Kats, I wish you the happiest days of your life. You’ve got a good thing going, that girl and you. I thank you for offering wise counsel and pray that you continue to do so.

Nagi, have faith in your friends, do not be afraid to ask for a helping hand. That is what friends are for. Don’t lose the joker in you; life is too short to be too serious.

Dush, I wish you one more guardian angel to watch over you. I will never forget that we had that “profoundest moment” and I hope you never lose that foothold in Zion.

Dipo, I wish I had the time to figure you out. Sometimes you seem too angry and other times there is a happiness few really know. I know there is nothing more important in your life than your friends so I hope you’re always surrounded by the truest of friends. I also hope that you find that thing that makes you truly at peace.

Bams, I wish you the best of luck in all your endeavors. Do not get lost in that world of numbers and derivatives and whatnot, take a moment every now and then and smell the flowers.

Kezie, I pray you find something that inspires you to change your life for the better. I feel that somewhere along the way, life’s most important lesson has been lost on you. I hope you get another chance to learn it before it’s too late. Remember, “You’ve got to give a little, to live a little”.

Miles, Gitta, Bits, Enan, Kagzi, Allano, Budi, Izak, Victor, all you nook and jeras niggaz, thank you for your friendship.

Fiona, I hope that the night sky and fireworks will always be amazing for you and that your life will always be filled with the loveliest music. It has been a pleasure knowing you. I will miss those conversations. I hope one day our paths cross and we can sit and share our experiences.

Pat, never forget that there is something nice and lovely about you.

Dimples, I pray that one day you find Isaac and all your dreams come true. Thank you for accepting me as I am, it is a rare thing indeed to be loved unconditionally. May you always have that sparkle in your eyes and that warm loving smile. Never let anyone tell you it’s wrong to give a damn because in the end only kindness matters. You are perfect, just keep being you.

Diana, I wish you many more lovely moments and years. I am sorry that I have fallen out of touch but I will never forget our friendship. I am sorry that I missed your wedding day; it hurts me that I did.

Trish, thank you for those wild and sweet moments of ecstasy and for giving me the definition of “making love”. There is one for you out there, I only ask that you find your voice and know yourself.

Penny; something tells me that if I had but talked with you a little more, I would have discovered another part of me. If anyone is equipped with the right stuff to find true happiness, it is you. Don’t ever forget that.

Scharlyne, I guess all I can say is that we all tread the roads we tread. I know yours leads to success and I hope you have happiness as your companion.

Esther, It was lovely while it lasted. I will not forget you and I wish you the best.

Jaq, you will always be a highlight in my life. Our shared love of words and beautiful things will endure and I know that we’ll be the best of friends to our dying days. I pray you find that friend who will cook you a soup to warm your soul.

Sam, you’re a sweet soul, gentle and kind. I pray you never lose that. Good luck with everything

Maria, the words are what matters, the things spoken, the sharing of knowledge, of values and of dreams; these are the things that matter between two people. Do the talk thing and you’ll understand each other. I hope one day you discover what you really desire to do.

Gloria, I wish you pure and simple happiness. I hope that you’ll get to run around with your grandchildren and give them fairytale names. Give Lorena a kiss for me and tell her I will write her a bedtime story one day.

Salomé, you’re in love with one who bears my name. I do not doubt that you will be okay. Enjoy every minute of it.

Tabitha, joy, love, peace, happiness, comfort, adventure and more; these are things that I wish for you.

Sarah, my friend and friend of my friend, I know we share the same pain and a hope that these things will make us better people; for both our sakes I believe this to be true. I will miss you dearly and that lovely way you smile. Have an amazing life.

Dincy, aaah, the wonder of you; our lives indeed are too strange for us. I feel the things that you feel and yet I must leave you. I go to heal myself and I hope you find a way to heal yourself too, I promise that I will keep checking on you and if I should return and find that you are not happy here I will take you with me. For my part I pray you have a beautiful life. These things that grow from empathy are comforting and hopeful. Thank you for being there.

Bré, I tried to say my goodbye yesterday and I know it will take me a long time to let go if ever. I will keep the fire burning however long the years may be. Even though it seems that I go to forget, I know that I never will. I take you with me; in the depths of my heart for you will always be what drives me. I will simply live my life in memory of you.

…and for all of you
I have a simple idea, that each and every one of us is unique. The moments that have brought you to be are in themselves so unique that there will never be another like you. I think that sometimes you forget something as simple as the fact that you are special.

The years lie before you; they are empty pages of a book, a book that tells the story of your life. You are the author and it is up to you to choose the words to put down. May you all write all manner of beautiful things and may you never forget that you hold the instruments of the storyteller, be they pen, pencil, keyboard or paintbrush. You are the author, your life will always be your own.

Be the best of friends, support each other, and do not be afraid to correct one another. Do not be quick to anger; try to understand each other instead. Work together so that you may all prosper, and remember that life is not a zero sum equation.

How to save a life?

I have been thinking about life. In fact I think about it a lot. What does it mean? What is my purpose? How can I know that I have done well with my fair share of it? These are all questions that only I can answer. No book or religion or person can tell me these things, but even as I write this I know that we as human beings are simply nothing more than the sum of our experiences. The things that we go through in life, the good and the bad determine how we look at life and give us the lessons we take with us on whatever path we tread. I have seen a few things here and there, experienced immeasurable joy and sorrow and like a rope maker I have beaten the strands and wisps that make the bonds of true friendship. I have always thought that my purpose in life was simply to love and to be loved and though life in all its fickleness has conspired to make me believe otherwise I have held fast to these beliefs. Now like some poet long since dead, I stand on the edge of a surf tormented shore and I ask the Gods that be, of small things and those of great consequence, that one day I can save a life. For then I will know that my life has been worth something and I will be absolved of all my indiscretions.

Storms

For Dincy, thank you for being there and for knowing how I feel.

There will be storms, child
There will be storms
And with each tempest
You will seem to stand alone
Against cruel winds
But with time, the rage and fury
Shall subside And when the sky clears
You will find yourself
Clinging to someone
You would have never known
But for storms.
............................................Margie DeMerell

This is how we remember you

With heads bowed in silent prayer,
Cheeks wet with silent tears,
Hearts heavy with silent sadness,
This is how we mourn you.

Reliving the moments spent together,
Remembering the secrets told and kept,
Feeling the intimacies in the elements,
This is how we grieve for you.

Taking the joy, love, peace and happiness,
Finding a voice in solacing solitude,
Passing it forward and giving it to the world,
This is how we remember you.

…………………………………………………………….RCK

CouchSurfing

CouchSurfing (verb): To crash at someone else's place.

The CouchSurfing Project is a free, Internet-based, international hospitality service, and it is currently the largest hospitality exchange
www.couchsurfing.com

I have been afflicted by wanderlust of late and am still in the process of planning my permanent move overseas but the need to get away has been intense. While reading a travel blog online I came across CouchSurfing and proceeded to investigate this community of people who are likewise afflicted. The process is relatively simple, you sign up on the website and get in touch with people who live where you want to go.

So I signed up on the website and proceeded to get in touch with 2 people in Nairobi and 2 others in Dar asking if I could crash on their couches for a few days. I received 2 offers in 24 hours so I packed my bag and run off with little or no money to crash on Putu's couch in Nairobi.

The bus ride was something else, it set off at midday and I proceeded to enjoy the scenery and chat with my neighbour who was on his way to Mombasa. Let me just say Uganda is a bloody beautiful country. 4 hours later we reached the border and quickly got through to the other side so I thought to myself a few more hours and we'll be there. 5 hours later I was knackered and wanted to just get off the bus and walk, little did I know I had 4 more hours and like a gazillion roadblocks to go. The night sky was absolutely amazing and so was the occasional smoke when we stopped for a few minutes. It is an interesting thing but I think smokers have a headstart in making a connection, all it takes is the sharing of a lighter or cigarette and the words come easier.

Anyway 13 hours after setting off I arrived in Nairobi and proceeded to find my host Putu at Carnivore and trust him to be nice and drunk. I quickly deposited my bags and a lovely girl called Wanja bought us shots. The night was filled with beer and strangers; Putu who incidentally is from South Africa and has only been here a month, Wanja who loves old school hip hop, Ameline who was going back to Norway the next day, Prossie who took me through a vigorous ragga session and a host of other interesting people. We stumbled into Putu's apartment at 5:30 and I took up residence on his couch, my journey already having been worth it.

Got up at about 4 and headed to Gipsy, a nice bar and restaurant with a gypsy theme to it, a version of Bubbles if I might say so. I had the best burger ever "classic beef burger with glazed ham, lettuce, tomato, fresh basil and mozzarella" according to the menu which I nicked because it had this poem that I found very exciting and foretelling.

Auspicious Rose (Mary-Ann Robertson)

Whether traveller or reveller
Runaway or refugee
We gather together by a fortuneteller
Wherever dweller the gipsy
Here tales are told
Among scattered packets of tobacco
And shot sambuca sold
Peels of laughter reeling in tequila
'ere there
Drowned sorrow soaks tomorrow in amnesia
Down in one dime or two wine or three
Behold
The curtain of each character unfolds
As thy forune is perchance unrolled
On petalled gipsy palm
Charmed mistress o'er crystall ball
So future vagrants may yet recall
Who knows
That romance did those befall
Amid skulduggery and rose

After watching that painful loss to Fulham, we settled down to conversation and beer while waiting for a one Luc to arrive. Luc is by all definitions African American, even though his last name is Angwenyi. He grew up there and so almost everything about him is gangsta. At first I was shocked to see this big, boisterous fellow but as the night wore on I was pleased to discover that beneath all that macho stuff he has a lot of respect for other people and is really intelligent.

Luc came along with his boss Amid or Hamid or something like that. Amid (I'll stick with that) is British but of Indian descent and considers himself Kenyan. A lawyer by training, he came to Africa 20 years ago with the desire to make a difference in the world around him. A successful businessman, he also runs 5 homes for battered women and children. He's married to a British lady and has 3 children, the youngest a daughter. He hopes that one day she'll marry a nice African man and be happy and in his words "complete". But for all this stuff, Amid struck me as a deeply sad man, he feels he hasn't achieved the things he wants to, he is disgusted with the fact that Africans still dance to the white man's tune. He is disappointed that he has not been able to inspire his fellow man to greater heights and would gladly assist anyone pursuing such an endavour. All this he tells me after I introduce myself as an aspiring writer. Anyway he gets too sloshed and takes his leave and I desiring to continue the conversation ask Luc about him and I get invited to their offices on Monday (sadly I'll be leaving then).

We all settle down at a table and I meet Mercy, Sheila, Graeme, Oscar and Hakim. Oscar and Hakim are Ugandan and have been in Nairobi for about a year. Graeme who also happens to be Luc's boss is British, he's been in Africa for ages as well and loves it, especially Zambia. He's recently divorced after a 14 year marriage and has one daughter he loves absolutely. Incidentally he strikes me as a happy guy who loves life and doesn't take waste an opportunity to enjoy it. He cozzies up to Mercy and I promptly turn my attention to the rest of the party. I learn a new swahili word "baridi" which means cold because warm beer seems to be the rule rather than the exception here. Luc meanwhile is being his gangsta self and making advances on several girls after having an intimate moment with Sheila who happens to be his wokmate. By the by the alcohol gets to him and he comes over to the table with a wild haired girl who looks like nothing but trouble and indeed proves to be as Sheila turns up the heat on him. A few mineral water bottles later he comes to his senses and gets rid of the valkyrie.

Meanwhile I've lost track of how many beers I've consumed and Putu is busy trying to get lucky. After some abandoned dancing, more beer, juicy steaks and more conversation we head home at 4 or thereabouts. We get home and Putu receives a phone call and rushes back out to get lucky. I being too hammered jump onto the couch and call it a good night.

Sunday is a beautiful day with the loveliest weather I've seen in a while. We walk around the city which is nice and neat. We have lunch at some Italian restaurant and then proceed to the Masai market where I have to choose between buying a Masai blanket that is apparently worn by the Masai men when they are brewing beer and chilling or one that is put on by the warriors. I opt for the former and then we go home to chill and wait for the Liverpool game. Its pretty much winddown mode from there onwards and now I have look forward to a 13 hour journey. I so want to see the rift valley.

The Bucket List

Before I set out on my journey, I have decided to make a list of the things I want to do before I die, the things that will truly make me happy. Every single day, I will try to do one or more of these things and hopefully by the time I shuffle off, I will be smiling or sky diving, who knows. I think if each one of us made such a list and everyday was spent consciously trying to achieve or do these things, we would all be a happier lot. It is a strange thing how we often tell ourselves that we cannot do the things we want to do because of one thing or another, but when something happens, we look at our lives and wonder why we waste so much time doing unpleasant and mundane things. So, I challenge you to sit down, make your list, and see how far you can take it.

• Find inner peace
  
• Save a life
• Carry the peace flag all over the world
  
• Sit atop a mountain and watch the sunrise
  
• Learn to play the guitar
  
• Write and perform a song for my love
  
• Set foot on all the continents
  
• Feel the ocean
  
• Visit the Taj Mahal
  
• Spend a year in a monastery
  
• Run with the bulls
  
• Tomato Fight
  
• Go Bungee Jumping
• Carnival in Brazil
  
• Sky Diving
  
• Make Snow Angels
  
• Visit 25 houses of worship around the world and light a candle in each
  
• Attend the FIFA World Cup
  
• Walk along the Great Wall of China
  
• Swing a Samurai Sword
  
• Learn Arabic, Chinese, French, Spanish and Hindi
  
• Write a book
• Write poetry
  
• Make love on the beach
  
• Have a threesome (with 2 hot birds)
  
• Sit on a park bench in Amsterdam and smoke weed
  
• Cook an Indian meal
  
• Drive an Aston Martin DBS
• Roller coaster ride
• Ice skate like a pro
• Ride a camel, elephant and horse
• Attend a Coldplay concert
• Shake hands with someone who has truly changed a country
• Hot air baloon ride
  

…..I will always be yours!

I remember all the times you kissed me, underneath the starlight in Jinja, that time in stakeout, that time in Hohe's car, that night in the disco, in that game of spin the bottle at Maria's, that night outside your house, that night in your car outside my house….each and every single one magical! I meant what I told you, that you are the one person I can see myself spending the rest of my life with. My love is too much to contain, now that you've gone from here, and if I must give it away to the whole world to find you again, then I give it up. I can't live without you. I know I will see you in the smiling faces and warm embraces of all that I meet out there, and where there is a tear I will wipe it away. I don't know where the roads will take me but I hope that at the end of it all, I lay me by the ocean and come to join you. If somewhere out there my mind should let go, I pray that the one thing that remains is the memory of you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy thanksgiving to all y'all and don't miss the cnn heroes show.

Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends

Every now and then I like to let my mind wander, helped along of course by several authors, film directors and an overactive imagination. So without much fanfare, presenting a list of events; past, future, fictional and others that I would like or have liked to be a part of.

1. Armageddon

Hollywood has served up this scenario of earth's ultimate fate several times, most notably the 1998 blockbuster "Armageddon" starring Bruce Willis and Billy Bob Thornton. The idea is simple; there's so much junk leftover from the bing bang and cosmic collisions that one day we'll experience the cosmic equivalent of slipping on a banana peel. Apparently the dinosaurs suffered a similar fate and it's long overdue.

If we put aside the fact that it would probably be curtains for mankind, imagine what it would feel and look like. The visual effects would be amazing, and the knowing that everything will be wrapped up momentarily (assuming it's predicted early enough) would be enough to humble even the greatest ego.

2.Contact!

There is life out there. OK, you've probably realised by now that I'm a science fiction buff, but seriously there's life out there. Intelligent life at that and one day, in some distant future or hopefully sooner, we'll stumble upon it or it us. I imagine it would change a whole lot of things; religions would crumble overnight, economic systems, etc.

3. One step closer to nowhere!















"That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." Immortal words uttered by Neil Armstrong. Imagine what it feels like to walk on the surface of the moon. To look up and see the earth thousands of kilometers away. To walk in the void, in the nothingness that is everything...aaah! the wonder!

Although overshadowed by cold war ideologies and painted as the "race to the moon", it portrays a significant human trait lauded in a TV series of the same decade: "To boldly go where no man has gone before"

4. When in the course of human events...

The American declaration of independence is one of the most beautiful documents ever penned. Written by Thomas Jefferson it was a formal explanation of why the US continental congress had voted to declare independence from Great Britain. If I had lived then, I would not have hesitated to take arms and rise up.

"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness..."

....to be continued

Number 13

13. There are fewer things more peaceful than having a child fall asleep in your arms.

I fleet..I float..I cannot tell a lie....

Um where was I?..oh yes..things I have learnt over the years..

11. Honesty is a double edged sword and if you must lie, do it by omission.
I have a strange compulsion to be honest in my social dealings...It's ended my relationships twice. I don't want to say I have a strong moral compass but I believe in the end it's good to be honest. However it's inevitable that at one time or another you have to tell a lie perhaps a white one, do it by omission and if u can't then abandon the facade.

12. There are fewer things more important in life than the friends we make.
To quote Alan Shore quoting Ralph Waldo Emerson " A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature."

you're breaking the speed of the sound of loneliness

There's something about a beautiful voice singing a sad song. It sinks deep inside you. Like a diver hunting for treasure, it brings all sorts of feelings and memories to the surface. Yet there's something more to it, Brenda was telling me yesterday that it's amazing how it can make you feel happy and sad at the same time. It makes you remember and feel sad moments, makes you imagine how the person who wrote it felt and makes you realise that you're not the only one who has ever known such sadness. It makes you believe there's a kindred soul out there....just waiting to be chanced upon...like a treasure chest in the ocean...you find hope...and you dream once more.

Take me back to Anona street
Fill my glass again
With a bittersweet
Cause I don't wanna see
The life I have
Thought the next time around
Wouldn't be so bad

Same mistake that I made before
I'll be waking up
On the kinlin' floor
While the bells are ringing
So low and sad
Thought the next time around
Wouldn't be so bad

Same mistake that I made before
I'll be waking up
On the kinlin' floor
I remember how
I made you mad
Thought the next time around
Wouldn't be so bad

I Thought the next time around
Wouldn't be so bad
Thought the next time around
Wouldn't be so bad
-------------------------Alison Krauss

....in the end, only kindness matters

8. I have been lucky to experience the kindness of strangers
There are fewer things more amazing than the kindness of strangers. I am not talking about that pocket change you give to the beggar or that donation to the children's fund you gave last year. I'm talking about "come into my home, share my roof, my food.." kindness. I have been fortunate to know it and I can't think of a better way to repay it than to if possible pay it back but always "PAY IT FORWARD".

9. Everyone has a right to bear arms (after a psych evaluation)

10. He who sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed
Some crimes are only punishable by death.

...in the pale light of the moon, I play a game of you.

6. I do Believe in love

They say we never landed on the moon
There's no wind there, they assume
I guess conspiracies are nothing new
But I'm sure i've been there with you

And I don't believe that in space
The only life is here on earth
How could we be the only race
That loves and hates 'til death from birth

But I do believe in love
Though I should never rely on love
Nothing else excites me
But loving you

Is it true a politician's heart
Can rust away and fall apart
I guess it must be hard
It must be hard
To know what's good
And to know what's easy

You might think it's strange
For all my wild ideas
But I do not believe that change
Can ever happen without tears

But I do believe in love
Though I should never rely on love
Nothing else excites me
But loving you
But loving you

7. The Sandman is the best graphic novel ever penned+drawn. Most people I know wouldn't touch it bse it looks like a kids comic but trust me it's anything but.

...looking on the bright side of life!

So I kicked year #26 out the backdoor today and made a deal with #27 to have a bit of meaning and then some. I have learnt a few things over the years and whether you like it or not, I'm going to share a few with you. So without further delay, presenting...."26 Things Raymond Believes"

1. Religion is outdated
I have always been of the view that we as human beings have an innate sense of morality and I guess we've arrived at this point by way of evolution with a few unsuccessful deviations by the wayside. Ultimately we've come to the point where do not need a 2000 year old interpretation of our lives.

You see, as human beings we have 2 strong urges or needs if I may call them that. One is the need to lay blame. So when things are going from bad to worse, when we fuck up or when life becomes a proverbial bitch, we get the irresistible urge to point the finger. The second need is the desire to give up, throw in the towel, call it quits, whatever cliche you like but there's no denying the fact that we love to give up. Granted there's a few of us who have evolved beyond this but most of us would rather lie down and let someone else do the heavy lifting. Anyway, the point of all that talk is that human beings invented religion to satisfy two basic needs

• The need to lay blame (Devil)
• The need to give up (God)

But enough with that crap I say, you and you alone are responsible for the shit you do.

2. The End Is Nigh!
Probably not, but I've always wanted to say that. Mankind will eventually do itself in, it's almost inevitable that out there somewhere is some mad and deluded mind that will one day push that button and we'll call it a day; barring that, there's bound to be a rock out there with our number on it. Yes, that's our future, extinction!

3. There Is Intelligent Life Out There! Probably back home.
To quote Douglas Adams, "Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space."

Every star you see in the night sky is actually a sun in a solar system and galaxy far far away. Now consider that there are as many stars as there are grains of sand on the beaches of the earth, by even the most conservative of estimates, the chances that intelligent life exists out there are pretty good. In fact having had even the most minor of brushes with the science of probability, you'll know that if a certain phenomenon is very likely to occur....

There is another reason I believe this though, one cannot fail to see that mankind was not meant for this planet. Let's face it, we can't deny our overwhelming ability to multiply irrespective of the availability of resources. We overpopulate the planet and then start squabbling over land, food and oil until some deadly disease comes along and regulates things. Hence I subscribe to the idea that we came from some far flung corner of the cosmos, hitched a ride on some comet (probably the one that did the dinosaurs in) and after things had quietened down, we crawled out of the seas to see where we had landed. Ergo, there's always home.

4. When in the course of human events...
I think the American Declaration of Independence is a masterpiece of political writing, in fact of writing period! It was a call to arms for the people of the colonies and a statement to the rest of the world that America was a sovereign nation with no political ties to the British crown.

5. We never stop silently loving those we once loved out loud...

....to be cont'd

Do we ever stop wanting?

I grew up in a small village, I had little desires, in fact one of the things I remember wanting most as a kid was to walk to school barefooted. Most other kids went to school barefooted but my mother rightly wouldn't let me. One day, when she had taken a trip to Kampala, I was left to my own devices and barefooted I strolled to school. It was a lovely feeling that day. I was like everyone else. Then I remember wanting to go and play "gogoli". A form of sledding minus all the safety gear and the snow. It involved a steep slope of about 150m or so, a banana plant stem and gravity. The safety net being a muddy pool of water. After an afternoon of "gogoli", I strolled home with my backside on display (shorts got worn out in one afternoon) to meet my mother's disapproving gaze and a few lashes on my now exposed behind. Still I had a great time. Then there was the game of "parapara", which basically was making a rotor using reeds, paper and some plant sap (engineering for beginners) and then running around so that the wind could rotate the mechanism….basically those were my desires then.

Fast forward 15 years and the only thing I want is more and more money. It's a far cry from those innocent days of my childhood. Sometimes I think that if I hadn't learnt a few things I would have been much happier with a hoe than with a pen. So when Dimples told that sometimes she wonders if we ever stop wanting, if we get to a point and say "yes, I think this is enough", I didn't have the heart to tell her it never ends. The never ending cascade of wanting more and more will never end until you draw your last breath, fruitlessly bargaining with death for a little "MORE" time.

ENIGMAS

Why am i here? Can I make a difference? How? How can I take your pain away? Does love conquer all? Is it enough? Am I wasting my life? What's the point anyway? Do you ever feel the other person's pain? Do you share in their joy? Is the grass really greener on the other side? Why does the journey back always seem shorter? Do I love you? Do you love me? Who am I? Why is that kid on the street? What is his story? Have we failed him? What is your story? Do you give alms? Why? Does it make you feel better? Does it absolve you? Are you guilty anyway? Of what? Did you love him enough? Did you love her enough? Is anybody there? Beyond the veiled sky? Do they care? About you? About me? Can they change it? Would they?

Hiro and the Future

I love comics, in fact I have a 5Gb collection of them, my favorites being Tintin, X men, Superman…etc. I also love movies based on comics, I enjoyed the Xmen, The Matrix, Siperman. One thing that I've failed to find however, is a good TV Series based on a comic book, or one with superheroes and stuff. Sure, there's Blade, Mutant X, and a few others I'm sure I know nothing about…but nothing outstanding. Enter Heroes , a tale of ordinary people waking up one day with extraordinary abilities, kind of like Mutants in the Marvel Universe. While it employs the usual tricks on leaving you hanging at the end of each episode, it is a beautifully written script, and one of those few things that get my "Masterpiece" tag, that's if they don't do another season. It ranks up there in my list of "works of art" which includes

Books

1. The Sandman - Neil Gaiman
2. The Kiterunner - Khaled Hosseini
3. The Lord of The Rings - JRR Tolkien
4. The Bartimaeus Trilogy - Jonathan Stroud
5. Salems Lot - Stephen King
6. The Shining - Stephen King
7. Snow Falling on Cedars -
8. The Wisdom of Crowds -
9. Blink -
10. Opening Skinner's Box

Movies

1. The Fellowship of the Ring
2. The Phantom Menace
3. The Matrix
4. Revenge of the Sith
5. The Two Towers
6. In America
7. Braveheart
8. Dogma
9. Hearts In Atlantis
10. The Last Samurai
11. Gladiator
12. A Beautiful Mind

Comics and Comic Strips

1. Calvin and Hobbes
2. The Far Side
3. TinTin
4. Wolverine: Enemy of The State
5. X Men: The Dark Phoenix
6. Kingdom Come

.....................to be continued

The Demons Within

We had an agreement, you stupid body, you with those flailing arms and meandering legs. We slit our palms and joined our hands, and promised we wouldn't let each other down, in these here dark times, when the sun hides her warmth and the moon shyly skips behind the clouds. Yet now you give up on me and let others inhabit your nooks and crannies; I will not let you, this here ours, is an apothecary race, so I will give you the concoctions you need and you will stand up tall and strong and together we will walk through that damn valley of the shadow of death, because beyond the pass lies a field of flowers bathed in rainbow sunshine.

The Roman, the Christian and the Atheist!

We stumble at noon as in the twilight,

Among the vigorous as though we were dead.

We all growl like bears;

Like doves we moan mournfully.

We wait for justice, but there is none;

For salvation, but it is far from us.

For our transgressions before you are many,

And our sins testify against us.

........................Isaiah 59

Some very powerful imagery in the bible.

SPQR

I was a watching a documentary on Ancient Rome the other day; Did u know that the Ancient Romans had a senate as early as 67BC. In the early years of Rome, it's people were ruled by the……, who oppressed them. On doing away with them the Romans decided that they would never be ruled by a king again so they formed a senate of handful of represenatives of the people who were elected to office every year. Hence the motto "Senatos Populos Que Romanos (SPQR)" basically Senate and People of Rome. They also had a provision in their constitution for when they were at war, to elect a supreme dictator who had absolute power and held office for only 6 months. The first person to hold this title was a general …….. Who was called from his farm to fight a war with the Gauls, after the war was over, this guy gave up his power in 14 days and returned to his farm!

Tribulations

Sometimes to get to the good life, one must walk "The Path of Daggers". I think I'm walking that path now bse life is getting too tight, which of course is all my own doing but I could seriously do without one or two of dem daggers.

Victories
Started writing my short story this morning, and words just started flowing, then I realised some of the ideas popping into my head were themes from movies and books I had read, so now I have to think of a novel way of telling an old story. The words though are coming back…hopefully with some humor too.

Nostalgia
I am of this world,

Earth, Wind, Water and Fire

Of the beyond,

I have no desire

I am guilty of the sins of man

All shades of colour under the sun

Red blue and sometimes cyan

My fate is not beyond the clouds

Nor am I destined for hell's hounds

A flower of these gentle grounds

I must sway to life's sounds

I must climb the mountains

Sail the calm and the stormy seas

Walk through the dark forests

And dance on the flower filled leas

And when my dance is done

I must take my place in the mud

Forever under the sun

For I am of this world.

…..Raymond

Pressure Makes Diamonds!

Things have been tough, infact the last three weeks have been so bad that I started thinking I must have been like Ghengis Khan in a past life and this is retribution for all my past life indiscretions. But some cowboy with a moustache and a guitar once said that pressure makes diamonds so in light of that, and that is my only inspiration by the way, I'm pulling myself out of this pit.

Been reading "The Satanic Verses" and it has to go among that small list of books I have struggled to read. First of all it's not some diabolically inspired version of the bible. Nope it's a simple tale of human nature, divine intervention and other things. Don't read it unless you're sixty and have nothing else to do.

Guitar Lessons; the only thing saving my sanity. Learnt 6 chords so far...can play 2 songs fairly well...with a pause here and there. Want to play "You were meant for me" by Jewel and Baby Can I hold You by Tracy Chapman.

Still Reading "The End of Poverty" by Jeffrey Sachs...will fill u in.

Broken all my new year resolutions already but only twice...so I can end the year and have broken them only aout 4 times...that's not bad at all.

coming soon...my short story

make sure you watch...300.

Moving Forward

I don't know why I haven't posted in a long time....every time I open the browser to do so, I get stuck. There's stuff I want to say but I don't know how. Anyway my failings aside...last sunday was my birthday, enjoyed it immensely. My 25th birthday freaked me out bse I was getting older and had a long list of "things to do before you die"...Well I'm 26 now, the list is obviously a bit longer but for some reason this time I'm very optimistic.

Just finished reading Lords of Poverty by Graham Hancock and I have to say it's a sobering read. It's about the AID industry and how corrupt and sometimes, if not most, inhuman it is. It has made me look at AID agencies in a different light and I can't say it's a good one. I'm now reading Jeffrey Sach's "The End Of Poverty" I think it will restore some of my faith.

I may know the word, but not say it

Normally I make resolutions on my birthday or thereabouts, but this year, I decided to make some as the new year was walking in the front door and the old one quietly stealing out the back. Resolutions though are tricky things, they must be made with care and consideration because when you flounder (and you will), you risk feeling guilty, disappointed, feckless....among other things. Anyway with that in mind I chose to give up a few things and do others this year but picking ones that I'd enjoy if I faltered and those that I wouldn't miss i didn't get round to doing them.

1. No drinking alcohol this year

2. No eating meat ( happened to go for a barbecue last saturday) for the rest of the year.

3. Go mountain climbing

4. Run the MTN marathon

...and many more

Belated christmas post

Was supposed to post this last year, but seeing as I can do anything on my blog here I go

'It's christmas once again, it's amazing when you grow older how some of the things that meant so much just become... well ordinary. I used to love christmas, especially the christmas songs. I would grab a radio on the night before christmas and climb onto the top of the garage and then I would listen to Boney M until it was past midnight. The garage was flat topped so I would lay down a mat, stare at the sky and sing along to Silent Night. It was magical. Sometimes I would go for midnight mass. It's funny how we are always in a hurry to grow up and after having done so we nostalgically remember the days so fast gone by. I still love the christmas songs, my favorites being "winter wonderland, silent night and Let it snow."

So a very merry christmas to all and a happy new year. May all your wishes for the year come true.'

Peace And Love To All

A happy new year to everyone out there, and those of you in here, wherever that may be. It's been a while but just so u know I've been OK. So here's to wishing you all the best for this new year. Godspeed

The Masterpiece of Nature

"A friend might well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Take my hand

My serotonin levels are low, which is just a fancy medical way of saying I'm unhappy. What makes me more unhappy is the fact that I'm trying to tell myself that I don't know why but I know that deep down I do.

I'm in a relationship and as all these things go, there has to be a fair amount of giving, receiving and sharing. I honestly don't mind the first two especially when I'm being given and I'm receiving but then the time comes to divulge things about yourself.....and that's where everything gets scary for me. I can honestly say that I've been pretty much emotionally independent since I was about 14 or thereabouts. So there are things about myself that I don't tell other people easily, some people know some of these things but they know well enough to never attempt to clarify this info with me. Basically I don't open up easily. This ofcourse is a problem when you're seeing someone, and frankly I don't know how to deal with it bse I know that subconciously I will attempt to avoid the whole thing; but I want to go beyond this time.

The real reason I'm in distress (I think) is because I need some sort of spiritual nourishment (for want of a better word). Of course it doesn't mean I want to sprint to church screaming hallelujah, it simply means that I need to experience the better side of humanity; like a genuine act of kindness, the piety and innocence of the child or the amazing bonds of a brotherhood.

So I wait, in this darkness, tired of my own voice answering my questions. I pray that when you give me your hand, I will not push it away.

Flowers gathered in the morning; Afternoon they blossom on, Still are withered by the evening: You can be me when I'm gone.

I have always been fascinated with words. I can't say exactly when it all started but I know that one day, I picked up a book, started reading and found a world of magic, of kings and queens, giants and dwarves, absent friends and lost loves, old gods and the season of mists. I have read words that were mysterious and like that brief glimpse of a hooded rider while staring out the window, I have looked into the heart of the writer, but only for a moment. I have wandered the soft places, the sunny plains of middle earth, run down twisting tunnels on distant worlds and even glanced at the lost kingdom of Atlantis. Words, for ever to captivate me.

So it came to pass that I chanced across the volumes of "The Sandman". It is at this point that I must shed a tear for those of you who will never discover or understand what the imagination is capable of. What it means to dream, even if it be a little dream. For some the gift was never given, for others the wisdom to comprehend denied, but for you, the fear of old gods long since devoid of power cages you. I am truly sorry.

For those who will never know, I will hazard a brief story but alas it is only a trinket of the treasures that lie awaiting in the world of dreams, the realm of the prince of stories, the land of "The Sandman".

They tell a story of Dream of the endless, who is the king of the dreaming, the place you go every time you leave the waking world. Dream has been imprisoned for almost eighty years and he returns to his realm to find that things have gone amiss. He must restore order in his kingdom, but to do so he needs his tools of power; a pouch of golden sand, a mask and a ruby. The sand was last in the possesion of a mortal, John Constantine. To retrieve the mask he must journey to hell and challenge a duke of the eighth circle, as for the ruby, well like I said, it is a brief story that I dare to relay, for there is no better way to know the story than from the prince of stories himself. So maybe one day I will tell you a story of myself, of my unknowing contest with a god and the wisdom gained, if it may be called that. Goodnight to you and the sweetest of dreams.

To absent friends, lost loves, old gods and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due.

I happened to read my horoscope(wonder why they call it that) last week and it encouraged me to pen something. Apparently I was in a very creative state because some planet was moving into the sphere of influence of some other planet.So I toyed with the idea of a love letter, hate mail, short story, resignation letter until the impracticality of most of them led me here; to write this garbage for you to read. And here goes nothing...

1. I don't think I love you anymore!
E decided to send me this txt message the other night. I read it and felt the world fall away from under my feet. Drifting in the vast nothingness I tried to see how it had come to this. "So soon" I thought, "how?" and a myriad of other questions all in an attempt to figure out when I had fallen from grace. On the verge of resigning myself to a life less of love, my phone beeped again and she was saying "It's something a lot more stronger than love...."

2. I cried for you.
Recently I came across a song by a one Katie Melua called "I cried for you". It is a beautiful song! It instantly made it onto my playlist entitled "sombse:some of my best songs ever" And it goes

"You're beautiful so silently
It lies beneath a shade of blue
It struck me so violently
When I looked at you

But others pass, they never pause,
To feel that magic in your hand
To me you're like a wild rose
They never understand why

I cried for you
When the sky cried for you
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter
But this life was not for you
Though I learned from you,
That beauty need only be a whisper

I'll cross the sea for a different world,
With your treasure, a secret for me to hold

In many years they may forget
This love of ours or that we met,
They may not know
how much you meant to me.

I cried for you
And the sky cried for you,
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter.
But this life was not for you,
Though I learned from you,
That beauty need only be a whisper

Without you now I see,
How fragile the world can be
And I know you've gone away
But in my heart you'll always stay.

I cried for you
And the sky cried for you,
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter.
But this life was not for you,
Though I learned from you,
That beauty need only be a whisper
That beauty need only be a whisper"

3. The Dead Man's Chest.
I watched Pirates of the Carribean on sunday. It's brilliant. I have to watch it again!


4. The Season of Mists
I found this incredibly good series of comic books called the sandman. It's about the king of the dreamworld and lots of other stuff, but it is good. There was a part where he was going to hell to set some woman free, whom he had incidentally condemed there about 10000 years before. So he goes to his friend "the wandering jew" and they have a toast that goes as follows
"To absent friends, lost loves, old gods and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due."

Bloody brilliant.

Parenting myself...

Teenage rebellion is normal, it happens to all people except those weird few who for some strange reason can't fathom the thrill in occasionally going against authority and embarking on a journey of self discovery. It is my opinion that these same people suffer from mid life crises when they get there. The "who am I?, I'm not happy with whatI'm doing...blah blah"

As a teenager I did my share of rebellion, but this was quickly cut short by my all so "wise" relatives. Anyway to put it briefly, because I cannot go into details, I found that I had to raise myself from an early age. Ofcourse I had people who were there for my physical needs but the needs of the mind were totally left to me. My report card was my own responsibility, I made my choices as to what to study, who to associate with, what to do in my free time etc. It is an amazing thing that when you have parents who pressure you to do things in a certain way, to be the best you can be, to be morally upright, you rebel as much as you possibly can; but given the choice by fate to do this completely on your own, you will yearn for one reproachful look, a grounding or any kind of parental intervention in your life.

If someone asked me the things that influenced me in the choices I've made so far I would say, the memory of some long since departed people, a number of poets and authors, an uncle or two but mostly my belief in the amazing ability of the human being's kindness, for without it I would probably not be blogging this.

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The way the world works!

Life is unfair, actually it's probably more unfair than you realise. As a child, I was lucky enough to be exposed to a wide range of literary materials. The stories that always fascinated me were the ones that involved the knights of the realm upholding truth and justice, fighting against evil dragons and rescuing damsels in distress. I was swept away by those stories and that would probably go some way in explaining my fascination with JRR Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings, Superman, The Xmen, Drizzt D'Urden and tons of other heroes standing up to defend those who could not stand up for themselves. I spent hours day-dreaming that I was one of those knights in the stories rescuing some distressed dame. Consequently I had a very defined view of the world, there was good and there was bad (and occasionaly ugly). I was for good and God help those who stood on the other side. Inevitably, as is wont to happen, the years piled and I sprouted a few hairs here and there and as the knight in me looked at the world, lines begun to blur, the dragon wasn't necessary evil after all. Maybe he was just in need of a pat on the back and a "you're not all alone" kind of talk. Back in my younger days, I could have wanted nothing more than to champion the cause of the opressed, nowadays it's survival of the fittest. Recently I was with my uncle, a very nice man by any standards, a trained MD who shunned the big bucks of private practice to work in public health and help those much worse off. Anyway he was driving along in this big 4 wheel drive car and this guy in a much smaller car was trying to get into some space infront of him, but he (my uncle) would not yield and as he edged the guy out he said "Me big car, you small car. That's the way the world works"

Still some things never die easy and few things are harder to kill than ideals cherished and nurtured in childhood, so I remain a knight at heart. And so I say " Be every bit the knight you can be"

A good morning

Some days, you wake up on the right side of the bed and others I guess it's well, the left side of it. Today I woke up in the middle I guess. ( references to sides of the bed are not metaphorical but the actual reference to directional orientation of my body in relation to my bed upon waking up) In any case it's not important what side i woke up on but rather who woke me up. There I was, at the battle of pelennor fields with king Theoden and the Rohirrim (Lord of the Rings) when suddenly I was whisked away to the real world only to think I was in a dream again for it was her (E, the girl I'm in love with) that woke me. All the previous words serve no other purpose than to tell you that I had a splendid morning. If you didn't have one, be consoled by the fact that I did.

Dreaming my dreams......with you!

I used to be a dreamer, especially in matters of the heart. I don't know whether I still am. You know, you get your heart broken and then all that "happily ever after" stuff sounds like well just like it should, a fairy tale. My first crush was in my primary 7, there was this girl called J and one day I found myself thinking about her. My main fantasy was about kissing her but of course I couldn't do anything about it. It was primary, girls were to say the least mysterious and any advances by me would have gotten me in the hottest of soups ever. Incidentally it all remianed just that, a fantasy, but I remember the feeling! It was exhilarating! Two years later I was back at it, this time it was this girl I had known since I was about 9. They were letters involved and I got as far as a hug (ooooh!). But that too was put in my closet of crushes when she moved overseas, for good! We wrote each other some brilliant letters but as they say "out of mind....."
Then came the crush that crushed the dreamer in me. A case of unrequited love. It was in a word, heartbreaking. I used to believe that love could overcome it all, but I guess there was one big obstacle it couldn't. I will tell no more about that one.

So here I am today, much less of a dreamer than I was but in love once more. So am I still having dreams of forever, a little bit, but they are tempered by the reality of life. Not all dreams come true, but you can alyways hope and work toward them. But the worst thing about that dream crushing crush was that it made cautious in love. Not fully giving of myself. So how to overcome that? Because I must do it.

So little to do , so much time!

This saturday's proving to be too lousy, no soccer = nothing else to do. So here I am blogging. It's been a while since I blogged, England's exit from the world cup was a bit of a heartbreak and I couldn't find a satisying explanation or scapegoat for that matter. But like in all love affairs, life's got to go on, you either fix the problem and move on or u break up with some unsavory parting shots. I went for the fomer, I don't give up on relationships easily, Actually it's a taboo to support one club today and in a month's time you have shifted goal posts. Soccer promiscuity is a no no. You get one club and one country for life. Most men are more faithful to their football teams than to their spouses or girlfiends. For example, I wouldn't be caught dead donning an Arsenal shirt...but you could find me in the comapny of another girl other than my beloved.

The new superman movie is out, I have to go and watch it soon, maybe tomorrow. The reviews are good so far but I'm not one to pay attention to them when it involves Kal El (his kryptonian name).

A big sorry to someone for ignoring them sometime, I had to do it.

Now, what to do....what to do....

untitled

The rest of those who have gone before cannot, steady the unrest of those of us who follow.

In the absence of the sacred.

I am in no way superstitious. I've read too much crap to be that inclined. But sometimes you just have to wonder why some things always happen the way they do. For instance I have a friend who whenever he watches an Arsenal match, they never win, most of the time they lose...It got so bad that before their most recent game, Arsenal fans misdirected him and told him we were watching the game in some bar on the other side of town. He caught onto the ruse and showed up at the nook just in time for kick off. Arsenal promptly lost 2-1. So what is my point? None really, just thought i would share a story.

I had a very unfamilliar feeling today. I remember having something like it back when I was about 10 years old. My mom had gone out and it was getting late and I had this very heavy heart kind of sensation. I was worried that something would happen to her...I wanted her to come back immediately...I was not whole without her. I had that kind of feeling today, about someone who I haven't seen for a whole week. I think I'm falling deeper still.

Currently reading:

Abyssinian Chronicles by Moses Isegawa
A really good read, the fact that it's set in Uganda makes it easy to relate to. Humor and style of narration is very good as well.

His Dark Materials Trilogy by Philip Pullman
Started reading it bse, the reviewers compared Pullman to Tolkien and have to say I was not disappointed. Just finished book two *The Subtle Knife*. A must read for any fantasy fan.

Song currently obsessed with:

Deeper water by Minnie Driver

Something funny for you: It's so miserable being a millionaire!

Fight or Flight?

Wrapped up Grey's Anatomy Season 2 last week. It is my second best show ever, only to friends. It got very heart wrenching in the last 3 episodes. For the sake of not spoiling it for anyone, i won't say anymore but it's a must see.
There's another plus to watching grey's anatomy...i've discovered some really nice music. It's like every episode has some bloody nice song you've never heard. Two weeks ago I was obsessed with "In the Sun" by coldplay, last week it was "Chasing cars" by Snow Patrol, today I listened to "Somewhere only we know" by Keane and just lost it. Fiona you have to listen to those 3 songs and then add on

Don't Forget me: Way Out West
Wish I: Jem
Suitcase: Joe Purdy
Back Where I was: The Hereafter
Other Side of the World: KT Tunstall (very nice)
How to save a life: The Fray

Now I don't know which series I'm going to watch, I think I'll look into The 4400 or Smallville

Haemorrhage in my head!

I'm an England fan, infact it's the only team I'm supporting at the world cup. It has been my team for the last 7 years. We've been through, last minute penalties in Euro2K, broken metatarsals in 2002, Emile Heskey in 2004 and more broken metatarsals....and we have never parted ways. I will now call it she to better define my love for England. She has given me moments of unrestrained joy , like that time in Munich or that time with the greeks. I in return have proclaimed my love from the rooftops, willed matter and energy to move "the force" in our favor. At times it has obliged and other times darker arts have undermined our efforts. But on saturday I was totally mystified, I wondered whether the "Martians" had finally attacked earth and their first act was to replace the entire England team with zombies or worse. I spent the whole evening valiantly defending my beloved England as my friends poured forth their arsenal of words to describe the most appalling display on a soccer pitch.

I have a theory that Sven is out to get revenge, after all the English press has put him through, this is his last chance for payback. I won't be surprised if he names 11 defenders against Trinidad and Tobago.

But we will persevere, I will the fates as much that it is to my ability to do so...
"May the force be with us"

Evading the FRIEND ZONE!

I watched an episode of scrubs sometime, JD was about to kiss Elliot and then they were interrupted. His theory is that if something like that happens, whoever wants to take it forward (i.e. the guy) has 48 hours to complete the kiss or else the girl's gray matter will light up and chances are high that you will be condemned to the friend zone. If u don't know what the friend zone is, just listen to mario's "just a friend".
Incidentally, I find myself in a similar or worse predicament. There's this girl, I have a crush on her. I begin spending time with her and naturally I fall deeper. And then yesterday we almost kissed. Now, the problem is I'm not going to see her for a few days, so I have to be the single outstanding exception to JD's 48 hour rule. In case u were wondering what happened to JD, he was 1 second late and was thus condemned to the friend zone

As deceptively nice as the name sounds, The friend zone is among the top 5 things guys dread most. In simple words, it is torture. I've been there, twice. Not a very nice place to visit. I'm not ending up there this time.

FRAMED!: The all knowing God and free will!

I have a long running argument with almost all my friends, this centers around the concept of an all knowing God and free will. For the faint hearted, poor of spirit, easily offended, wrap-a-bomb-around-your-waist fanatics, and if you feel your faith is not strong enough please stop reading this now and go...well..do somethin else.

Apparently God is all knowing, simply put,he knows each and everything from the beginning of time unto the end of all things and I guess beyond that too. But most importantly God knows all that you shall ever do, all the decisions you will make from the moment you take in your first breath till the time you exhale your last. Your path has been chosen for you. Basically God knows what you will say, think and do after reading this....blah blah. So this begs the question, if he knows everything you will do, all the choices you will make from birth to death and obviously you cannot go against that, how then is it free will if when faced with a decision as simple as taking tea or porridge your choice is predetermined?

I mean, as a more complex example, God knew that I would be the way I am and do all the things I have done and will do until my candle burns out. He knew, from the beginning of time that;
1981: Enter Raymond
1986: Baptise Raymond
1996: Raymond becomes atheist
****: Raymond Dies
-----: Raymond burns in hell

I cannot defy this path. It was written for me ages ago. So I must walk it. So is it fair to say that I have free will?

Incidentally I gave up my belief in the christian God, hence

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.
----William Ernest Henely

Everyone's a critic!

Ladies and gentlemen I present the next stage in evolution, homo sapien is no longer the dominant species....I give you..HOMO SUPERIOR!

The other day I was reading one of my favorite blogs and found Raymond had written crap about the new xmen movie. I was furious, actually I was going to write about it then but I figured I might display my more unsavory lingo. Anyway as u can tell by now, I'm a superhero freak. I loved the X Men movie and personally I think it was the best of the lot. I mean, the special effects were awesome! and let's face it, they are they main reason you'd go to watch it. And if you want a movie with a major plot, bloody hell! watch The English Patient! Enough ranting, the movie is brilliant, anyone who loves the X Men will enjoy it.

And coming soon!

By the way my crush's not subsiding, I need advice!

I wont have any kids because I feel sorry for the trees!

In the 1900s the population of Uganda was about 3M people and needless to say, most of the country was covered with equatorial forests. Fast forward to 1980s it was 15M and obviously little of the forests remained. Today it is estimated at 21M and the government just sold off several islands to investors for growing palm trees. This might seem like a useless piece of information but trust me if you drop it into a conversation, especially as an anwer to a question about how many kids you're planning to have, you'll look brainy. Inevitably you will intially come off as NUTS, but if you eloquenlty explain the relationship between population growth and the diminishing forest vegetation, you will emerge not only as intelligent but also as very knowledgable (if you wear specs, it is a good idea to nibble on them as if in thought and then wave them about while explaining your point).

I love Grey's Anatomy, the soundtracks are so lovely, they invoke all sorts of emotions in me. Here's one of my favorite songs on the soundtrack.

In the Sun - Coldplay ft Peter something

I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you
I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes
cause when you showed me myself I became someone else
But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need

I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comesYou cant keep awake
May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you
cause if I findIf I find my own way
How much will I find
If I findIf I find my own way
How much will I findYou

I dont know anymore
What its forIm not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understandcause I been caught in between all I wish for and all I need
Maybe youre not even sure what its for
Any more than me
May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you

In your face Arsenal! Ha ha ha ha!

A wish upon a star!

I've got a crush! yes, a typical schoolboy ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL AND OH SHE SMILED AT ME dreamy eyes crush! I thought I was beyond these feelings because I think the last time I had one, Boyz II Men were ruling the charts and M7 and the Colonel were bosom buddies. So I'm riding the emotions, like a love sick puppy, thinking about writing love poems again. Thinking about her in every waking moment and on the verge of singing Uncle Sam's "when I see you smile." That's how bad it is. I noticed it when I couldn't get past hello..... and then I recognised those adolescent tinglings of the heart, tounge sticking in my mouth..etc. Oh what a feeling!

I saw a shooting star today and I made a wish. I wished that *omitted*. Anyway this week my theory holds tight. Lots of good stuff

1. I've got a crush on .......
Enough said already

2. Barcelona 2 Arsenal 1.
It was a magical night. I screamed till I went hoarse! By halftime, the Arsenal fans were about to eat the rest of us alive, but fate it seems is not without a touch of malice. First Eto'o then Belleti to bring out my basic baboon insticts. You should have seen me pounding my chest.

3. Mail from Di!
Hey Di, it's been a long time and was lovely to hear from you, especially that you have time to read my blog. And for the record my mind is like a jigsaw puzzle, i'm just tryin to put all the right pieces together.

4. Halfway thru my CISCO class
Going on to sem 3, though have like 11 tests to do but they're all online and not that difficult. I really want to finish this, it's the key to many doors.

5. Prison Break Episodes 20 and 21
Scofield and Co. finally break out of Fox river, but not without some tense moments. T Bag just cracks me up with his comments

6. Shooting star
And everything is written in the heavens...

So generally i've got a good feeling. I just finished the book I was reading, can't say I enjoyed it that much, though somehow I read it till the end so maybe there's something to it. Just going to start on Phillip Pullman's "His Dark Materials trilogy" from what I hear it's very good.

Downloaded some songs I heard while watching grey's anatomy, they're too nice. I particulary like Joshua Radin's music.

So in a week of, crushes, champions, shooting stars, escaped convicts and emails from the dearest of friends, I give you the quote of the week.

"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."
----Joseph Addison

Dentists and Spanish Authors

I've had a very unenjoyable (for lack of a better word)week all thanks to some useless byproduct of pondlife and a barnacle
So, I went to the dentist last week, ( on my least favorite persons in the world list, dentists are up there with taxi drivers and a few other unsavory groups of persons). Anyway I had to have this tooth extracted, the irony being that I had the same tooth worked on 3 years ago and apparently what was done to it then was supposed to last fifteen years. Anyway the idiot, happened to break the damn tooth during extraction and proceeded to torment me with various tools that one would find in an espionage torture kit. Let's just say that if I could I would put out a contract on him.

Naturally the tone was set for the rest of the week, pain, unrelenting pain capped off by bloody Liverpool snatching the FA Cup at the last moment. I won't write anymore about the week, but it's my personal opinion that if the christians packaged hell as full of eager, inexperienced dentists instead of some guy with horns and a pitchfork, they would have many more converts. I would be saved right now.

Got some book from a friend "A hundred Years of Solitude" by some spanish author (Gabriel Marquez), apparently it's one of Clinton's favourites. I'm halfway throught it and it's just, well, weird!

Abbas, my housemate, managed to convince me to go to the club on Saturday nite and strangely enough I enjoyed myself ( the only ray of sun this week).

I have a theory though, that when lots of crappy things happen to you at once, on top of the ones that had already been happening, your luck's about to turn. So I'm optimistic, I think this week is going to be good.

And here's a list for you
Potentially hazardous near earth objects coming to your neighborhood soon!

And a quote

"Return to the Earth if you should find that your heart is weary and your mind is troubled, only by going back to the beginning can you find the path"
----some guy in a movie.

....in such small measures, life may perfect be.

There are some small things that bring me incredible joy.

- Getting into my newly laid bed just after a cold shower

- Finding a loo when I'm dying to piss

- A very fast internet connection

- Putting on new underwear

- Finding a good download website

- Fixing a computer problem in less than 5 minutes

- A lingering kiss

- A word from Bre, Di or Dimples

- A handwritten letter

- A hot cup of coffee on a very cold day

- Watching Arsenal lose

- Dimples

- A good comic

- Comfortable shoes